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Stacy Sue. when will it ever end ? To you i’ll say that for some reason i’m finding it very hard today to even begin to come to terms with Bridget‘s dementia and the loneliness of it all has enveloped me. I mean, what is the point of me going to the home, to try and connect with Bridget. She doesn’t remember me going. She doesn’t remember me as her husband , so what use am i ?you are saying exactly how I feel. It is comforting to know I am not alone. X
You know what, i understand exactly where you’re coming from. It certainly is a comfort in an odd way to mentally self harm as a way of rationalising why i placed her into the home. Almost punishing myself to make it right. I wish I could stop thinking this way. Its been suggested that i turn it around, to imagine what my wife would say if she could. Trouble is i can’t imagine.At the moment I am having counselling Dutchman because I couldn't stop going over and over and over (and over) what might, should have been if only we had, he had, I had. I tormented myself and it almost became a 'comfort' to deprive myself, to self harm. My councillor - not immediately of course! introduced me to the idea that I was indulging myself, wallowingfin this blanket of sorrow because it was 'just and fitting'. Self indulgence. No I can't tell you how to STOP, only that if you don't it will destroy you, and you will not be there for Bridget at all. It's a cross between self harm and self indulgence. Hard to come to terms with, but why aren't you seeking help Dutchman? Ask yourself that.
I have looked back and found it painful but it did remind me of how difficult I found looking after my husband. He died in February and at first I was looking back to see what I was thinking back a year ago but that was awful. I don’t feel the need any more. Everyone is different and I think you have to work your way through feelings to find the way out of a really dreadful situation. I have just got a new puppy and the training is keeping me busy and away from dwelling on the past, and present for that matter. I know you had difficulty with the dog, perhaps because the time was not right. Keep going Peter, you have suffered from the awful situation of having lost your wife to dementia but you are alive and must live. Sue xxYou’re absolutely right. I needed to know this. Thanks
while on I’ve had this idea of printing off all my posts and replies into a file for ease of reading. Anyone else thought about this? Not sure if it would benefit me but could be worth a try as I’ve time now to do it.
If you have done it what’s the easiest way? Just taking it easy now after an early bike ride
Hello Sue.Hi Peter, I think we are grieving for our partners as they were, because we can’t visit and spend time with them ,we just remember the good times. Dave walked out of our house into a mental health hospital,and our experience was horrendous,he deteriorated massively ,so much so he had to go into a nursing home. The guilt I feel for this upsets me every day. He loved me more than anything, and I can’t be there for him now.!! I can not move on without seeing how the dementia has
progressed. I am sure if and when I can visit I will eventually except that he is just a shell of the man I love. I think it is so much easier for Bridget and Dave than it is for us, that’s a comfort for them not remembering there lovely life they had? I know exactly how you feel because I feel the same. I am here for you too. SSue.x