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Dementia’s journey

Helly68

Registered User
Mar 12, 2018
749
I went through this nearly two years ago, I concur with what Geraldine says.
It can be a bit worrying, but if you go into it with the view that you are making available to them all of Bridget's financial affairs (and I think half of joint accounts, though others will know better than I) and then they do the assessment, I think this is the best way forward, step by step. Mummy's was a bit more complicated because she additional private pensions but I sent in all the details and they take it into consideration.
Keep records of everything you send, send copies of statements and keep all originals. Get the council to be clear how far back they need bank statements etc. I made it clear that I was providing, to the best of my ability, records from someone else's "archive " (pile of papers) and that there might be gaps as my Mum had lifelong mental health problems. I have LPA so banks and others supplied missing statements.

I would be happy to answer questions as you go along if that helps. Some Local Authorities have carers services who offer help in responding to these kind of assessments.

I often read your entries and my heart goes out to you. The journey we are on is hard enough without these others stresses. Just to say, we did get council funding, thank goodness, though of course every case is different.

I wish you all the best.
 

Dutchman

Registered User
May 26, 2017
861
Devon
It’s 09.20 and I’m waiting for the council to ring to discuss care home funding. I’m really nervous.

i probably shouldn’t be but all these upsets, anxiousness and grief I’ve experienced has knocked my confidence somewhat. I used to be good at dealing with things like this. I’ve come from an office administrator background but because so much hangs on this for my darling Bridget , I’m nervous.

peter
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
72,094
Kent
This is what being a carer does to many of us @Dutchman.

I remember a friend phoning for help for me because I knew I would have burst into tears if I had phoned myself. It was such a simple request too and I find it hard to believe I was unable to face it.

I hope the member of the council you speak to is sympathetic and realises how much stress you are under. Sometimes the behaviour of those who are too demanding and thump their fists on the table is counter productive.

Good luck.
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
4,941
Nottinghamshire
You’re not alone @Dutchman I got really nervous when I had to sort out dad’s funding but the lady who visited was really nice.

I used to be head of a busy design department and I’ve run my own businesses so it shouldn’t have phased me but it did! I’m sure you’ll be fine.

Good luck!
 

LynneMcV

Volunteer Moderator
May 9, 2012
3,985
south-east London
I understand the nerves @Dutchman - I was well used to handling phone-calls, fact gathering, interviews and meetings - but I would be so scared doing any of those things when taking care of my husband.

The psychological impact of this stress on a carer can be huge. Even now, almost two years after my husband died, I have to take a deep breath before picking up a phone to make or receive a call - and the prospect of attending official meetings gives me a knot in my stomach.

Afterwards I am just fine and wonder why I got so anxious. I hope that your phone call went well.
 

Dutchman

Registered User
May 26, 2017
861
Devon
I spoke to the council this afternoon and she she couldn’t have been more kind. Fully understood my nervousness and talked me though the process.

What was surprising is that she told me that the council have no legal right to look at bank accounts, that I should transfer joint account money into my sole account and that the council will go with the figures I put on the application.. I’m suspicious of this advice even if it does come from the council. I’m ringing her back tomorrow. It seems like deprivation of assets to me if the council see a large amount transferred from joint to sole.

I asked if they would transfer Bridget somewhere cheaper and she said once they do the needs assessment, if they consider the home is charging too much, then I would pay top up fees. There is no way they would move Bridget, not now she’s settled.

Anyway, So far so good.

if nothing else it was a couple of hours away from the misery of missing my wife.

peter
 

Wifenotcarer

Registered User
Mar 11, 2018
328
Central Scotland
The advice I was given was to transfer 50% of the money in the joint account to a new account in my name only and to leave OH's half in the joint account so that I could access it when needed on his behalf.
 

Philbo

Registered User
Feb 28, 2017
841
Kent
When I went through a telephone financial assessment for my late wife, back in September, the lady from the LA's finance team was very nice, explaining everything. I provided details of any shares, cash ISAs and any bank/savings accounts held either in her name or our joint accounts.

She asked if there had been any large amounts of expenditure recently and I said that I had purchased a funeral plan for her, using her funds and also some roof repair work, which I had used her funds to pay half.

I was asked to send in copies of all relevant statements, going back 3 months, as well as a copy of any receipts for the roof work, plus a copy of the funeral plan.

I received a letter within 2 weeks, detailing their assessment of what my wife's contribution towards nursing home costs, including a complete breakdown of how this was calculated. This amounted to her state pension, plus half of her small company pension.

So it all went much more smoothly than I had anticipated (yes, I was apprehensive too), but if is sad that after all this, she passed away after just 4 months in the home.😰
 

Stacey sue

Registered User
Jan 24, 2020
77
This is good news for you Peter, I am pleased for you, one more hurdle. I am self funding for now but when the money runs out and I have to apply to the council,I was told that if your house is in joint names they will put a charge on your house and when you sell or die they will claim the funding then? Has any one had this happen to the.?? Kind regards SSue.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,417
Yorkshire
Hi @Stacey sue
Your house is disregarded in any financial assessment as long as you live there... that means it is not taken into account and no charges etc put on it... so you don't need to worry about that

you may be thinking of when a single occupant moves into a care home, leaving the property with no-one living in it... the LA can agree to a deferred payment so the property does not need to be sold... but when it is, the LA recoup the care fees
 

Stacey sue

Registered User
Jan 24, 2020
77
Thankyou, that is a huge relief, I was told by the community mental health nurse. So am glad she was wrong. many thanks again Sue.x
 

Dutchman

Registered User
May 26, 2017
861
Devon
Does anyone know if all of Bridgets Pensions (she has two private ones) are taken by the council once they fund the home.
 

Dutchman

Registered User
May 26, 2017
861
Devon
Hi Stacey Sue. I don’t know what your councils like but mine want at least 3 months notice before you reach the threshold . In other words get in touch with them in plenty of time before Your money runs low.
 

Louise7

Registered User
Mar 25, 2016
2,578
Does anyone know if all of Bridgets Pensions (she has two private ones) are taken by the council once they fund the home.
@Dutchman Up to half of the occupational pension can be paid to a partner who remains at home but I understand that you will need to request that the local authority allow this. I've attached a link to a factsheet which explains this: If you have an occupational pension being paid to you whilst in a care home, it is possible to pass up to half of this to your spouse or civil partner who remains at home.

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/legal-financial/care-home-fees#content-start

Thankyou, that is a huge relief, I was told by the community mental health nurse. So am glad she was wrong. many thanks again Sue.x
@Stacey sue - Unfortunately it seems to be quite common for people like social workers etc, who do not have knowledge of the financial assessment process, to provide incorrect information. You may find the factsheet useful too.
 

Philbo

Registered User
Feb 28, 2017
841
Kent
Does anyone know if all of Bridgets Pensions (she has two private ones) are taken by the council once they fund the home.
Hi Peter

It was the financial assessment lady who told me I was entitled to keep half of my wife's occupational pension. She said I needed to be able to show in future that I was "in receipt) of this amount each month, so I simply set up a standing order to my sole current account (from our joint account).

Regards
Phil
 

Stacey sue

Registered User
Jan 24, 2020
77
Thankyou all, what a vital life line this is! Going through this is bad enough without the financial worry. Will be in touch with the council in good time. Kind regards Sue.x
 

Dutchman

Registered User
May 26, 2017
861
Devon
I’m in a strange frame of mind at the moment. I can’t form an emotion of distress or sadness and I’m almost getting used to this living on my own. I find crying too painful so I avoid it as best I can.

Bridget is leading a different life now and when she refused to see me as her husband months ago I supposed it was the final straw in keeping our semi normal relationship going. It’s destroying when someone you shared love with changes. It’s almost like going through a divorce ( been there) or being told there’s someone else (been there) . I know she can’t help it, it’s dementia killing her mind,

But, I still feel abandoned and cheated. I try and conjure up some of the bad times, sort of make them vivid in my mind so that it gives me reason to not like her. But my love for her takes over and I can hear her talking to me sweetly. This also happens in my dreams so I can’t escape in sleep.

I think sometimes who am I getting so upset about? And to be honest it’s me because she’s experiencing none of the normal emotions of loss or heartbreak while I sit here with all the memories of our life together and how that’s been snatched away.

Bless you all

peter
 

Stacey sue

Registered User
Jan 24, 2020
77
I had a bad day yesterday, spoke to Dave and just cried for the rest of the day. The fact that I can not see him makes it worse because I can’t see the deterioration and remember how it was before. I need this forum because you all understand, ! Definitely not as bad for Dave ,he is in his own little world . The guilt and sadness never leave me . best wishes to all SSue.
 

Dutchman

Registered User
May 26, 2017
861
Devon
I wonder sometimes what’s it going to be like when I’m allowed to go into the home for the first time. Will Bridget be able to understand the difference. For me, personally, it’s about clinging on to any of her affection for me but, of course, that only makes matters worse. It’s never going to be the same and I ache for her loving attention and affection.

like you Stacey Sue, the guilt and sadness never go away.

keep posting. It always helps me get through the time alone
 

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