Decided to go back to work-i could scream

1954

Registered User
Jan 3, 2013
3,835
Sidcup
You are so right! I want it my way. I will not put her in a home and therefore the only option is to have her live with us

In the evening if I phone a friend it helps, but I am worried that I talk about MIL too much and they will dread me calling. However, you are right if I take her somewhere like to my mother then she behaves so differently

All of what you said hit the nail on the head. Sometimes I can cope sometimes I can't, I am up and down like a yoyo!

Work will help as now G is coping with the night time routine I have no worries about her not washing etc as he copes better and is NOT emotionally attached even though it is his mother.

So thank you, I am calm today

1954 x
 

Lainey 127

Registered User
Nov 25, 2012
216
Liverpool UK
Hi.1954
I've.nothing to add really except to say that I understand how you feel and all that you're going through. I get days when I feel I' ve had enough and the thought that this will be my life for the forseeable future fills me with dread.
I'm sitting here praying that Mum will go to bed soon but she's like a child. Mention bed and she has a tantrum. She's been relentless today and to cap it all I've just gone upstairs to find that she's thrown all my ironing all over the floor. I could scream. Today I feel like phoning social services and telling them.to come and put her into care.
Tomorrow? Well that's another day .....
 

1954

Registered User
Jan 3, 2013
3,835
Sidcup
Poor at least I don't have to deal with my ironing been thrown everywhere! Wash time was NOT successful tonight. We all had to go out and therefore out of routine so she said she had washed her bottom but I could see she had not and it ended in a screaming row! I felt awful but she stinks. 2 mins later she said good night dear. All sweetness and innocent and for got it all...........me I am annoyed she did not wash. Daft to a lot of you but vital to me

Maybe tomorrow I will insist on a shower, he he that will ruin her day!

1954 x
 

Big Effort

Account Closed
Jul 8, 2012
1,928
On parallel tracks

Hi again 1954,

I am keeping tabs on you as, right at the minute, we are on parallel tracks. Your MIL is fine in herself, your hubby can muddle along as is, and you feel pushed into a tight corner and felt like freaking out two nights ago.

The care cycle continues here. Blood test, and they come at 6 a.m. to draw it, and we have the results back in the same-day post. Amazing. A good system. But it is an early rise for me and Mum, and I only slept about 2 hours.

Yet, I know, I cannot have many more days like yesterday. So will pack her off with hubby to be with our very good friends. It is perfect. Hubby is working on a conversion for them, I have virtually single-handedly assisted the man to come back post massive stroke and he is so motivated and making progress, and in return, he feels good to be able to be a carer to Mum - he says it is the first useful thing he has done in 3 years!

So, today she will be spending the day away. And I will get on with paperwork, and plan others who can help out. When that no longer is an option..... care home is the solution.

I think of you, as I empathise 100% in the feeling of being so unwell in oneself at just having to share their physical space. In my case, it is emotionally too tough to see Mum such a shadow. People tend to see me as a tough bird, but actually, I am too tender-hearted for this dementia chaos. Cleaning poo I don't mind much (thought that would be the end for me, but I adapted very fast), but mental meltdown is terribly tough to take on board in someone we love.

Wondering how you are and when you will next be 'on duty' alone? Sending you hugs and appreciation for sharing your unfolding drama, and letting me be a part of it, as it showed me clearly I was in the same space. Love BE
 

1954

Registered User
Jan 3, 2013
3,835
Sidcup
Hi BE

Did you say your husband had a stroke and has recovered? Terrible if he had a stroke but fantastic that he has made a good recovery

Its good that you are able to get her to go and be with others as it gives you a much earned break

You must be shattered with only 2 hours sleep. I know what that's like as when I have worked nights come back to take over looking after MIL my patience levels at an all time low

Well today my mother is having MIL from 1045 to about 2000hr so that we can go to MIL's flat to do some sorting out. We have to battle through Blackwell Tunnel there and back so know it will be an awful journey. However, G and I can talk and then we meet up with SIL and after sorting out the flat we go for a meal. I get on with SIL so well

The area in north London is very multi cultural and the places to eat are fantastic and not too expensive so we will go to a 'proper' Turkish restaurant-yummy

I have decided to go to the pop in parlour on a regular basis with MIL as it gives us something to do and the drinks are cheap

I am looking forward to today however, its hard not to think about tomorrow..........

I hope BE your day is not too bad

Take care

1954 x
 

2jays

Registered User
Jun 4, 2010
11,598
West Midlands
Forget tomorrow and relish your time with G :). Tomorrow will come soon enough, without bringing it in early by thinking of it today.

Have a lovely Turkish, and some good talking time today.

x
 

Big Effort

Account Closed
Jul 8, 2012
1,928
Hey 1954,
I am an expert at starting false stories! Happily my Best Beloved is fine (we are having a day off today!). No, good friends of ours, a place where we go and visit every Wednesday (respite for all 3 of us), the husband there had a massive aneurysm, and only 3 years later is starting to make progress - significant progress now, but I have given a lot of my time to supporting him.

Now this man is happy to look after Mum. So while my hubby works on their house, this man will give me respite from Mum, and Mum also has respite from me!

I am in MUCH better form at the moment. I think the emotional toll that dementia takes on us all, sufferer and carer alike, is huge. And I have decided to accept help now rather than shun it.

I look forward to an update from you as you enter your MIL and you alone vigil. It is useful to 'stay' with our inner process and see what is behind it all. I send you extra special greetings and am glad we share this particular step of the journey. All will be well, it just often doesn't feel that way.

Love BE
 

1954

Registered User
Jan 3, 2013
3,835
Sidcup
Hi BE

I am so pleased your husband is well! I got the wrong end of the stick there, didn't I? ;)

I am ok this morning........what a roller coaster this life is!

Have a lovely free day and will talk again when we get back later

Take care

1954 x
 

60's child

Registered User
Apr 23, 2013
588
suffolk
Hi 1954
Just read your thread. I am sorry you are having such a difficult time. It comes to something when you look forward to a day clearing out a flat, just to get some time with your partner and a chance to talk but I totally get it..! Enjoy yourselves and have a lovely meal out together.
Dee xx
 

Hair Twiddler

Registered User
Aug 14, 2012
892
Middle England
Hello 1954,
i'm new to your story and have been catching up this morning. I too do hope that your day with G is productive and that you get your jobs all done. (Give yourselves a big pat on the back later).

Now about this Turkish food.... I'm not sure that I could eat a 3 course meal of pink and white jelly squares dipped in icing sugar from a round cardboard fancy box! But each to their own I guess!!:D

Twiddler
 

1954

Registered User
Jan 3, 2013
3,835
Sidcup
My mother has had MIL for 9 hours! Well we have done a lot of clearing out of MIL's flat with my SIL. Great day, fab meal and freedom for the day. Bless my mother!

And when we got back there was a letter about Power of Attorney.........its going through..................YES YES

MIL washed all over tonight. Great

MIL remembers nothing of her day with my mother. But that is to be expected. Ready for bed and hope she stays in her bedroom

What life is this???? Am exhausted and so is G

Another day tomorrow

Thank you all for being there for me as I have no one who understands

Love 1954 x
 

1954

Registered User
Jan 3, 2013
3,835
Sidcup
Bedtime

Oh dear MIL did come down again last night and asked if anything was on the box. I gave her the mag with programmes on and she wanted to watch something at 9pm. So she went back up to her room and hope upon hope she would forget! Nop she came down for 9pm-isn't it strange she could not remember that she had just had fish and chips with my mother 1/2 hr after she had it but remembered to come downstairs 1 1/2 hrs later!

We promptly went upstairs to leave her to it in case we made her more wide awake. Aren't we cruel

1954 x
 

Big Effort

Account Closed
Jul 8, 2012
1,928
Hi 11954,
I logged in to TP to see how your night went.
At least you aren't in bits like three nights ago. Having someone else around does help, so glad husband was with you - and you had such a successful day yesterday, with people you enjoy.

Yes, I agree it is odd how they remember some things. Mum doesn't remember the good things at all. Gone out of memory as they occur. I know Stanley PJ hates it when I write of reptilian brains (yes, Stanley, I know I have one too, we all do!), but I do think it is a survival mechanism. Good things don't need to be remembered for survival of the organsim, but threats to survival are crucial to remember. Snakes bite so keep away from snakes means we survive despite the snakes.

I used to feel miffed at how Mum could forget a lovely afternoon spent gardening with me. Gone. Totally gone. Yet, when my husband got home, she would tell him that I was a horrible person because I "forced her to walk for miles in the rain" (translate this as I gently suggested she gets her daily stroll done in case it rains later!). This kind of thing is retained permanently, so she can form memories, just the unpleasant ones. It is so strange.

I guess your MIL thought she would 'miss out' on something if she didn't see X at 9 p.m., so remembering had a survival benefit.

Hope your day is a really good one and you feel a whole lot better. Remember: things change. What you can't bear today may not have the same effect on you a couple of weeks or months later. Hugs galore, BE
 

1954

Registered User
Jan 3, 2013
3,835
Sidcup
Hi BE

Thank you for your kind words

Its really strange to me how one can cope on one day and not the next. Most of the time I do cope I have to say

I must say I think you have more to cope with then me. Since stopping the Donepezil and me learning to agree with everything it is better-but I do have my moments!!! And so does MIL!! Don't we all!

I hope you have a good day today and get your non dementia things done

Huggies
1954 x
 

1954

Registered User
Jan 3, 2013
3,835
Sidcup
...........well today we have had a good day. Watched the news all day long until I could actually present the news for the BBC!

Walked onto Mums poo which was in little balls on the floor boards which was such a treat for me! Felt all squidgy:

I have just gone up to put her electric blanket on and thought where is the water with the sterident in her denture pot? She's drank it dry! Container on sterident says NOT TO DRINK. Oh well no more sterident!

THEN she came through and said Keiran (I could scream as its Kairen) could you put the news on as I have not seen it today! G nearly said something but remained restrained. She's off to wash or not! If she does not then she can stay in all day tomorrow and just stink the house out. I am not letting anyone else have to put up with that

I suppose not a bad day but then what will tomorrow bring?

Every day is so unpredictable .....

1954 x