1. Our next Q&A session is on the topic of Christmas and dementia.This time we want our Q&A to involve our resident experts, you! Share tips and advice on navigating Christmas here in this thread.

    Pop by and post your questions or if you prefer you can email your question to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.
  1. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    :) Now is the time for me to confess………….

    I asked you to rejoice with me when I brought Lionel back from respite at the end of last month. The “honeymoon period” did not last but 24 hours before, once again, paramedics had to be called out. He was no longer able to go to the day centre, and, after six days , the last fall he had we thought he had broken his hip. Even the paramedics were worried. I had to accept that the time had come for me to admit that I could no longer care for him at home with me.He went back into the care home on the 8th. He feels that he has been abandoned (his words) and only time will prove that he hasn’t. Saw him again today, had lunch with him, gave him a hand and foot massage, so he slept for hour and a half, but he seemed contented. The care home is superb, and I have no guilt feelings, I just pray that he will settle down, and we can then try to enjoy our new routine together.

    I am very tired and everything seems to be taking me a long time to do, even thinking about things takes time. I guess I must be as kind to myself as I am to my dear Lionel.
    I have tried telling him that when we first met, we only used to see each other twice a week, and I used to go to Fleet Street (London) to have lunch with him.
    :) . and we sit and reminiss over lunch together.

    Will let you know how things go, over the next weeks. It has not been plain sailing, but it so much for him to adjust too.
  2. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    Sending a hug.
    Much love, Helen.
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Dear Connie, What a difficult time for you. Please take care of yourself. Love Sylvia
  4. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    near London
    Hi Connie

    it is probably the most difficult thing we have to do.

    Two days ago was the fifth anniversary of Jan moving into her care home [she has been at the hospital assessment centre for a further five months prior to that after they had let her fall so badly she could never return home.]

    I remember precisely the feelings, and I rarely look back at my diary of the time as it is still far too poignant and painful. e.g.
    In the five years since [I've driven some 70,000 miles back and fore to see her], Jan has been very well cared for, and we have our very regular times together. she is still lovely and while her condition has worsened past any point that I could have imagined five years ago, she is still Jan, and we still have fleeting moments that are very special.

    Take things slowly, and take care of yourself!
  5. MrsP

    MrsP Registered User

    Mar 19, 2005
    Dear Connie

    I'm sorry to hear about Lionel having so short a stay at home. Make sure you look after yourself, and continue to enjoy all those times you will have together. With best wishes, Kate x.
  6. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Dear Connie

    Just read your news......but please don't say 'confess'. We all know how you feel about Lionel, and how well you have cared for him. You have done all anyone could, and there is no shame in having to admit defeat.

    You must be feeling so low just now, and I feel so sorry for you. But it will get better. Lionel will get used to the new routine, and you will feel so much better because the stress will have been taken from you.

    Look after yourself, Connie, and try to have a rest.

  7. Lillie

    Lillie Registered User

    Oct 21, 2006
    Just to let you know I am thinking of you Connie - you don't know me at all but I have read many of your posts and you are such a kind and thoughtful lady - your words bring much comfort to others and i hope you realise how valued you are on this site. Sending you me very best wishes x x x x
  8. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    Birmingham Hades
    Dear Connie
    thinking about you,look after yourself
  9. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    Dear Lionel

    Just read your news and feel for you. It is the part of the ALz journey that I dread. It will be hard for your to adjust to a new routine - but hopefully it will soon settle down and you can enjoy those precious times visiting your dear Lionel.
    Do look after yourself - take the advice you are so kind and good at giving to others, Best wishes Beckyjan
  10. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    Dear Connie
    This is such a difficult time for you
    I'm thinking of you
    Take care of yourself.....give yourself time to adjust
    love and hugs
  11. TinaT

    TinaT Registered User

    Sep 27, 2006
    Dear Connie,

    As ever, your love for Lionel shines through every word you write. God bless you both on this oh, so hard journey.

    Hugs from TinaT
  12. Libby

    Libby Registered User

    May 20, 2006
    North East
    Hi Connie

    I do hope that Lionel settles well and you can enjoy your time together more by being a little less stressed.

    Take care of youself

  13. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    NW England
    Connie, You use words like 'admit' and confess' as if you have done something wrong .... surely you are testimony here to the courage and strength we hope we all can find within ourselves to cope as best we can for as long as we can .... and to find the courage to make the right decision when we are faced with choice, or at times, faced with no choice but to continue to do our best in different circumstances.

    Your strength and resolve in loving and caring for Lionel has been a 'shining light' here for me.

    God bless, Karen, x
  14. daughter

    daughter Registered User

    Mar 16, 2005
    Hang on in there Connie, hard though it is, you and Lionel will get through this and adjust. Life will be different but some things will be a little easier now that you have reached the decision.
    Love from Hazel.
  15. PatH

    PatH Registered User

    Feb 14, 2005
    Dear Connie,
    Thinking of you and understanding your concerns. Sending my love.
  16. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    Dear Connie,

    Thinking of you.
  17. linda a

    linda a Registered User

    Jun 13, 2006
    So Sorry

    I was sorry to read your sad news you sound as if you have so much love for each other all the very best :)
  18. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    On a lighter note:

    I did not visit today, but our wonderful morning carer (Tweedledum) went to see Lionel this afternoon.

    He was slightly subdued, and she was not sure that he recognised her, but after a while his eyes started twinkling.

    He asked her why he was "in this lovely place", she replied "Well Mr Lionel your memory is playing tricks on you, but it is your legs that are the problem. They keep letting you down" "Thank goodness" he replied "I thought it was gremlins in the carpet"

    I just so love his sense of humour. Am seeing him for the day tomorrow, lunch etc.
    can't wait. Hope we both

    Attached Files:

  19. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Connie, hope you and Lionel have a lovely day.
  20. alex

    alex Registered User

    Apr 10, 2006
    Its so nice to know that after going through so much together, you still look forward to spending time with each other, but thats what love is all about!...........i hope you both enjoy your day.

    Love Alex x

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