Hi So I don't normally post to anything but I feel that pushing myself could really help me deal with everything going on. My mom was diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia at the age of 46 in 2013. I was 17 at the time and to be told your mother has dementia was just heart breaking. As a family we decided it was time for my mom to go to the doctors when things started going down hill. My grandfather had the same disease and so when the symptoms that started appearing in my mom, we had some idea of what maybe going on. My mother was very high in her field. She was an expert and got to travel around the world giving talks and presentations and recieving awards. She was a scientist and throughout growing up my mom was completely commited to her job. My mom got made redundant a few years ago because of no funding (even though we now suspect it may have something to do with her illness and forgetting things) and after working in that job for over 20 years she was gutted. She found a few other jobs but the final straw came when she was let go from one for making inapproriate comments to other members of staff. My mom has always been an outgoing person but she was always professional and along with forgetting things, this really worried us as my grandad used to get in trouble for saying things not publically acceptable. I went with my mother to the doctors and she was diagnosed after scans and tests. Even though we as a family could see what was going on, it was still a total shock to the system and unexpected. We all had tried to deny things but I couldn't take seeing my mom like this. 2 years later now and things are progressing alot faster than I ever anticipated. In my mind at the time, it would be years before things started getting more serious and yet I feel like I am sat here watching her decline. There is no treatment at all available and she sees a nurse every 3- 6 weeks to monitor her condition. I cannot help but feel useless. I want more than anything to stop what is happening to her. My grandad had no idea as he was later on, but my mom knows. My mom has seen my grandads decline and she is heart broken too. She is starting to not realise more now as time goes on, which may be easier for her to cope with but it is heart breaking to watch. As a family, we have to monitor her for her safety, have had equipment installed to help keep her safe, do housework, make sure there is someone with her, make sure she washes and has clean clothes etc. I have no issue with doing these things for my mom. I love her to bits and I would do anything for her, but at the same time I wish I didn't have to. Not because I don't want to, but because I don't want to see her ill. Sometimes I look at her and I have to leave the room. I feel like my mom is there but not there at the same time. I sometimes can't look at her eyes either. It sounds horrible but when I look it's like she is not there and I can't deal with losing her. The fact that things will only get worse from here is something I try not to think about, but it is always in the back of my mind. It feels like a ticking clock and every second that goes is taking her from me. I spend time with her everyday, I take her out walking, try to make her eat her vegetables (all things recommended by the doctor) but then I still feel useless. I don't feel like I am helping her. My mom is still aware of things alot of the time, it just seems like more and more she will have 'space outs' and I can only imagine how frustrating it is for her. I want to help but I don't know what to do. I have always wanted to go to university and my family (including my mom) have always made sure I get what I can out of my life and education. Next month, I am moving away to study at Uni and I am very excited to learn more and become even more independent. However, there is something in my head that has been upsetting me for ages now and that is that I can't stand the thought of leaving her. I don't want to miss out on my time with her. I don't want to lose her when I am gone. I don't want to leave my dad and brother having to deal. I feel guilty. I spoke to my mom and she said she would not be able to stand the thought of me not doing something for myself because of her. I understand her point completely but at the same time I'm scared. I can travel home and visit her when I can, I can skype, I can send letters, I can ring, but I have this horrible thought that she will forget me. I know that the likelyhood of this happening is not alot and compared to where her illness could be she is no where near, however I am terrified I will miss out on her. Sorry for the long post! I suppose every worry that had been building just came out at once whilst I was writing! I love my mom and I just wish I could do something more. I know she will be okay, and my dad and brother will look after her but I just can't shake this worry. Any advice would be beyond appreciated in any area Thank you for any support.