dealing with stress of father with lewy bodies dementia

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by debbie_2005, Mar 10, 2005.

  1. debbie_2005

    debbie_2005 Registered User

    Mar 10, 2005
    2
    North East UK
    Hi, i am writing this from my husband and myself as its his parents i will be talking about.

    My Father in law has Lewy Body Dementia and has got progressively worse over the last 6 months. He falls umpteen times a day, he does understand whats going on now and again, but most of the time is not aware. He is incontinent, needs help with his meals (he has to be fed)...basically every one of his needs has to met by my mother in law who is caring for him at home.

    On Monday this week, my mother in law was rushed into hospital having have suffered a small stroke. It takes her upto 2 hours sometimes longer to get him upstairs to bed, thats if he is co operative.We have talked to her about getting either a home carer in to help or maybe even putting father in law into a care home.
    He does not recieve any respite as he didnt even have a social worker when we started investigating all these possibilities.

    We explained to mother that she needs a break from the caring or she will to find herself in need of someone caring for her.

    We are now finding ourselves banging our heads against the wall as she is adamant that she needs no help at all to care for her husband.
    We live over 300 miles away, and the only relative that lives nearby works, and has a young baby.
    She does go out and leaves her husband alone, only to find when she gets home that he has fallen.
    We dont know what else to do to try and make her realise that she can no longer do this to herself or her husband. She just will not listen.
    We have told social worker everything, but mother in law says she doesnt want to see the social worker as she has now hired a cleaner and everything is going to be fine.

    We understand that she wants to care for her husband as long as possible, and that she loves him and worries etc. But the time has come for her to think of her own health, before she has a major stroke or dies.

    Any advice very welcome :confused:
     
  2. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    2,259
    West Sussex
    Hi Debbie, well you have done all you can by alerting the Social Worker. It might be an idea to give her a regular ring, this would at least ensure that you were kept aware of what the current position was as far as help was concerned. It's a sad fact, but if your M in Law refuses help, until it becomes "unsafe", there is not a lot can be done. At least if you rang the SW every now and again it would kind of keep the file open. This must be so difficult for you, I do sympathise. Love She. XX
     
  3. debbie_2005

    debbie_2005 Registered User

    Mar 10, 2005
    2
    North East UK
    what would be regarded as 'unsafe'...as i think my father in law is unsafe now, i think my mother in law is too.

    Thanks for the quick reply.
     
  4. angela.robinson

    angela.robinson Registered User

    Dec 27, 2004
    520
    hi ,can i bring up a list of threads ,or do i have to wade ththrough all the last threads ,i want to find the one on lewy bodies ,ANGELA
     
  5. angela.robinson

    angela.robinson Registered User

    Dec 27, 2004
    520
    hi debby ,it doese sound like both your inlaws are unsafe now ,it is a pity SS was not alerted when your MinL was in hospital with her stroke , i know how hard it is to accept the time has come when you cant manage things ,my husband has all the problems your FinL has .though i have only just started to accept help ,we are both fairly young ;and i know it is not safe now that he is falling ,so keep on at the SW i am sure they will find some way round this ,they need all the help they can get ,it must be very frustrating for you,trying to help them ANGELA
     
  6. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    2,259
    West Sussex
    Hi, afraid this is a bit like a piece of string but with your M in Law holding the business end. Until she admits that help is needed, providing she is in sound enough mind to do so, she gets the casting vote. All you can do is keep pressing both her and the SW to obtain the help that your parents are entitled to and need. It's really difficult if your M in Law is stubborn about it. Hopefully she may soon realise how hard things are getting before she exhausts herself totally out of loyalty. You can still be loyal without killing yourself into the bargain which is what she is in danger of sadly. Sorry to sound so dismal, but if you can try to get her round to thinking differently, then help could perhaps be arranged and you would not be so worried. It is awful when you are far away and things are so heavy. Thinking of you all, love She. XX
     
  7. Chris

    Chris Registered User

    May 20, 2003
    243
    Searching amongst the archives

    Hello Angela

    If you click on SEARCH in the brown band at the top of the message pages - you will see a search box - just type in the words eg Lewy body , then you will be given a list of threads where those words have appeared - you just click on one of those & you will be taken to the thread - its great !!!!

    Hope that makes sense. Chris
     
  8. angela.robinson

    angela.robinson Registered User

    Dec 27, 2004
    520
    thanks CHRIS .that sure saves time ,ANGELA
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.