Day two in the nursing home

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by carolr, Aug 31, 2007.

  1. carolr

    carolr Registered User

    Jul 12, 2007
    33
    bradford
    Good Morning

    Dad had a very bad night his first night in the home, was violent with the night staff and slept for only 2 hours, during the day he was compliant (I hate that word) drowsy and very confused. When I got to him last night he was standing in the office with his nurse just standing no facial expression doing nothing I walked in and he took my handbag and emptied it finally grabbing my car keys and placing them in my hand god I knew what he wanted and just could not do it I put the keys back in my bag and he just looked at me and slumped his shoulders. Enter the guilt monster big time we went to his room and he sat in his chair and fell asleep waking only for a few minutes during the next hour. Had a long chat with his nurse and read his care plan and reports for the day, they had tried to play dominoes with him and took him for a walk around the grounds they are really trying to brighten his days in the hope that he will sleep at night. Dad cried when I left real tears real distress which I took all the way home with me. I now find that the assessment unit told my sister some time ago that Dad may be having small strokes and that they are treating him as final stage AZ what a shock he was early stage only two months ago. I know that AZ is different for everyone, there are no set rules as to how it will progress but I am not prepared for it to leap like this and I am certainly not ready to loose my Dad. I have met a new monster its called regret regret that I have not spent as much time as I could with him, regret that I didnt ask the right questions so that I could prepare Mum and myself for this, I could go on for ever. I spent a long time last night writing a letter to my sons, I am leaving this letter with a family member to give to them if I ever develope AZ I want them to know that I do not want them to live through this I want them to get on with their lives I must see my Dad every day and it tears me apart to leave him I dont want that for them. Im so sorry to ramble on it reads like self pity but I needed to say it.
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,577
    Kent
    Dear Carol, how I feel for you. It`s heartbreaking

    I had a similar situation with my mother, she wanted to go into the home, but when she had clear periods, she fought against it and tried to get away.

    Your father is probably very confused and frightened, but still has some moments of clarity when he knows what he wants, and still knows you are probably the one to give it him.

    You are not self pitying, you are torn apart by the upset of it all and can see no way out.

    I do hope your father settles eventually, I expect it will take time, and you and your mother, meanwhile, are living through a nightmare.

    I hope he will be a bit happier today.

    Love xx
     
  3. blue sea

    blue sea Registered User

    Aug 24, 2005
    270
    England
    How very very hard for you, Carol. You have done the very best you could for your dad. Try not to feel the guilt - I know we all do but it really is a waste of energy. Take things a day at a time. Your dad is being well cared for and you are supporting him and your mum in every possible way you can. It is the illness that it is to blame for dad's distress, not you.
    Blue sea
     
  4. sunset

    sunset Registered User

    Aug 23, 2007
    5
    Carole

    So sorry to hear that you are in such distress. It seems to me we as caregivers have such A BURDEN OF GUILT. ALL THE UNSPOKEN THINGS WE MEANT TO SAY OR DO SEEM TO CONFRONT US. NEEDLESSLY.............PERHAPS! IF YOU THINK ABOUT YOUR LIFE AND REFLECT ABOUT YOURSELF AND THE CIRCUMSTANCES, I'm sure you conveyed to your love one many expressions of love only known to the both of you. Who really knows us best but our parents. PERHAPS TOMORROW WILL BE A GENTLER DAY FOR YOU. I hope so! sunset
     
  5. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    1,170
    Australia
    Dear Carole,

    {{{HUGS}}}
     
  6. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    1,314
    Dear Carol,
    From my own experience, placement was a very traumatic time. Emotionally exhausting.... When I placed my mum it took nine weeks for her to settle, heartbreaking. Some people settle sooner than later and I hope that your dad settles quickly. Alz progression is very unpredictable and as for regrets they are no more than life's lessons. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but, unfortunately it can't change the past. I can understand your concerns about your own fate, as, I have the same concerns myself. I have expressed my wishes to my hubby if Alz is to be my fate. As, for my own children I wouldn't want them to put their lives on hold, as, I know my mum would never of wanted me too. But, our lives are just that, our lives. And it is for us to choose. I don't think you rambled or came across as 'Self Pity" I think you care deeply for your family and a little panic has set in, and your trying really hard to make it all right. I truly, hope that everything becomes much easier for you. Thinking of you. Taffy.
     

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