1. Katie.white

    Katie.white Registered User

    Jun 19, 2010
    51
    Horley, Surrey
    My dear Mum died nearly two years ago now and I put the fact that I didn't feel anything down to the fact that the Mum I knew had gone years ago and also when I had to put her into a CH it was so traumatic that I had done all my crying. However, as it got near her birthday this month I was getting more and more depressed and incredibly angry, so much so that my daughter has told me she won't ever be speaking to me any more. I am feeling so down and constantly crying and I'm sure it's got something to do with grief and I just wondered if anyone else had experienced such a delay?
     
  2. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    9,768
    Merseyside
    I'm so sorry you're struggling. Grief comes & goes imo & there is not set time to grieving.
    Have you thought about bereavement counselling at all?
     
  3. JXPW

    JXPW Registered User

    Feb 24, 2012
    34
    Essex
    Yes, i feel the same as you. my dad died 8 months ago. Its like the rug was pulled from beneath my feet. My dad has gone, and life goes on. i acknowledge I miss him, but I also know he would want me to be happy and get on with my life. Its such a huge adjustment and like you i get angry, i dont know why but I do. So if you ask is it delayed grief, for me, it most definitely is. But the people closest to me, are uncomfortable with me being like that, and they definitely don't want to talk about it either.

    You know what, its okay to be sad, for how ever long it takes. Perhaps we should just now choose people in our lives who understand how we feel and stop trying to supress our feelings. What do you say.... sounds good to me.
     
  4. jan.s

    jan.s Registered User

    Sep 20, 2011
    7,346
    Grief hits everyone in different ways, and at different stages. At first, you can be very accepting of the situation, and, as you say, you lost some aspects of your mum some time before she passed away. Something can trigger huge sadness, which is OK.
     
  5. Dawnee1418

    Dawnee1418 Registered User

    Feb 22, 2015
    31
    Hi my dad died 5 month ago he had vascular dementia & Alzheimers only diagnosed in January this year due to his GP not listening to me & mum and refusing to assess him for months. I cried for a short time when he died at home but dont think I cried as I thought I would,. Both mum & I have continually felt as if we could hear him up & about said he was still here washing in the idle of the night messing around. Now Christmas is here I am starting to see him more & more one night I could actually see him falling on the landing & could hear myself saying oh god no how on earth am I going to get you up . Mum said the following morning I was shouting dad in my sleep so must have been dreaming.
    I'm finding I feel as if I want to cry but my sister in law is making me feel guilty for feeling like this , she lost her dad the following month & says we don't love her or my nephew because we didn't say I love you to them & are not helping them as much as what we were when dad was alive. It's the first Christmas for 62 years that mum will have been without dad & my first Christmas in 52 without him apart from the 2 years I was trading as a nurse when I had to work & we're trying to get through that. On top of that mum has got to have surgery in the New Year &. on her parathyroid glands & shes also been told she has nodules on her lungs & got to see a specialist so I'm worried if she has cancer. I feel as if she expects us to have got over our grief when in reality we are only just coming to terms with what has happened. So in answer to your question grief can be delayed.
     

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