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Yes, it gets to feel like a bomb drops every day. This may seem an off the wall suggestion, Peter, but if by any chance there is a closure threatened, consider employing an independent social worker. Not that expensive.Hello everyone.. as if we haven’t got enough on our plate we now have the prospect of care struggling and on the point of closing.
what happens then? I know homes have closed before but this time it could be on a much larger scale. Additionally councils are warning that funding will be further restricted with top up money from relatives set to increase.
at this rate it’s going to destroy my mental state and I’ll need caring for as well.
Peter, all sympathy and thoughts. I don’t know how we can make ourselves feel better and I know exactly what you mean about getting rid of the day ...This is such a tormenting situation . You know I volunteer in a nursing home. Some of the residents there seem lonely one day and then perfectly happy the next, the emotions don’t seem consistent or lasting. I think you may have to try to assume she is contented overall. Grief is bloody awful and we can only get through it as we can. With love and fellowship, kindredI’m having a really bad day and the only way I can relieve the pressure is to talk about it on here. Ive posted many times and you’d think that after Bridget being in the home for 9 months, I’d be adjusting to it a bit. Not so.
the home tells me today that they sense unhappiness in Bridget when it seemed she was relatively content. I’ve just looked at some recent photos of her in the home and I wonder how much more of this I can take. Is it any wonder when, like so many others on the forum, I’m alone imagining how she is, can’t hold her and the love my life is fading away. And my life is fading away with her.. I wonder if she feels lonely too?
Its a real hard struggle to get through each day and I’m finding that to get rid of the day I stay in bed longer.
there must be some way of making ourselves feel better but I suspect not and I continue to grieve every day.
just had to write this down
All of this is absolutely normal Peter, it is a terrible limbo and you are getting through it although it is causing you terrible pain. This is a situation beyond imagining, I know. It doesn’t matter how long you stay in the warm bed, that is looking after yourself.I’m writing today, to you, because I’ve no one else I can turn to who actually knows and understands. Friends and family try, God bless them, but no matter what they say it’s not enough to shift anything. My counselling sessions have been cancelled due to the virus so I’ve no one apart from TP.
I’d like to know if this is normal behaviour........I’ve only just got up (it’s 12.00 noon) and this happens most days. I see little point in getting up. I find sleep gets rid of the day. I look at escapism films every day. Anything really to take my mind off of my loneliness and a longing for my wife who's leading a different life now.
i look out of the window, at the garden, and I’m completely numb, just empty. I feel unable to make sense of any of it. The doctor prescribed antidepressants ages ago but these aren’t even denting my mood.
Is it fair to say what we feel and going through, my fellow carers, Is a illness without a cure. And if it is an illness then we’re entitled to do anything to ease the pain. I’m stumbling around trying to find anything, anything that would make some of this pain go away.
Please tell me that all of this normal, that it’s what I should expect now.
Dear Sue, I’ve just returned from my shift as a volunteer at the nursing home where my husband died. We are in lockdown lIke everywhere else. All the residents have advanced dementia. Of course some notice there are no visitors but I would say most of our beloved residents notice that there are fewer people about on the staff side. This does not seem to make them sad and we use soft animal toys, lots of hugs from us etc to try to compensate and Give them the affection they crave as we all do. I have noticed that when residents are sent a soft toy like a puppy or puss, with something like please look after me written around the collar, they are so pleased.Feeling sad today, I find it so hard to except what he is to what he was. Not being able to visit the CH does not help. I can not see it for myself. There seems to be no end to this Covid nightmare. No motivation, At last Dave has no thoughts on the virus, I wonder if he notices there are no visitors?? I know that is not possible but these thoughts still pop into your head . How I want just a hug sometimes,from him would be the best? There is comfort to know your not alone in these awful times.
kind thoughts Sue.
So lovely to hear from you, thank you. Yes, I observe that sometimes moved residents do take a while to settle in with us, and it seems to be a shock to their system. They need a framework they can feel familiar with. Having said that, most do settle in to a new home. I think it could be a case of seeing if he has formed any strong relationships at his present home and weighing this up against the undoubted value of family visits.Thankyou for your insight, I hope it won’t be too much longer until I can visit. Dave has been in the home since the beginning of March, he has improved a little since his stay in hospital which was the worse experience for him and us as a family,just one incident after another. Have got nothing good to say about that at all. When and if possible I would like to move him nearer to where I live. I have been told that he could deteriorate and would not be good to move him,The CH where he is I have no problem with at all, other than the distance from his family. Would I be wrong to move him? We could all see him after Covid much easier!?. Thanks again Kindred.