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Like you, and with regret, I really don’t have anything I could say that will make any difference to your heartache. Just know I’m thinking of you and your torment.Hi @Dutchman and @blackmortimer and other readers. Well Peter there are no words to relieve your suffering. I too lied to OH at times but it's in the past and I must learn to live with it- I can't do anything about it now. I just live one day at a time with the present stresses.
Today I have visited OH- he was in bed, dozing with his eyes shut and mouth open- he looked a sorry state. I spoke to him and he knew I was there. He refused lunch- Sunday roast, and would only accept a little icecream, and some juice. His arms are stick thin- just bones with a thin covering of skin- he looks so fragile- yet once he ran marathons. I can't help wondering how long he has got- that scares me.
Margaret seems to be in a similar position to you OH, @Old Flopsy. Spends all her time in bed, only has fairly liquid food like ice cream, calorie shots, milk shakes, soup and so on. She also has lost a lot of weight and her limbs are stick-thin. I've got used to it now, but sometimes when I'm home I find a wave of despair comes over me at how she has declined and, like you, @Dutchman I find myself going down the rabbit hole of whether it might have been my fault in some way. I wouldn't beat yourself up about having told untruths; I used to have a policy of always telling the truth when Margaret asked me about her condition and other things, but the outcome was just the same. I might have saved myself a lot of of anguish if I'd just gone with the flow and said whatever she wanted to hear. Now that I can't understand much of what she says in her dream state, I just make up something that seems to suit her and the result is she seems happy and I don't have to stress myself. I've decided to not beat myself up about this.Like you, and with regret, I really don’t have anything I could say that will make any difference to your heartache. Just know I’m thinking of you and your torment.
I got it to come, I know I have. At the moment Bridget is eating well and physically ok. But it’s the downturn around the corner that will scare me like you’re experiencing. Not only do we have all this and the loneliness and the grief but being worried and stressed. No wonder we’re depressed and anxious. It all gets into your head and lodges there.
Well said, @DianeW . Words we all need to heed. Thank you.Peter…… I think what you need to remember and focus on is that it’s the dementia that’s at fault here, not you for causing it or Bridget for getting It. Dementia is the nasty monster here, that destroys lives…….
The guilt you feel is your way of punishing yourself I’ve said so before, you seek out and look for situations where you can claim the blame in some way…. but what you told those little white lies for and longed to get away from was the DEMENTIA AND NOT BRIDGET!!!!!
Bridget is well in herself and being cared for by professionals that genuinely care for her….. she has you her loving husband watching over her, visiting and caring, and providing unconditional love as you always have.
But Peter you do have to accept that Bridget is not able to be the wife she once was any more, it’s not her choice but DEMENTIA has dictated that she can’t be all she was for you now and that’s hard to accept I know, but accept it you must.
Dementia has taken Bridget from you and robbed her of the life she deserves….. DON’T LET IT ROB YOURS TOO X