Good Morning Dad had a very bad night his first night in the home, was violent with the night staff and slept for only 2 hours, during the day he was compliant (I hate that word) drowsy and very confused. When I got to him last night he was standing in the office with his nurse just standing no facial expression doing nothing I walked in and he took my handbag and emptied it finally grabbing my car keys and placing them in my hand god I knew what he wanted and just could not do it I put the keys back in my bag and he just looked at me and slumped his shoulders. Enter the guilt monster big time we went to his room and he sat in his chair and fell asleep waking only for a few minutes during the next hour. Had a long chat with his nurse and read his care plan and reports for the day, they had tried to play dominoes with him and took him for a walk around the grounds they are really trying to brighten his days in the hope that he will sleep at night. Dad cried when I left real tears real distress which I took all the way home with me. I now find that the assessment unit told my sister some time ago that Dad may be having small strokes and that they are treating him as final stage AZ what a shock he was early stage only two months ago. I know that AZ is different for everyone, there are no set rules as to how it will progress but I am not prepared for it to leap like this and I am certainly not ready to loose my Dad. I have met a new monster its called regret regret that I have not spent as much time as I could with him, regret that I didnt ask the right questions so that I could prepare Mum and myself for this, I could go on for ever. I spent a long time last night writing a letter to my sons, I am leaving this letter with a family member to give to them if I ever develope AZ I want them to know that I do not want them to live through this I want them to get on with their lives I must see my Dad every day and it tears me apart to leave him I dont want that for them. Im so sorry to ramble on it reads like self pity but I needed to say it.