How would you like others to treat us? I would have loved to have heard the words can I help you, or let me make you a cup of tea. KindredxNo, we can’t expect people to know or understand if they haven’t trodden this path. I certainly had no idea, and still each ‘stage’ leaves me reeling. People are genuinely kind and well meaning with their platitudes and distraction events, and I’m grateful to them. However, it is, without a doubt, a cruel situation to find yourself unable to visit the person you have lived with for 47yrs when you want, and spend as much time, or as little time with them as you want; It is very, very hard not to be able to have any meaningful conversation with that person any more; It is heartbreaking when they have no idea who you or their children are; It is sad and lonely to sit in the home you have shared for over 35 yrs surrounded by memories, and know that the person will never return. It takes huge reserves of self discipline and control not to feel sorry for the situation that you find yourself in, and not to feel empty, lacking in motivation and unable to focus on anything very much. I feel that there is an expectaction in our society that people should ‘get on with their life’, be ‘resilient’, be ‘strong’ etc. and whilst I don’t want to ‘wallow’ in the situation I do feel there needs to be a realization of the reality that we ‘dementia widows’ face from day to day. In other words the above is our life at present, and yes we do have the ability to change how we view it, and respond to it, but the facts remain. I hope that makes some sense!