1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

Dear Lionel - this evening.

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by connie, Aug 1, 2006.

  1. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Set scene - 8.00pm settled down to watch some TV

    Lionel not very settled and quite talkative, so I went to make a drink.
    Came back with tea and chocolate biscuits. (Lionel diabetic, so this was a special treat).
    I drank my tea, he was still drooling over the biscuits......Set the ironing board up next to him. so he was not alone. Conversation then goes.............

    "Con, where is my drink" It is there on the coffee table. Where is your drink.? My cup is the empty one. Are you sure? Yes. Which one is mine? Yours is the full cup in front of you.

    I am trying still to do the ironing.

    9.30. We start getting ready for bed

    Come and do a wee for me in the bottle? Have I done a wee? No, not yet.
    Do I want to go? I think you should. Have I been yet.

    When I was young my mother used to say when I had been naughty "Lord give me strength" Nowdays I truly pray for someone to give me the strength to carry this situation with dignity for Lionel, and humour for me.
     
  2. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    We all on TP shall give you the strength (((( hugs)))) :)
     
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,672
    Kent
    Dignity and Patience

    Oh Connie, How I know what you`re saying.

    It`s so difficult to keep smiling and be positive, while we watch them slowly lose their dignity.

    It`s just as difficult to be patient all the time, answering the same questions over and over again, waiting for them to complete a task, so slowly, so slowly.

    It`s so difficult not to cry all the time, especially at times when they don`t realize they have said or done anything out of the ordinary.

    When he has a `good day` my husband thinks he is recovering from AD. When he has a `bad day`, some insight tells him he will never recover. It`s so difficult to go along with his moods.

    It`s even more difficult to see a once caring and considerate husband become indifferent to our needs.

    It`s so sad, it`s so cruel.

    Grannie G
     
  4. May

    May Registered User

    Oct 15, 2005
    627
    Yorkshire
    Hi Connie
    I smiled a gentle smile in sympathy at your post.
    I've called and had tea with Mum & Dad this evening. We played the game of 'swap the plates because yours looks better than mine':confused: I arrived late so they had halfway finished their tea.
    Mum- Have you got enough?
    Me - yes Mum it's fine..
    Mum - but are you sure, this might be better (her half eaten tea:eek: )
    Me - I'm sure Mum, there's plenty
    Mum - Ok
    All the while Dad is trying desperately to stifle 'the giggles'!

    Then when it came to 'afters', we went through the same thing again...except this time Mum got hers and then snaffled mine, :) no fruit pie for me then... but I don't mind we all three of us had a good giggle, I'm positive Mum on some level knew exactly what she was doing, but she too has not had a very settled day and was agitated earlier on. It was a treat to see the effect a little humour had on them both.:)

    Wishing you strength to take the strain when times are difficult, and humour to lighten your days
    Best wishes to you both
     
  5. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    give me strength!

    Hi Connie

    Your post made me smile. I remember when dad started to be ill ........... not that long ago. He had a hospital appointment, but for some reason was convinced he had TWO hospital appointments. I don't know what happened in his brain, but he seemed to double everything up when he was ill .......... so he had twice as many siblings as he actually had, there were two of him, he'd been married twice ........ etc. He phoned me with his worries about the appointments. I kept explaining to him over and over that there was only one appointment and that I'd got time off work to take him to it. I was getting very wound up because he's deaf and couldn't seem to hear, and (although I didn't properly understand it at the time) was becoming more and more confused. I ended up shouting down the phone "there's only one appointment dad ........ ONE appointment". He couldn't hear me and kept going on about the other one. I muttered sotto voce into the phone "oh ....god .... give me strength" . And he came back straight away with "give you strength for what" :eek:

    hugs Áine
     
  6. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Morning all


    Sounds like my mum



    I find what give me inter strength is knowing that I can log on to the internet knowing that there a invisible community that come together. who are caring for someone who has dementia we our not alone we can share our ups and down , thank –god for technology the carer that come in the morning & my dog ok one day I shall get a life when I find the time ,but then this is my life :)
     
  7. maria29al

    maria29al Registered User

    Mar 15, 2006
    426
    Warwickshire
    I think you are all stars...I dont live with my Mum so only get the strange chat in short bursts.

    Now Dad has died she is convinced that 3 men died...her husband, my dad and the kids granddad...it drives me mad as we go through the same "surprise" at how those 3 men left the house one day and never came back!..then I explain..(not sure if I should ) and she then gets upset and I can see the realisation dawn that Dad has gone for good.

    It is so draining and so very sad to see her get upset and go through genuine grief that gets no easier.
    She has started forgetting who the grandchildren are at times too...

    I really hate this disease...

    I hope she doesnt have to suffer too long with it as I cant bear to see her get worse and worse in front of my very eyes...and thats the way it seems with this doesnt it?...a deterioration overnight sometimes and something that was "ok" yesterday has disappeared into the muddle of her mind never to be seen again the next!

    When my sister and I visited Dad in the Chapel of Rest we both asked him not to leave it too long til he came for Mum as we dont want to see her suffer...was that bad?

    Anyway, you are all amazing the way you cope day in day out. I really admire you all.

    Hugs

    M
    xxxxxx
     
  8. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    1,656
    Sheffield
    No Maria not at all....I've looked at the heavens many times and said the same
     
  9. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    700
    Oklahoma,USA
    Hi Connie,
    You are such a dear. I'm sorry your having a difficult time and just want you to know I'm thinking of you.
    My Mom has left the repetitive phase and now talks in unintelligible half sentences. I rather miss it as at least it was some conversation that we could exchange.....even if it was the same one over and over ! She will also struggle to find a simple word to use and then just give up trying to complete a sentence. All I can do is give her a hug.
    Hang in there and if thoughts and prayers help, I have them coming your way.
    Love, Debbie
     
  10. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #10 Margarita, Aug 2, 2006
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2006
    rummy

    Bring to mind my daughter who is 22 she (Marie) has been going to church every Sunday for the last mouth so I went along on Sunday.

    There was a Spanish Priest talking in English, he was talking about taking the bread, he said that it is like the film wizard of Oz yellow brick road all meeting up there after life. On the way home I said to my daughter that if there was a life after death why had father, untie not got in contact with me, my imagination died when my father died.

    I got this in an Email to day from my daughter today

    DEATH~

    WHAT A WONDERFUL WAY TO EXPLAIN IT!!!!!



    A sick man turned to his doctor,

    as he was preparing to leave the examination room and said,

    "Doctor, I am afraid to die.

    Tell me what lies on the other side."

    Very quietly, the doctor said, "I don't know."

    "You don't know?

    You, a Christian man, do not know what is on the other side?"

    The doctor was holding the handle of the door;

    on the other side came a sound of scratching and whining,

    and as he opened the door,

    a dog sprang into the room

    and leaped on him with an eager show of gladness.

    Turning to the patient, the doctor said,

    "Did you notice my dog?

    He's never been in this room before.

    He didn't know what was inside.

    He knew nothing except that his master was here,

    and when the door opened, he sprang in without fear.

    I know little of what is on the other side of death,

    but I do know one thing...

    I know my Master is there and that is enough."
     
  11. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    1,656
    Sheffield

    Margarita,that is exactly how I feel......I feel sure that if there was anything there at all then my auntie and my dad both of whom I loved very much would have found a way to let me know......kind of takes the hope away.....doesn't it?
    Wendy
    x
    One day I might share my thoughts on God......but not now......
     
  12. candymostdandy@

    candymostdandy@ Registered User

    May 12, 2006
    81
    west sussex
    Both my in-laws never set foot in a church, both lived until they were 87 in good health:-

    My father in law was having lunch, put the rubbish bins out and then died.

    My mother in law was left at home watching tv after a shopping trip with her daughter, next day she was found in front of the tv as she had been left the previous evening.

    On the other hand both my parents life long practicing catholics:-

    My father suffered from Parkinsons and died two years ago in the most horrid way.

    and now my mother who nursed him for all that time suffers from AZ.



    it does make me wonder?????????????
     
  13. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    Yes, doesn't it just! For what it's worth, I think the key factor isn't so much the belief or unbelief as the quality of that belief or unbelief. Sometimes belief in god gives strength and comfort and inspires people in love and courage. Sometimes it acts as a straight jacket of fear and obligation. Sometimes unbelief gives freedom and relief and sometimes it leads to lack of meaning and purpose in lives. Either way can lead to life or despair and many shades in between.

    thats what I think anyway :confused:
     
  14. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    700
    Oklahoma,USA
    I just don't think God assigns illness. We aren't supposed to live forever and we are subject to being frail mortals. I don't ask why, it could be so much worse. My sister in law has MS and is declining, she can't move, that is worse than AD. My neice is 14 with a mind of a 8 year old and will never advance, that is worse. We all know stories, it can always be worse. So what is the answer?
    Persevere, have faith that will carry you through the dark times and try to be positive because negative feeling cause negative reactions ( I fight that one all the time !)
    Ok, enough of my unsolicited preaching. This is tough and together we will get through and persevere. God is there to help get us through, not hurt us.
    Hang in there.
    Debbie
     
  15. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london


    Sure does, I did have a really lovely dream for the first time few nights ago of my dad

    Few nights ago I had a lovely dream of my dad I was hugging him telling him all my problems since he died.

    4 years now since he died and it has taken that long to have a positive dream, that is all we our left with lock lost memories that come out in dreams.

    My daughter says that maybe they soul are at peace somewhere that is why they do not get in contact. The one that are not at peace are still wondering around on earth.

    I do not believe in heaven or hell. I say we choice to make life on earth heaven or hell in our own mind, so of I go to look for my imagination and think of the colour yellow, blue, white that make me feel good.




    I am going back to church because it bring back happy memories of my children when younger in church making noise and the nun saying be quite :eek: :rolleyes: lol doing there holy communion , going to summer camp I need to pull on all those happy memories & the church bring them back .
     

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