Hi All,
Got the "heads-up" call today that I will be getting a call from the long term care home tomorrow about a bed for mom being available. It will be available on Monday, January 12th and start paying at that time as well.
So, now the decision time... I filled out the application forms this past summer per her geriatrician so that future planning is in place... we weren't expecting this call as the wait list for all the homes we applied for were about a year and a half but our hospitalization and getting up in the middle of the night and leaving the apartment to go home expedited it.
My mom's 89, living with me for the past 20 years (almost) and was diagnosed with mixed vascular dementia/Alzheimers in 2005 where she had lots of fixation, very little confusion at that time.. Exactly 2 years ago she started having a lot of confusions, hallucinations, delusions, etc. She had an eye surgery in early June last year and from there on she has rapidly declined.. I had to take lots of time off during last year (close to 4 months). The latest episodes of "I want to go home/where is my daughter/where are my children" ended up in hospitalization and then home with carers but carers caused more agitation so no more carers and I just went to work this past Monday with a reduced hours. I am the only carer, have a brother who visits once a week but calls daily. I am 53 and have to work till retirement.
So on Monday I went to work and a carer come around noon and would have stayed till I came home, say about 4:30. Carer text first then called saying your mother is agitated call her... I did but to no good... she was screaming as to why are these people coming, she didn't ask them to come and she will leave and they can stay if they want so she left... the carer followed and they both stayed in the building lobby till I came home.. Of course I received several more text messages from the carer asking when would I be home. That day, mom didn't eat anything nor did she take her medication.. So I arrived, carer left, agitation continued a bit more then settled down ok with an occasional where is my daughter..
The next day the carer came, texed and informed me that she is in as I left her a key.. said mother was still in bed, pleasant currently but things turned ugly after 10 minutes... carer asked that I call as she is very agitated so I call this time she wants the carer to leave so she did as my mother's agitation didn't get any better. so this time the carer went down to the lobby and mother stayed home alone... when I arrived, carer left the building and when I came upstairs mother was dusting, looking ok and ate a bit .. went for a walk at a grocery store, all is good but later that night where is my daughter, again.
Called and cancelled the carer for now.. came home Wednesday, mother seems ok, made her tea and had some food already.. brother came for dinner with his dog, lovely evening, chatting, asking questions (same thing over and over) then after 11 PM started again, where is my daughter.
Today, no carer again, I came home a bit earlier.. around 4... still in nightgown, looking tired and cold... cookies and Ensure taken.
Then comes the call from our placement coordinator for the heads-up..
So, I must make a decision tomorrow. I have not seen this particular long-term home (nursing home), but heard good things about it.
I forgot to mention that my mother has limited English language. She has full mobility, still uses the bathroom regularly with some accidents (daily). She talks, can read and write still, can understand the clock... TV may be real to her, hallucinating that there are other people living in our apartment and specifically they are all using her bathroom. Yeah she answers the phone with the TV remote.
I shouldn't forget the evening ritual.. checking the doors, faucets, lights for at least an hour before going to bed and driving me crazy... I wait till she is ready for bed and give her 25 mg. quetiapine which gets her sleepy and she sleeps at least 4 straight hours...
I am just writing all this so I can justify my decision tomorrow.
I have constant headaches, obviously at this age (still 53) I would be going through "the change". I have extremely short fuse with everyone I know. I really would like to scream my head off some times.
I have attended carers seminars at different times, had consulting, THANKFULLY have TP available to me at all times...
So just mumbling and mumbling to myself to see if I can justify my decision tomorrow, whichever way it may be.
By the way, if I were to decline the offer, I must wait for 3 months before applying again...
I can also quit my job say for a year, use my savings which is there for my retirement and look after my mother for another year and keep answering her no mama, I am your daughter.. got older and uglier that's why you don't recognize me!!
I also read everyone's posts here when they were about to place their loved ones in care homes and after the placement as well.
THANK YOU FOR READING... I MUMBLE A LOT
Got the "heads-up" call today that I will be getting a call from the long term care home tomorrow about a bed for mom being available. It will be available on Monday, January 12th and start paying at that time as well.
So, now the decision time... I filled out the application forms this past summer per her geriatrician so that future planning is in place... we weren't expecting this call as the wait list for all the homes we applied for were about a year and a half but our hospitalization and getting up in the middle of the night and leaving the apartment to go home expedited it.
My mom's 89, living with me for the past 20 years (almost) and was diagnosed with mixed vascular dementia/Alzheimers in 2005 where she had lots of fixation, very little confusion at that time.. Exactly 2 years ago she started having a lot of confusions, hallucinations, delusions, etc. She had an eye surgery in early June last year and from there on she has rapidly declined.. I had to take lots of time off during last year (close to 4 months). The latest episodes of "I want to go home/where is my daughter/where are my children" ended up in hospitalization and then home with carers but carers caused more agitation so no more carers and I just went to work this past Monday with a reduced hours. I am the only carer, have a brother who visits once a week but calls daily. I am 53 and have to work till retirement.
So on Monday I went to work and a carer come around noon and would have stayed till I came home, say about 4:30. Carer text first then called saying your mother is agitated call her... I did but to no good... she was screaming as to why are these people coming, she didn't ask them to come and she will leave and they can stay if they want so she left... the carer followed and they both stayed in the building lobby till I came home.. Of course I received several more text messages from the carer asking when would I be home. That day, mom didn't eat anything nor did she take her medication.. So I arrived, carer left, agitation continued a bit more then settled down ok with an occasional where is my daughter..
The next day the carer came, texed and informed me that she is in as I left her a key.. said mother was still in bed, pleasant currently but things turned ugly after 10 minutes... carer asked that I call as she is very agitated so I call this time she wants the carer to leave so she did as my mother's agitation didn't get any better. so this time the carer went down to the lobby and mother stayed home alone... when I arrived, carer left the building and when I came upstairs mother was dusting, looking ok and ate a bit .. went for a walk at a grocery store, all is good but later that night where is my daughter, again.
Called and cancelled the carer for now.. came home Wednesday, mother seems ok, made her tea and had some food already.. brother came for dinner with his dog, lovely evening, chatting, asking questions (same thing over and over) then after 11 PM started again, where is my daughter.
Today, no carer again, I came home a bit earlier.. around 4... still in nightgown, looking tired and cold... cookies and Ensure taken.
Then comes the call from our placement coordinator for the heads-up..
So, I must make a decision tomorrow. I have not seen this particular long-term home (nursing home), but heard good things about it.
I forgot to mention that my mother has limited English language. She has full mobility, still uses the bathroom regularly with some accidents (daily). She talks, can read and write still, can understand the clock... TV may be real to her, hallucinating that there are other people living in our apartment and specifically they are all using her bathroom. Yeah she answers the phone with the TV remote.
I shouldn't forget the evening ritual.. checking the doors, faucets, lights for at least an hour before going to bed and driving me crazy... I wait till she is ready for bed and give her 25 mg. quetiapine which gets her sleepy and she sleeps at least 4 straight hours...
I am just writing all this so I can justify my decision tomorrow.
I have constant headaches, obviously at this age (still 53) I would be going through "the change". I have extremely short fuse with everyone I know. I really would like to scream my head off some times.
I have attended carers seminars at different times, had consulting, THANKFULLY have TP available to me at all times...
So just mumbling and mumbling to myself to see if I can justify my decision tomorrow, whichever way it may be.
By the way, if I were to decline the offer, I must wait for 3 months before applying again...
I can also quit my job say for a year, use my savings which is there for my retirement and look after my mother for another year and keep answering her no mama, I am your daughter.. got older and uglier that's why you don't recognize me!!
I also read everyone's posts here when they were about to place their loved ones in care homes and after the placement as well.
THANK YOU FOR READING... I MUMBLE A LOT