Days after Mum's death ......

[Roman223]

Hello everyone I know It's early days but some times I've found I can't do anything!! I'm feeling sad, lonely, empty & that a big part of me has gone. I still don't believe I won't be visiting my mum again. I have been waking up remembering past events that have happened over the last few years. It's like I can't shut down. There have been days when I have tried to push myself to go out but my body has disagreed.

The next few weeks will be the hardest and I am not sure if I will get through both emotionally & physically. I have visions of me collapsing at mum's funeral. I know I have got to keep myself together. When I have managed to go out the world is still the same. Nothing has changed outside. The trees are the same, the people are the same. The only thing that has changed is "Me" & how this has affected me. I'm the one mourning as I've just lost my mum. No one knows you're sad. You just have to carry on regardless. x

 

[canary]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to grieve, in whichever way is best for you.
You will get through it
xx

 

[Firecatcher]

I think the loss of a parent is huge particularly if you were close. It’s really early days at the moment and there are no time limits on grieving and everyone goes though the stages differently. Grief often comes in waves and often at unexpected times. Allow people to help you and don’t be embarrassed to ask for help.

 

[DreamsAreReal]

@Roman223 ? I felt the same way when my mum died. She died on a Friday and I spent the whole weekend crying. I'd always thought I'd feel relieved when she died, as she'd be out of her suffering but I wasn't a bit relieved. Just bereft and stunned. I couldn't believe I'd never see her or hear her voice again. Or give her a cuddle. That surreal feeling of everyone else getting on with their day as usual and you're just going through the motions, but inside you're an emotional mess.

Wishing you strength in the coming days and weeks.?xx

 

[Duggies-girl]

@Roman223 the sense of loss is huge right now and it will take a long long time. Dad has been gone two and a half years now and I still can't get used to the fact that I am not going to go and see him again. It was all I did, visit dad, look after dad and in the end live with dad and that all went the morning he died. Even now I sometimes think 'what shall I do today and where shall I go' so I go to the shops or visit a friend but it's not the same because before I wouldn't have to think about it, I would just go to see dad and now I can't.

Dying is too sudden even when you know it's coming and even if you have prayed for it to happen like I did because dad shouldn't have gone on like he did, but he did and it was shocking to see. I am not being much help here but it is what it is. Dad is gone and I need to just get on with it. It wasn't my fault and it is not your fault.

You will get through the next few weeks and beyond. it won't be easy but you will get through the funeral. You will choose the music, the photos, you will probably meet cousins you haven't seen for a long time and trade memories with them. I made dads funeral all about him and his life (which was very well lived) and this helped me remember the man before dementia which I was grateful for.

Your mum would want you to go on and live a good life so that is what you must do for her sake. It is not easy and as @Firecatcher says grief often comes in waves so try to take it as it comes, be gentle with yourself and remember your mum with love, she was obviously very special but so are you.

 

[karenbow]

Hello everyone I know It's early days but some times I've found I can't do anything!! I'm feeling sad, lonely, empty & that a big part of me has gone. I still don't believe I won't be visiting my mum again. I have been waking up remembering past events that have happened over the last few years. It's like I can't shut down. There have been days when I have tried to push myself to go out but my body has disagreed.

The next few weeks will be the hardest and I am not sure if I will get through both emotionally & physically. I have visions of me collapsing at mum's funeral. I know I have got to keep myself together. When I have managed to go out the world is still the same. Nothing has changed outside. The trees are the same, the people are the same. The only thing that has changed is "Me" & how this has affected me. I'm the one mourning as I've just lost my mum. No one knows you're sad. You just have to carry on regardless. x

hi roman so sorry to hear about your mum, dad died last last year and mum 4 months later from alzheimers- i,m still struggling to accept i wont see them again it all seems unreal , we were very close, i talk to them, talk about them and am starting to remember little things like how dad loved eccles cakes or how mum could juggle- things come back that do make you smile - the horror of mums decline is something that is staying with me , but now and again i find i haven,t thought about it whereas before it never left. like you i see everything the same but i,m not the happy carefree person i used to be- but like i said little changes in my thoughts are happening , i know it will take time to smile genuinely and not feel different - its like floating along- i thought mum and dads funeral would be most difficult but i focused on it made it about them and it made me feel strong because i was doing it for them it will get better roman i promise, keep posting on here it really helps- so many of us experienced the samex

 

[Grannie G]

It`s an emptiness @Roman223 and another shock to the system.

Having had to be on call and physically present, you are now left with an emptiness and grief and don`t know how to handle it.

There is no right or wrong, good or easy way. You can only live with it for as long as you need to and feel the pain. It will get easier but not yet.

 

[Susan11]

It`s an emptiness @Roman223 and another shock to the system.

Having had to be on call and physically present, you are now left with an emptiness and grief and don`t know how to handle it.

There is no right or wrong, good or easy way. You can only live with it for as long as you need to and feel the pain. It will get easier but not yet.

This is such a good reply. Also I think things change. Things which caused pain can cease to do so. My Dad died 4 years ago and my Mum 2. I think of them everyday but now I can sometimes smile at memories that have now become reminders of happy times. I used to ring them at 6pm every night and I still reach out for the phone every evening. I have photos of them and give them a kiss regularly. The clock on my bedside table was Dad's and reminds me of Dad first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Endless little reminders of the parents I loved when Alice and still love now.