Thanks 'sausagedog'. I know what you're saying and I don't think I've explained myself very well. I don't intend to take any extra money from the estate. I know I'm reliant on my sister honouring what she said, and to be fair I do think she will in this case. When I started this thread my sister and I were going through one of our regular fallings out, so I was being a bit mean about her. Like I said, I do trust her in this respect, just not in 99% of other things. There's a reason that, even though we're twins, I'm the only named executor.
As far as the bill paying is concerned, when I took documents/paperwork/admin, etc from my mum's house when the house needed to be sold I have evidence from her records that she was paying my sister's bills. This has been kept with my own documentation/admin for the OPG for the report I submitted every year in case it was questioned. Every year the bill paying has been put in the report (and described as such) as part of the 'gifting' section and never questioned. We're a very small family and aside from that there was gifting at Christmas and birthdays - the amounts that my mum had given to the immediate family when she was able to. Because I didn't have PoA I had to wait several months until I gained deputyship. It is laid out in my original court document what my responsibilities are and, with deputyship, they include 'gifting' that the person can be assumed (or proved) to have carried on doing themselves if they were still able to. My husband paid every bill in relationship to selling my mum's house, fees, bills owed, etc, and then later the first few months of care home fees. I'm very fortunate to be in the position that he was able to do that. The amount came to over £7000. He never expected to be paid back for that.
I'm sorry to everybody who's taken the time and trouble to respond on this thread, because I feel like I've come across as a horrible person who's only thinking about money. I took my financial deputyship so seriously and never thought that my mum's money was anything other than her's. There's not been one penny of my mum's money that's been used for me over the last five years, other than Christmas and birthdays. I really appreciate all your comments, and find them helpful. I posted at an emotional time for me, which was also bound up with thoughts/memories of last Christmas, which was awful for reasons nothing to do with my mum. I should either not have started this thread, or waited a couple of weeks. And now, here I am, whinging on and on again. I'll continue reading on here, and perhaps posting, but I promise I'll not use it as a place to unload every thought that's in my mind (I hope
). All the best for 2020 to everyone who's still going through this horrible journey.