QUOTE="Dutchman, post: 1658257, member: 66269"]chman, post: 1657737, member: 66269"]Well I’ve done it. I’ve decided to go for the care home option. Reason being is that this morning I tried to clean up and dress my wife and it needed two people and there were others that could be called on. Try that at home with just me and one other. I’ve also just got the contract and first bill . I knew it was coming but wow!! Still a shock. Savings goodbye.
I think behind all this, when I look at what my wife has become , that there’s a distinct possibility she won’t make it. Early days I know but I don’t know why but I just feel it.
I really feel your pain, there can be nothing so cruel as dementia, we are all grieving for the relationship we've lost and the person we love who is still alive in body but mentally has 'gone'. My partner hasn't got to the stage your wife is at (and I am completely terrified of how this horrible disease is going to progress), so I've no idea of how I'm going to cope eventually being on my own but my feeling is that somehow we have to give ourselves a lot of love, treats, care and attention, do things we've always wanted to do but were unable to do while being a carer. I hope you have a sympathetic GP who can help with the anxiety, etc. And don't blame yourself and feel you're abandoning your wife, it sounds like you've done everything you could for her but it's now time she had professional help.my wife is now over the urine infection and seems a lot better. She’s eating more and drinking more. Because she’s more aware now she’s reverting back to wanting to get out of the home. We had to really restrain her and divert her attention while I did some paperwork in the office.
Later we went to her room and had a close time just lying hold hands and it’s a time when I don’t feel upset and have all those feels of dread and the lurching in the stomach. My wife says I really love you and it breaks my heart.
Why is it that when I eventually go I feel that I’m abandoning her. I can escape but she’s still a prisoner. It’s awful and I feel selfish. Will these feelings ever go away.
Now my doctor tells me that my family should get more involved even though they live miles away and have children, schools, jobs etc. How can they? but I do feel a bit abandoned myself now really feel on my own now the initial rush of sympathy and support when my wife first went in has gone of the boil. I suppose this happens but I feel hurt. I know they still care but now it’s my problem and I have to get on with it I suppose.
I have all the feeling of extreme anxiety. Painful arms, lurching stomach, tiredness. I still feel guilty and feel that none of my family really understands. I got taken out to a restaurant last night by my brother in law and partner and they’re talking about their life and all I can think about is my wife stuck in the home. I want them to talk about me and help me and understand what I’m going through. It’s so easy for others to push it to one side and think about their lives when all I think about, apart from the time I’ve taken my pills and fallen asleep, is my wife.
This situation is unmanageable emotionally because I have someone who’s lost to me but not gone. She drifting away I’ve got to cope with this all on my own back to an empty house each time. It’s beyond cruel.