Day Centre.

[AliceA]

We are both considering a day centre. Unlike many he is quite keen.
I know others have thought about it, a friend's husband is quite adamantly against.
I was almost surprised at the keenness.
From his point of view he knows he cannot be left alone in case he chokes, he has dysphagia.
He has a social streak and enjoys going places, especially if there is cake!
Although quiet, people flock to him.

The sessions are mornings, for four and a half hours. This includes lunch.
The activity programme appealed, they have animal visits, penguins the other week!

I think looking into it it, much depends on the location and general feel of it.
I do not think he would like a large village hall, the one we visited was in a care home.
8 to 10 people join the residents each day.
This part of the service is run in the same place but is a separate concern. The main room is used, there are groups of chairs, it is not that smart but quite comfy, a bit worn but not too bad.
I think we are lucky to find it. I am not sure there are many of these about.


The problem is although only one and a half miles away it is in the next county, our county has nothing near to us. This compounded by no transport, local taxis are looking for airport runs not short regular ones. Volunteer drivers are scarce, I am talking to the Council. It would not be needed if we still had a bus!

I would like three mornings, I could seldom leave the village unless I get a lift, but time to do chores, do the ever growing admin organising hospital appointments etc, plus a me morning sounds like heaven.

Could you share your experiences?

 

[nae sporran]

If your OH is keen than you have won the first battle. Have you looked at Driving Miss Daisy for transport They are a national franchise, recommended to me by the Alzheimer's Society / NHS Dementia Wellbeing Service.
My OH goes once a week and it is a small group with about 9 or 10 guests and about 6 or 7 staff, the manager has worked in care homes in the past. A group inside a care home sounds promising, if they have dementia trained staff. Four hours to escape with the ramblers most weeks for the last year and a half have done me the world of good, so that me time is recommended.

 

[AliceA]

Thank you, no I had not heard of this group, I will try and find out.
I loved the film!
Yes, I can imagine how precious your four hours are. Walking in a group is so good.
It allows easy talking on the way.
I have seldom had any time on my own since the diagnosis, I fear I am getting institutionalised!
We have one volunteer driver who has done a few hospital runs for us. My hip pain means I sit in the front, the lively debates we have re. politics, dogs, his family etc. It is a real bonus, how sad is that!
Thanks for your advice.
Sometimes I think we need an island so we could all help each other out.
Thank goodness for all those who post on here.

 

[PalSal]

As may remember, we just started the daycare journey. My husband has never been keen to go, but as he is well advanced in the disease now, I can be manipulative and get him there. The first daycare did not work out for us, I was really disappointed. But now he has gone 4 times to this new one. It is diffcult and uninteresting for him as he cannot make an conversation as everyone speak suisse duetsch. Also he is 15 years younger than the next youngest guy there. But OH is beyond making conversation or friends anyway. This is simply strategic, so I get 8 hours off. They always have a carer who speaks English there, but in group activities, of course they speak the native tongue. But the daycare has arranged for a volunteer to come and take him for a walk for 1.5 hours during each of his visits so, at least he gets some joy. The truth is that he remembers nothing of the day, so I guess it really doesn't matter. They are kind and good at their work very professional. He now has a cheap tracker just in case he gets up and leaves on his own or demands to leave. That so far has not happened at this place.
So, as your hubby has the desire to go, it will most likely be an easy transition. I think the sooner we start these things the better.

 

[AliceA]

If your OH is keen than you have won the first battle. Have you looked at Driving Miss Daisy for transport They are a national franchise, recommended to me by the Alzheimer's Society / NHS Dementia Wellbeing Service.
My OH goes once a week and it is a small group with about 9 or 10 guests and about 6 or 7 staff, the manager has worked in care homes in the past. A group inside a care home sounds promising, if they have dementia trained staff. Four hours to escape with the ramblers most weeks for the last year and a half have done me the world of good, so that me time is recommended.

Looked up Miss Daisy, what a splendid idea. It is not operating in this area but worth knowing about. Thank you

 

[AliceA]

As may remember, we just started the daycare journey. My husband has never been keen to go, but as he is well advanced in the disease now, I can be manipulative and get him there. The first daycare did not work out for us, I was really disappointed. But now he has gone 4 times to this new one. It is diffcult and uninteresting for him as he cannot make an conversation as everyone speak suisse duetsch. Also he is 15 years younger than the next youngest guy there. But OH is beyond making conversation or friends anyway. This is simply strategic, so I get 8 hours off. They always have a carer who speaks English there, but in group activities, of course they speak the native tongue. But the daycare has arranged for a volunteer to come and take him for a walk for 1.5 hours during each of his visits so, at least he gets some joy. The truth is that he remembers nothing of the day, so I guess it really doesn't matter. They are kind and good at their work very professional. He now has a cheap tracker just in case he gets up and leaves on his own or demands to leave. That so far has not happened at this place.
So, as your hubby has the desire to go, it will most likely be an easy transition. I think the sooner we start these things the better.

That is what I felt too, getting him used to other people caring and not just me. The earlier the better.
He has a quiet charm so usually atttracts caring attitudes, I am still working out how to get him there. A daughter has sent other activities but I would have to attend so it would defeat the object of time for myself as well as chores etc.
I have bought a course to do on line, I need to study something.
The walking companion sounds good.
It is good to hear that you are finding time for yourself to do life enchancing things.

 

[Grannie G]

My husband only went to day care twice @AliceA and refused to go again. I was offered Direct Payments so I could bring care into the home and I could go out for a couple of hours.

It worked well for us. My husband lost his social ease and had difficulty in a group especially when he was expected to join group activities.

It might not be suitable for you but I thought I`d mention it.

 

[AliceA]

Yes, at the moment there is enthusiasm, perhaps a little too much.
It does seem a window not to be missed, I am still working hard on transport.
I am waiting for the Council to get back to me. I had a letter confirming the phone call yesterday. The social services person realised that with my age and health the danger was if I do not get some help they may eventually have a problem.
Funds will not last long.
It is such a changing situation too.

 

[Grannie G]

The social services person realised that with my age and health the danger was if I do not get some help they may eventually have a problem.

You may still need to mither a little Alice. The wheels of Social Services grind slowly..............

 

[nae sporran]

Looked up Miss Daisy, what a splendid idea. It is not operating in this area but worth knowing about. Thank you

Sorry that's no good to you, Alice. The other thing C has done is to have a carer come round and take her out for tea and cakes to a garden centre, which turned into tea and cakes at home, but may be worth a look if your OH is more keen to go out.

 

[AliceA]

Another good idea. We have reached a point of having to rethink and rebudget. Most things are over the border which is almost on our doorstep. Hence most of the access problems. Our own county has very little if anything to offer.
It is a shame that Driving Miss Daisy is not in this area. We could get to low cost activities.
I complain about the bus, but to be fair there will be a time when even if bus was reinstated it would be to far to walk to stop.
I companion to go out with is a good idea. Something to think about.

 

[AliceA]

You may still need to mither a little Alice. The wheels of Social Services grind slowly..............

Mither is a lovely word, like innocuous drizzle it is wetter than it seems, I will practice some mithering.
I remember when the children were young I used to go through the motions of having had enough nonsense etc. before I really had. I must dust off an old skill.
I do feel If Carers had the support early enough it would save money all round, many policies are so short sighted.
Enjoy your weekend, Sylvia, it is good to have you on here.

 

[AliceA]

if he wants to go you are 90% of the way there. Well done! It is a bit drastic but 18 months ago we moved from our village into town and I am so glad we did. many more activities within walking distance.

Yes, I am fortunate he is so keen at the moment.
We moved here four years ago, our eldest daughter and her daughter and her family live very nearby.
We had good services including a library, surgery and a good bus service for a village.
Suddenly with three months all were completely axed.
At the same time loose two way family support became pressurised because a seven year great granddaughter has kidney cancer and is on aggressive chemo. She and her family need a lot of help.
Before that we lived in a town with U3A meetings, we had a car as well as buses.
Walking is a bit more limited now he has a Motorola.

Life is strange, it is still a good place to be, it is just this county border that stops access.
One would imagine we are still wearing woad. Do keep in touch, I hope you get the Carers Assessment I seem to remember you asking about.

 

[Herewego]

We are both considering a day centre. Unlike many he is quite keen.
I know others have thought about it, a friend's husband is quite adamantly against.
I was almost surprised at the keenness.
From his point of view he knows he cannot be left alone in case he chokes, he has dysphagia.
He has a social streak and enjoys going places, especially if there is cake!
Although quiet, people flock to him.

The sessions are mornings, for four and a half hours. This includes lunch.
The activity programme appealed, they have animal visits, penguins the other week!

I think looking into it it, much depends on the location and general feel of it.
I do not think he would like a large village hall, the one we visited was in a care home.
8 to 10 people join the residents each day.
This part of the service is run in the same place but is a separate concern. The main room is used, there are groups of chairs, it is not that smart but quite comfy, a bit worn but not too bad.
I think we are lucky to find it. I am not sure there are many of these about.


The problem is although only one and a half miles away it is in the next county, our county has nothing near to us. This compounded by no transport, local taxis are looking for airport runs not short regular ones. Volunteer drivers are scarce, I am talking to the Council. It would not be needed if we still had a bus!

I would like three mornings, I could seldom leave the village unless I get a lift, but time to do chores, do the ever growing admin organising hospital appointments etc, plus a me morning sounds like heaven.

Could you share your experiences?

You are almost there if he wants to go - grab it with both hands!! My husband did not really want to go - I never had trouble getting him into the car in the morning as every morning he thinks he is going somewhere. At first when he realised he was going to the day centre he used to object, saying he had resigned and wasn't going there anymore etc. Now however, he rarely says he isn't going and I think actually likes being there. It has been my sanity over the past few months - pity they don't do weekends, or he would be there then too! I have just locked myself in the family room as he is driving me nuts today.

My husband started by going 2 days a week, we quickly upped it to 3 and now goes 5 that is 9.30 to 3.30. He started in July and we upped it to 5 days in November.

We too live outside the catchment for the bus collection so he gets lifts there and back. I do most days but friends have volunteered and do one day a week and one morning my daughter takes him as she brings her daughter here for me to look after for the day and drops her father off at the day centre on her way back home (she works from home).

My husband is very sociable and both with work and our private life we have done a lot of travelling. He needs people around and walks and talks constantly, moving things around the house, furniture, books, or anything he can find really - drives me to distraction!!! I on the other hand need my space, quiet time and can't stand constant movement - recipe for disaster!

Hence, if you can arrange lifts - do you have access to a community bus? Not sure what to suggest, but contact the day centre they may have suggestions? Or your local age concern?

Good luck

 

[AliceA]

I am glad it is working out for you, I am persevering about the transport. It is early days, the plan is to start after Christmas. It suits the Centre too. There is no community transport, the volunteer drivers are short handed at the moment. One has made a provisional offer a week at a time, I will accept that if I have too. I am still hoping the inhouse can cross the border. It seems common sense.
We too have had a full life, he has always been quite social although quiet. He loved being host.
Like you I need quiet times, like a fish needs water!
Thank you for your support.

 

[Herewego]

I am glad it is working out for you, I am persevering about the transport. It is early days, the plan is to start after Christmas. It suits the Centre too. There is no community transport, the volunteer drivers are short handed at the moment. One has made a provisional offer a week at a time, I will accept that if I have too. I am still hoping the inhouse can cross the border. It seems common sense.
We too have had a full life, he has always been quite social although quiet. He loved being host.
Like you I need quiet times, like a fish needs water!
Thank you for your support.

Yes - do preserver - being of opposite type (one needing space and quiet/ one needing people and social interaction) did not seem much of a problem when you were both able to manage your own time but once that changes.........oh how I crave my own space, it is my sanity but while he is at the day centre I spend all my time trying to catch up on doing all the things I can't do while he is at home as he really does need to be watched all the time. Who knows what he is up to at the moment as I have left him in the other part of the house for at least an hour - never done that before! He can't really get up to anything dangerous, but has been known to leave taps running or the shower on

 

[AliceA]

We are dealing with dysphagia, so for the last three years, I have not been able to leave him unattended.
The rest is a variable progress depending on the day etc.
At first I was waking early to have some quiet me time. Now I need my sleep more.
Yes, I think the constant monitoring is like a dripping tap, very powerful over a period time, but slow to wear us down without realising how much.
I want to do phone calls in private as he now gets anxious. A day centre would be ideal.