Dealing with my dad

[tiswas77]

Hi all, just found this site and great to read some of the comments. My dad is 93 and lives on his own, he's been showing signs of Alzheimer's for a couple of years, but it getting worse.
My mother died when I was 13 and dad brought up my and my brother. We pop in to see him everyday, but that was getting hard to do for the both of us because of work. So I've desided to stay with him, but I think i'm going to need help, as its only myself and brother that visits him.
He a good man 98% of the time, but sometimes he thinks he don't stay in this house and asks to be taken home. He's only asked where mum is only and he corrected him self, she died nearly 40 years ago.
I have a partner how is very understanding and help when she can, but she's got her own problems to deal with. Both my brother and myself work full time, and we live in Scotland.

Graham

 

[Cat27]

Hello Graham & welcome to TP. You'll get loads of help & support here.

 

[canary]

Hi tiswas
Im sorry to hear about your dad. It is difficult when they live on their own.
Do you intend to stay with him and continue working? If your dad is getting to the stage when he no longer recognises his own home then he has probably reached the moderate stage of dementia. Have you stayed with him recently? You may find that the evenings and night are a whole new ball-game. I was thinking whether I could get mum to live with me when she reached that stage so she came to stay with me for a week-end. Her confusion and delusions in the evening were awful and she was up every half an hour through the whole night.
Looking after someone with dementia is really hard work and it just gets harder. There was no way that I could have looked after her and worked, even with carers coming in.

If you feel that you want to continue, then the place to start for help is Adult Services and ask for a needs assessment. Mum flatly refused any help, so Im afraid i cant advise you about this, but Im sure someone else will be able to.

 

[Demonica66]

Hi Tiswas77. You will get much help and support on here. The literature from this organisation and Age UK is also very helpful. First and foremost, I just want to ask if your father has a Power of Attorney in place? If not, PLEASE do it now. I am in the position of applying for a Deputyship for my Mum via the Court of Protection and it is a minefield. I have to work full-time and tried so hard to juggle everything and spin plates, but it resulted in so much stress (due too lack of support) that I was left with no choice but to place mum in a (lovely) care home. As Canary says, you need a referral to an adult mental health team and to social services. Ultimately, as Canary also experienced, my Mum refused all help so was hospitalised and placed in a care home from there, in her best interest. It is a long, hard road to travel but this forum has helped me so much. I hope it will help you too. D x


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[chris53]

Hi Graham, a warm welcome to you to Talking Point, here you will find lots of support and understanding so please feel free to chat away and even have a rant if it helps! only time will tell how dad really is when you stay with him, my mum lives on her own and I spend 4 days with her,helping her to remain independent, a lot of the time she seems ok but I am not there all day or at night..so a lot of the time it's fingers crossed all is ok, I would still feel the same about her even if dementia had not invaded her life, as she is more frail since dad passed away 5 years ago. She has a wonderful friend and neighbour downstairs who just keeps a watchful eye out,a relief I can say may I suggest you write down all the changes dad is going through, and present this to dads GP, the doctor can usually fast track a visit from social services who will do an assessment of needs and advise what help is available, as you are working they will need to base this on dad still living on his own most of the day,and if they know you are staying there a lot of the time,some help may not be forthcoming.
Do keep posting,and take care
Chris