• Expert Q&A: Rare dementias - Tues 3 March, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of rare dementias. It will be hosted by Nikki and Seb from Rare Dementia Support. If you have any questions about rare dementias, they will be here to answer them on Tuesday 3 March between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

Dearest Lionel - Part 2

connie

Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
9,519
Frinton-on-Sea
:) Now is the time for me to confess………….

I asked you to rejoice with me when I brought Lionel back from respite at the end of last month. The “honeymoon period” did not last but 24 hours before, once again, paramedics had to be called out. He was no longer able to go to the day centre, and, after six days , the last fall he had we thought he had broken his hip. Even the paramedics were worried. I had to accept that the time had come for me to admit that I could no longer care for him at home with me.He went back into the care home on the 8th. He feels that he has been abandoned (his words) and only time will prove that he hasn’t. Saw him again today, had lunch with him, gave him a hand and foot massage, so he slept for hour and a half, but he seemed contented. The care home is superb, and I have no guilt feelings, I just pray that he will settle down, and we can then try to enjoy our new routine together.

I am very tired and everything seems to be taking me a long time to do, even thinking about things takes time. I guess I must be as kind to myself as I am to my dear Lionel.
I have tried telling him that when we first met, we only used to see each other twice a week, and I used to go to Fleet Street (London) to have lunch with him.
:) . and we sit and reminiss over lunch together.

Will let you know how things go, over the next weeks. It has not been plain sailing, but it so much for him to adjust too.
 

Brucie

Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
12,413
near London
Hi Connie

it is probably the most difficult thing we have to do.

Two days ago was the fifth anniversary of Jan moving into her care home [she has been at the hospital assessment centre for a further five months prior to that after they had let her fall so badly she could never return home.]

I remember precisely the feelings, and I rarely look back at my diary of the time as it is still far too poignant and painful. e.g.
diary 17 November 2001 said:
Just before I was going to leave, Jan said “don’t go now”, but a little later was okay when I said I had to go to feed the cats. Jan really takes a lot in and understands more than I can conceive of her understanding
In the five years since [I've driven some 70,000 miles back and fore to see her], Jan has been very well cared for, and we have our very regular times together. she is still lovely and while her condition has worsened past any point that I could have imagined five years ago, she is still Jan, and we still have fleeting moments that are very special.

Take things slowly, and take care of yourself!
 

MrsP

Registered User
Mar 19, 2005
115
Dear Connie

I'm sorry to hear about Lionel having so short a stay at home. Make sure you look after yourself, and continue to enjoy all those times you will have together. With best wishes, Kate x.
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Dear Connie

Just read your news......but please don't say 'confess'. We all know how you feel about Lionel, and how well you have cared for him. You have done all anyone could, and there is no shame in having to admit defeat.

You must be feeling so low just now, and I feel so sorry for you. But it will get better. Lionel will get used to the new routine, and you will feel so much better because the stress will have been taken from you.

Look after yourself, Connie, and try to have a rest.

Love,
 

Lillie

Registered User
Oct 21, 2006
15
Midlands
Just to let you know I am thinking of you Connie - you don't know me at all but I have read many of your posts and you are such a kind and thoughtful lady - your words bring much comfort to others and i hope you realise how valued you are on this site. Sending you me very best wishes x x x x
 

BeckyJan

Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
18,972
Derbyshire
Dear Lionel

Just read your news and feel for you. It is the part of the ALz journey that I dread. It will be hard for your to adjust to a new routine - but hopefully it will soon settle down and you can enjoy those precious times visiting your dear Lionel.
Do look after yourself - take the advice you are so kind and good at giving to others, Best wishes Beckyjan
 

mel

Registered User
Apr 30, 2006
1,656
62
Sheffield
Dear Connie
This is such a difficult time for you
I'm thinking of you
Take care of yourself.....give yourself time to adjust
love and hugs
xx
 

TinaT

Registered User
Sep 27, 2006
7,095
Bolton
Dear Connie,

As ever, your love for Lionel shines through every word you write. God bless you both on this oh, so hard journey.

Hugs from TinaT
 

Libby

Registered User
May 20, 2006
625
62
North East
Hi Connie

I do hope that Lionel settles well and you can enjoy your time together more by being a little less stressed.

Take care of youself

Libs
 

Tender Face

Account Closed
Mar 14, 2006
5,379
NW England
Connie, You use words like 'admit' and confess' as if you have done something wrong .... surely you are testimony here to the courage and strength we hope we all can find within ourselves to cope as best we can for as long as we can .... and to find the courage to make the right decision when we are faced with choice, or at times, faced with no choice but to continue to do our best in different circumstances.

Your strength and resolve in loving and caring for Lionel has been a 'shining light' here for me.

God bless, Karen, x
 

daughter

Registered User
Mar 16, 2005
824
Hang on in there Connie, hard though it is, you and Lionel will get through this and adjust. Life will be different but some things will be a little easier now that you have reached the decision.
Love from Hazel.
 

linda a

Registered User
Jun 13, 2006
48
suffolk
So Sorry

I was sorry to read your sad news you sound as if you have so much love for each other all the very best :)
 

connie

Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
9,519
Frinton-on-Sea
On a lighter note:

I did not visit today, but our wonderful morning carer (Tweedledum) went to see Lionel this afternoon.

He was slightly subdued, and she was not sure that he recognised her, but after a while his eyes started twinkling.

He asked her why he was "in this lovely place", she replied "Well Mr Lionel your memory is playing tricks on you, but it is your legs that are the problem. They keep letting you down" "Thank goodness" he replied "I thought it was gremlins in the carpet"

I just so love his sense of humour. Am seeing him for the day tomorrow, lunch etc.
can't wait. Hope we both
 

Attachments

alex

Registered User
Apr 10, 2006
1,665
Its so nice to know that after going through so much together, you still look forward to spending time with each other, but thats what love is all about!...........i hope you both enjoy your day.

Love Alex x
 

Forum statistics

Threads
112,796
Messages
1,652,189
Members
63,166
Latest member
Lizziemac