This is so true @Dutchman, what @notsogooddtr says. I lost my only son to cancer three years ago and I've never know pain and loss like it. It's true, my life will never be the same. You say you want to feel different NOW, but it won't happen. You know you wouldn't be able to cope, you admit it. So she's in the best place and you need to leave it to the experts to get her to cope with where she is. Stop hurting yourself.Feeling better creeps up on you,small things rather than anything dramatic.My life will never be the same but this is where I am.