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One, if not the most fundamental factor in all of this, is the problem with past/memory. It can wreak havoc on the heart and mind and yet, in reality, no longer exists. The leafing through the photograph album is often seen as beneficial, restoring what was good and happy times. With dementia ( a damaged brain and mind) this can bring about a kind of " comfort" or a moment of release from confusion and anxiety, much like a familiar tune or colour or a particular voice.I know what i’m currently feeling is seen as illogical and i’m advised not to dwell.
I have this strong feeling of blame, that I somehow was the start of the cause of Bridgets vascular dementia. The reason i say this is i've often thought of an accident Bridget had some 21 years ago for which i was largely to blame. She fell off a ladder which i hadn’t checked to be secure and moved out of the way as she fell so as not to get hurt myself. There you are, thinking of myself again.
Our daughter mentioned this today and it made me think that, although no one really knows what causes dementia, and there are certain contributory factors, an accident
like Bridgets could have been one of those causes.
I can’t put the past right but it gives me regrets and guilt which are not not going away
Peter, I always read your posts and feel with you all the way. That is lovely about taking the flowers and the little card. Of course you still want her love. You are such a good man and your posts encourage and help others to talk openly of their loss and pain. This is so valuable. Family visits are happening more now, by appointment, in the nursing home where I volunteer. These are so vital.Hello everyone. Went to see Bridget this afternoon but It’s really the wrong day as the they’re short staffed and busy extremely busy.
Anyway i said i love you and she said it back. Always loves the flowers i take and i also include a pretty card which i trust the staff read to her.
Then she just turns around and walks away which is good for me as i know she doesn’t hanker after me and fret. Still i want her love and cannot it get back from her.
No wonder i’m become more or less hardened to it otherwise i’d be a mess