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Dementia’s journey

Dutchman

Registered User
May 26, 2017
1,824
0
74
Devon, Totnes
Hello @blackmortimer . How are things today.? Are you coping emotionally or are you struggling, lurching from one heartache to another? My Bridget is more or less the same each day and I’m assured by the home that she’s content. They believe she would show signs of anxiety in her manner if she was worried or troubled. I have to believe them.

Please write and let me know the latest in both your lives. I follow you as best I can.

Peter
 

blackmortimer

Registered User
Jan 2, 2021
296
0
Hello, @Dutchman. It's the latter of your two options. I'm afraid. We were called by the nursing home on Wednesday morning saying that we should come because they feared the end was fast approaching so I and our son and daughter all dropped whatever we were doing and went. Margaret was, and is, in a poor state but 48 hours later she's still with us and not showing any immediate signs of leaving although she's not eating and they can't give her more than a sip of liquid at a time because of the risk of the fluid going into her lungs. In a sense we're where we thought we were 2 months ago when the end look very close but she rallied. I feel totally drained and as though I'm living in some sort of limbo. My son has had to cancel a holiday abroad planned for next week because as he says he couldn't enjoy it with the situation with his mother hanging over it. It feels as though it's yet another googly bowled by dementia. The only good sign, if you can call it that, is that Margaret doesn't seem to be in any pain although they do have medication available just in case and like Bridget she seems relatively content. She sleeps more than she was doing, but still has her internal drama going on when she wakens and it doesn't seem at all distressing.

I'm off to the home shortly, dreading what I shall find, but I need to spend as much time as I can with Margaret because, to be frank, I'm not ready to let go and doubt I ever will be. Superstitiously, I cling to the hope that the more I'm with her, the more I can will her to keep on keeping on. Probably selfish of me, I know, but having faced the likelihood of death twice now I have to say I don't want her to go. I suspect she's not ready, and I'm certainly not. Stay close to Bridget, Peter. Cherish every breath. God bless
 

Dutchman

Registered User
May 26, 2017
1,824
0
74
Devon, Totnes
Thank you for writing back. I can’t be there with you although I wish I was. A friendly arm anyway around your shoulder as best I can here. You are living a nightmare at the moment and no sugar coating it will make it less real.

I believe I can understand the need to be with her in the hope that she’ll “ keep on”as I’d be exactly the same. We cannot but keep going no matter what the situation and loving someone means devoting as much as you can for as long as you can. There’s no selfishness in any of that, just love for Margaret and yourself.

I’m here everyday so keep in touch if you can so I can offer my humble support. Believe me I know how precious it is to cherish all my time I have with Bridget because I honour the memories and the love she and I shared over the years

Peter
 

blackmortimer

Registered User
Jan 2, 2021
296
0
Thank you for your support, @Dutchman. I spent all afternoon at the Home. There was little or no change. Margaret is in and out of sleep, occasionally saying something probably from her dream worls
d but she has not deteriorated further so far. The staff, who are truly wonderful, say that they're amazed by her toughness. They had expected her to have passed away by now but she's clearly hanging in there for the time being. No pain, no distress for which I'm eternally grateful. My son's coming up again tomorrow which is nice because I need some company at this time, someone to talk to, someone who understands. For now I feel completely washed out, so it's an early night. Please, any of you reading this, pray for me for strength and for Margaret that she may have a quiet and holy rest. God bless.
 

Pusskins

Registered User
Jun 6, 2020
326
0
New Zealand
Hi @Dutchman @blackmortimer and all of you lovely people. I visited OH on Friday and he only opened his eyes s few times and could not speak. I sat holding his hand and he leaned his face on my arm.

Yesterday my son and his partner went to see him- two visitors was the maximum, The carer warned him that he would be shocked by the deterioration and thankfully they still went to visit- amazingly OH had his eyes open but staring vaguely around. Not drinking, not eating, but not in pain. I was so pleased that they had been.

At 9pm I got the call from the home to say he had pased away peacefully in his sleep.
@Old Flopsy Please accept my deepest condolences. (((((Hugs)))))
 

blackmortimer

Registered User
Jan 2, 2021
296
0
Thank you, @Old Flopsy ,@Sarasa ,@jaymor for your kind thoughts. No further news at present. I continue in the limbo-like state I've mentioned before and trying to distract myself with housework. The trouble is even doing mundane things constantly reminds me of Margaret and better days. For instance I heard her voice in my head saying "that sink needs cleaning" meaning the kitchen sink then I got out the Vim scouring powder and that reminded me of how she insisted on that particular product, not now generally available, and how I got some from Amazon to please her. Now a simple task has me in floods of tears. Anyway, my son's due soon. He's calling to see Margaret on his way, so there may be an update. God bless you all. Your kindness is so appreciated.
 

Dutchman

Registered User
May 26, 2017
1,824
0
74
Devon, Totnes
Thank you, @Old Flopsy ,@Sarasa ,@jaymor for your kind thoughts. No further news at present. I continue in the limbo-like state I've mentioned before and trying to distract myself with housework. The trouble is even doing mundane things constantly reminds me of Margaret and better days. For instance I heard her voice in my head saying "that sink needs cleaning" meaning the kitchen sink then I got out the Vim scouring powder and that reminded me of how she insisted on that particular product, not now generally available, and how I got some from Amazon to please her. Now a simple task has me in floods of tears. Anyway, my son's due soon. He's calling to see Margaret on his way, so there may be an update. God bless you all. Your kindness is so appreciated.
I know so well the little things that I took for granted mean so much now they’re not there. Cleaning the sink for you, ironing for me. Right towards the end Bridget offered to do the ironing although I was afraid she would burn something. It was much easier to do stuff myself so I did it.

Oh how I wish I’d been more patient and understanding but by then I was battling against the bizarre nature of the dementia and no sleep so I was irritable and short tempered.

God bless and praying for you brother 🙏
 

blackmortimer

Registered User
Jan 2, 2021
296
0
Margaret dies peacefully in her sleep yesterday at 7.20 p.m. If you will , please pray for the repose of her soul and for me and our children for strength in the coming difficult days. Thank you all for your support over the months leading up to this sad time. It has meant a lot to me. Thank you @Dutchman in particular; your words have so often helped.

I shall probably be off air for a while now, but I shall post again when the time is right. Again, thank you and God bless.
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,843
0
Margaret dies peacefully in her sleep yesterday at 7.20 p.m. If you will , please pray for the repose of her soul and for me and our children for strength in the coming difficult days. Thank you all for your support over the months leading up to this sad time. It has meant a lot to me. Thank you @Dutchman in particular; your words have so often helped.

I shall probably be off air for a while now, but I shall post again when the time is right. Again, thank you and God bless.
My dear, I am so sorry. I will pray now. My heart and soul goes out to you and your family.
With love, Kindred
 

Dutchman

Registered User
May 26, 2017
1,824
0
74
Devon, Totnes
Margaret dies peacefully in her sleep yesterday at 7.20 p.m. If you will , please pray for the repose of her soul and for me and our children for strength in the coming difficult days. Thank you all for your support over the months leading up to this sad time. It has meant a lot to me. Thank you @Dutchman in particular; your words have so often helped.

I shall probably be off air for a while now, but I shall post again when the time is right. Again, thank you and God bless.
Hello @blackmortimer. I’m so sorry for you losing Margaret, she struggled but I think she was at peace in the end. Bless you
 

Violet Jane

Registered User
Aug 23, 2021
893
0
Blackmortimer, condolences on the loss of your beloved Margaret. I’m pleased to hear that the end was peaceful.