Dealing with delusions

[marionq]

This is a kind of a written sob. On the three days John doesn't go to daycare I dread the delusions which will start up in the afternoons.

Religious mania - he can't eat as he must go to Communion at Mass ( rarely went to communion and hasn't been capable of going to mass for over a year).

Work - very important job to be done and needs to get there if he can only locate his car
(Retired twenty years ago)

Brothers - all six are dead but he has to meet one or more at a pub which is usually one that got knocked down forty years ago or more

And so it goes on.

I start to feel incandescent as this nonsense goes on. I walk miles with him. I take him to Places I think will interest him but ultimately I am 72 and want a life that feels normal. On the days he is in care I have begun to have a taste of what that life could be.

I have been dieting successfully for the last couple of months but today I had two large glass of red with my dinner and a handful of chocolate bought for the kids at Halloween. This is how carers go astray! What to do? My husband is a nice person but how much more of this rubbish can anyone take.

 

[pamann]

Hello marionq,
Its good you have 3 days day care, you would not manage without it. Its 14months now that l have had my freedom, l have now recovered from caring 24/7, it has taken this long, l now feel normal, so much more energy. You will know when you have had enough, you must be getting very tired, do you get much sleep at night, l found that was the tipping point for me. thinking of you, take great care of yourself.

 

[Shedrech]

hi marionq
I have no answers, sadly
you are such a support to others that I just wanted to say 'I hear you'

and gently, very gently, I suggest that as you are asking maybe it's time to begin some research on the next phase of your husband's care

I've no chocolate in the house (am also trying to keep my weight under control) but I did open a lovely red the other night and will toast you and your husband this evening

always, very best wishes

 

[marionq]

How good of you both. Tomorrow my middle daughter is coming for lunch - with a cake - she bakes beautifully. We will put Dad in the wheelchair and go for a walk and I'll get through until Tuesday. I told the driver of the minibus he is like the Mounties relief patrol coming to rescue me!

There are just some days that the accumulation gets to you and you look into the future and shudder.

 

[Izzy]

I'm sorry I have no answers Marion. Bill was never really like that. I can understand the build up of emotions though.

I have a large glass of red to hand. Thinking of you.

 

[Tara62]

I just wanted to say 'I hear you'

Me too. I hear you, Marionq

 

[Kjn]

Dad was same , it's exhausting. Even now his day still has 'work' related themes, even though in hospital he has grabbed his glasses , a paper and gone off to a meeting somewhere down the corridor .
Any chance of more day cares?

 

[Grannie G]

I identify with you marion even though I know it`s not much help. Delusions are impossible to deal with successfully because the goalposts keep moving.

Your post brings back memories which exhaust and overwhelm me just thinking of them.

 

[Lawson58]

OH has never been delusional but we have just been through another phase of severe paranoia and it gets to the stage where I no longer have any answers and end up in meltdown. And the sad part for all of us is that we are all caught in the web of someone else's disease(s) and do not know how long our sentence will be. And in my experience, support for carers falls very short of what might really help. Mostly, we are left to get on with it on our own.

I resorted to having some counselling which was really helpful initially but she left to take up a position with teenagers and her replacement has been rather disappointing.

This time, OH has got so cranky with me that he won't talk to me and I'll take that as a blessing for the moment. He has taken himself off to the study to watch TV on his own, another blessing.

Think it might be Bacardi and coke tonight.

 

[marionq]

Thanks everyone. I was having a red wine fuelled meltdown! It is as you say so exhausting dealing with will o the wisp ideas that cannot be resolved no matter what you do.

Eighteen months ago when John's wandering was at its height I was offered a part funded care home place for him. The home I wanted didn't have a vacancy and so with increased meds and more day care we soldiered on and mostly it has been a great improvement. John is a happy person despite his delusions and it is just me who cracks up now and then.

Daughter who is coming today is always full of stories, jokes and good nature (exactly as she was as as a small child but 49 now!) and so that will cheer us all up.

Hav a good day.

 

[cragmaid]

Marion, I hope you don't think I'm pushing you, but is it time, do you think....time to consider that care home or full time day care? There comes a time where the need for residential care is not just for the good of the PWD, but for the carer too. You cannot do the job of caring properly if you are burned out. Is respite an option, or would it make life worse afterwards? Talk to your daughter, discuss it with your Social Worker, contact the CH, revisit them and put OH's name down....you don't have to take the first room offered.....but if you aren't on the list you won't be offered anything..... and, be careful, because you will start to dislike yourself if you resort to the glass or chocolate as a way of coping every time there is a crisis, and you need to like yourself.

 

[marionq]

Thank you for that. He is on a waiting list and I was offered a place on the day he came out of hospital and turned it down. I have the feeling that the moment is going to present itself and I'm prepared for that. The sticking point is that he is happy and does enjoy the day centres he goes to. I won't turn the offer down again and will see how he gets on in his second bout of respite there in the near future.

 

[Mme Blonde]

I can identify with every word. Ken became 'afternoon delusional' and in fact was sectioned and admitted to hospital for assessment on the 7th October with the hope of finding a level of medication which could control his behaviour. Sadly he caught a cold on the ward which soon developed into a chest infection and pneumonia and he had to be transferred to a medical ward. The infection accelerated his AZ and sadly he passed away on Friday having been unable to eat for over three weeks. Normality seems far off at the moment but I'm sure it will return sometime in the future.



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[marionq]

Edited to move post

 

[HillyBilly]

I can identify with every word. Ken became 'afternoon delusional' and in fact was sectioned and admitted to hospital for assessment on the 7th October with the hope of finding a level of medication which could control his behaviour. Sadly he caught a cold on the ward which soon developed into a chest infection and pneumonia and he had to be transferred to a medical ward. The infection accelerated his AZ and sadly he passed away on Friday having been unable to eat for over three weeks. Normality seems far off at the moment but I'm sure it will return sometime in the future.

Mme Blonde - i'm so sorry to hear that your Ken passed away, so very sorry x

 

[Cat27]

I can identify with every word. Ken became 'afternoon delusional' and in fact was sectioned and admitted to hospital for assessment on the 7th October with the hope of finding a level of medication which could control his behaviour. Sadly he caught a cold on the ward which soon developed into a chest infection and pneumonia and he had to be transferred to a medical ward. The infection accelerated his AZ and sadly he passed away on Friday having been unable to eat for over three weeks. Normality seems far off at the moment but I'm sure it will return sometime in the future.



Sent from my iPad using Talking Point

I'm so sorry. My thoughts are with you xx

 

[paddiwak]

This is a kind of a written sob. On the three days John doesn't go to daycare I dread the delusions which will start up in the afternoons.

Religious mania - he can't eat as he must go to Communion at Mass ( rarely went to communion and hasn't been capable of going to mass for over a year).

Work - very important job to be done and needs to get there if he can only locate his car
(Retired twenty years ago)

Brothers - all six are dead but he has to meet one or more at a pub which is usually one that got knocked down forty years ago or more

And so it goes on.

I start to feel incandescent as this nonsense goes on. I walk miles with him. I take him to Places I think will interest him but ultimately I am 72 and want a life that feels normal. On the days he is in care I have begun to have a taste of what that life could be.

I have been dieting successfully for the last couple of months but today I had two large glass of red with my dinner and a handful of chocolate bought for the kids at Halloween. This is how carers go astray! What to do? My husband is a nice person but how much more of this rubbish can anyone take.

Dear Marion, How I know how you feel as I'm going demented at the moment with my husband and don't know how much longer things can go on before something snaps. He goes on and on about his dead parents and the latest is that I have to prove that I'm allowed to live in our house. Our two son's try convincing him that this is the family home but at present it's a place where you have to register to be able to stay and sleep. The only time he seems content is when we are out of the house. This becomes very wearing. All I would like is some occasional peace and quiet but at present he refuses to go to a day centre or into respite care. Like you I would just like some life back but the mental health team say he can't be forced to go to respite care so we are at stalemate.
I know it's no help to you but there are a lot of us out here in the same desperate state as you are with, it seems, no light at the end of the tunnel. xx

 

[Lin Frances]

Delusions

My husband has always denied he has any problems with his memory, but has recently been with me to the doctor, had a memory test,which showed up severe problems, and is now being referred. He has recently been very worried about his mother, father and brother, all of whom died about 30 years ago. He wants to go up to the village where they lived in Sussex, and see if they're all O.K. He obsesses about this constantly at the moment , and is very agitated. I understand it's better not to disagree, but there is paperwork in the house which shows dates of death etc., and he knew previously, but now can't recall - just convinced that they're still there. What do I do? Just agree and continue to let him be agitated, just try to calm him all the time ?

 

[marionq]

It's a constant juggling of distraction and medication. What works one day doesn't another day. Some of the delusions are distressing and some just daft. This morning John was searching for his "tea tin" which I imagine he carried as an apprentice joiner sixty odd years ago!

I can cope well for days or even weeks at a time then comes a day when I can't stand all the foolishness and long for a normal life.

Oh well it could be worse.

Thank you all and condolences and commiserations.

 

[Cat27]

My husband has always denied he has any problems with his memory, but has recently been with me to the doctor, had a memory test,which showed up severe problems, and is now being referred. He has recently been very worried about his mother, father and brother, all of whom died about 30 years ago. He wants to go up to the village where they lived in Sussex, and see if they're all O.K. He obsesses about this constantly at the moment , and is very agitated. I understand it's better not to disagree, but there is paperwork in the house which shows dates of death etc., and he knew previously, but now can't recall - just convinced that they're still there. What do I do? Just agree and continue to let him be agitated, just try to calm him all the time ?

Welcome to TP

As Marion says it's constant juggling as what works changes from day to day. Try we'll go tomorrow or they're on holiday etc etc