Yes , I am experiencing this empty feeling after my husband died a year ago.
He was in a Care home for 3 years after 3 years of gradual dementia decline. Full on caring. Relief but difficult to see him disappear.
I visited every afternoon as I still loved him and knew his time was coming.
However, I find it so hard to get motivated to do anything now.
I have had bereavement counselling, where someone sits and listens.
But no matter what I do, there is still this big empty hole, after 50 years of marriage.
I do think what is the point of going on.
So I struggle on.
Friends from before seem to have evaporated. They couldn’t cope with my husband ‘s dementia or his death. Very few offers of support now.
So getting out of bed is not easy and I just feel like shutting myself in, like you.
Hopefully this will be better in the spring?
Although my Bridget is still alive she’s just a shell of what she was and evil dementia has robbed us both of what could have been
Again I’ve not gone to see her at the home so that’s two days running now and can’t help feeling I’m letting her down. They say she wouldn’t remember anyway but I feel lazy and neglectful but going for me is so emotional and I take the easy path and don’t go. I’ll go tomorrow, promise, and do my best to be cheerful.
Sometimes I feel hopeless and guilty because I’m going back to bed at any time of day because it’s easy when my day is empty, very sad because I’m doing stuff without her, and scared stiff at the prospect of life without her and on my own.
I try to imagine what my life will be like when she eventually goes. If it’s rough now It’ll be so much worse that I’ll really see no reason to go on. So like you there’s this big empty hole where her physical presence used to be.
Time heals they say but how’s that work when every day is a struggle.
You can take pills, do counselling, meet-up with kind friends, go to a movie, etc but when you’ve lost the one that meant everything to you there’s really nothing to calm your grief but just getting on with it and hope life will somehow get better.
Joined in grief, thinking of you, Peter