@Dutchman a good few members ask the same questions wnen there's been a move to a care home ... personally I think it's the opposite way round ... the move was necessary because the person was growing worse and the level of care needed simply was too much to provide at home ... seeing the person in a different environment highlights this, as it can no longer be covered over by routine, familiarity and that 'it will all seem better in the morning' fooling ourselves that we do ... then not seeing the person every hour of every day means you notice the changes because of the gaps, the gradual creeping up that we overlooked before becomes clear ... and, sadly, downturns are more pronounced accompanied by the feeling that we can do nothing to control the situation, which, whilst daily caring, we could believe we did have some control over ... even more sadly, stable becomes a hope rather than how things can be, or at least the periods of stability become shorter
it's so hard to accept this ... until we do, though, the resistance simply creates turmoil ... there is some peace in acceptance and living just with how things are today ... there's also sadness and grief, though without the element of tormenting ourselves for what we unreasonably think we might have done or should do now, because the acceptance means we also accept that we have done and continue to do all we are able to; no-one, not even ourselves, has the right to ask more of each of us
very best wishes to the both of you