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decisions about end of life care


Registered User
Oct 23, 2011
south yorkshire
I am meeting the GP tomorrow to discuss my mum's care now that she is at what I believe is 'end stage dementia'. I am keen that she is kept comfortable and feels safe in her care home environment and that she is not subjected to treatments that would be of no benefit to her wellbeing. She is totally dependent on others for all of her needs, does not seem aware of who or what is around her, and my way of describing her existence is like a shadow or a ghost. She has not been as well for a few months, weight loss, appetite reduced slower feeding, etc. ''Just not right'' as all carers and myself agree. I want the GP to agree to no hospitalisation but also want to talk about the medication my mum is on. I want my mum to have just medication that keeps her comfortable and 'in a good place'. I don't feel that her longstanding medication, eg statins, etc to reduce her risk of stroke and Aricept patches are helping with her quality of life but how do I ask the doctor what is for the best? Has anyone else had this conversation?


Registered User
Jan 27, 2014
Yep, just be honest with the doctor about your concerns, they are usually quite understanding and have been in this situation before. If it helps before the meeting make a list of the things you want to talk about so that you don't forget anything. I've always found my mum's doctor to be really helpful and understanding.

It's not an easy conversation to have, but it is for the best for your mother, you know her and know how she would feel about everything.

Hope it goes ok.


Registered User
Feb 28, 2014
Our Dads doctor was so understanding about end of life, which is now in place. No DNR, no hospital unless broken bones, and to be kept comfortable and pain free.
Be honest with what you want for your Mum.
It is heart breaking.

cold feet

Registered User
Nov 19, 2010
Mum's Dr didn't bring the subject up, but was very understanding when I raised the issue. DNR already in place, most medications stopped, pain relief patches to be available if needed (they werent) absolutely no hospital admission. Just ensuring that she was comfortable and pain free.


Registered User
Jul 25, 2012
Hi there
I had the same situation with my Dad recently who was in a NH and the Doctor was brilliant. At the end he was made comfortable as possible with no hospitalisation. - just paracetamol and a relaxer. I hope it all goes as well as it can for you and your Mum at this difficult time. Big Hugs X


Registered User
Sep 23, 2008
At the end with my mum I had a talk with the doctor and agreed no hospitalisation. My mum was really upset on a previous visit to only outpatients and she would have been terrified. if they had tried to put in any drips or catheters she would have resisted and pulled them out unless she was kept permanently sedated and all to give her a few more days with no quality of life. We agreed to pain relief and my mum had a peaceful death in her own room in the care home with dad and me holding her hands. This was definitely the least worst option given that nothing could be done to make her better only to prolong her suffering.
I am so glad she did not die on her own, frightened in hospital.


Registered User
Jun 16, 2014
At the end I too made sure with the care home nurses that mum was not to go into hospital and that meds were only for pain relief... She did have pain patches as she was so agitated with a chest infection. She passed away peacefully in her own bed, in her CH, I stayed with her. The nurses were fully able to look after mum, they came and'turned' her every 2 hours. It would have been horrible if it had been in hospital .


Registered User
Mar 7, 2011
I too had the discussion with my dads doctor and nursing home manager\nurse.
We agreed that there was no benefit to him continuing with his drugs as it was causing more distress to get them down him.
He was to be kept at the home,comfy and painfree
His passing was calm and peaceful. What he would have wanted
will be thinking of you