Peter, here for you and you know I understand. Please don’t look ahead like this, talk about this to your counsellor. KxHello my Forum friends
I’m well supported I believe by us fellow posters, Admiral Nurses, my counsellor and some of my family.
Having said that, I feel so different and alone now that Bridget has suffered this recent fall. Her whole manner has changed from fairly responsive to complete vacancy. I’m really thinking that I’m going to lose her within the near future. I just can’t see her surviving the next 6 months.
While she was on a fairly even keel I could just about manage my emotions from day to day but now her morality is what I think about all the time. And I’ve fooled myself into thinking that Bridget, as she was two weeks ago, could go on for a long time and I’d have her around for some form of relationship.
I fully understand that there’s an enormous difference between losing someone with dementia and they’re still alive and losing someone when they die , it’s the finality of it, the loss of any possible connection. I don’t need to explain this of course here because many have gone through this trauma and understand.
I’m just about hanging on by my emotional fingertips and I’m not sure what I’ll do when eventually she deteriorates further and dies. Perhaps I’ll die too.
Some time ago a poster here explained that the thought of taking their life,as an option due to the enormous grief they we’re suffering, was a actually a comfort. At the time I didn’t understand, now I do. You see, ending it now would deprive Bridget of her advocacy, my influence in her well-being, but once she dies my usefulness dies with her. My family would mourn, sure, but for how long? They’d get over it but I wouldn’t get over Bridget