1. Mommidizzle

    Mommidizzle Registered User

    Mar 15, 2012
    Hi Folks,

    1st post ........

    Can anyone advise me on how to convince my OH on the benefits of attending a day centre :( ......... we have today been and visited a nice place with lovely staff ........ however my OH is 'appalled and disappointed' in me for EVEN THINKING that he would go to such a place!! ............ i have also in the last couple of weeks set up for a carer to come in once a week and take him out for a coffee .......... this also is not to his liking !!

    I'm guessing that i will just have to wait until he is a bit further down this dementia path to the time he doesn't know whats going on ??

    I work part time and just wanted to put in place somethings to save him from being on his own :( as i worry that he is confused and frightened when im not there. He assures me he isnt and is more than happy to be on his own to wait for me to come back ! :(
  2. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    Hi mommidizzle,
    Not really sure, trouble is those with dementia often think they are fine! Fortunately for me, OH knew that I needed time for various things and was quite amiable to going. Through the years we went through 'don't want to go ' to 'don't want to come home'! Maybe you could have an unbreakable appt somewhere and dad can't come. Or a coffee morning you want to go to and he comes as well (daycare). Then gradually stay longer and longer, or leave him to have lunch and come back later. Gradually get to the full day.
    However, there are those who just won't. I have no idea what you do then!
    Anyway, this will bump the post up and you just might get an answer that works for you. Good luck!
  3. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    Toronto, Canada
    I told my mother she was 'volunteering' as the place needed help and she was quite willing to go along with that.
  4. Rashley

    Rashley Registered User

    Dec 21, 2014
    Hi Mommidizzle. I am in the same situation as yourself with my OH over daycare. Tomorrow he is going to the second CH to try daycare as the first was a disaster and he was very unhappy. I have just left him in the morning and collected him in the afternoon. In each home he is fine to lunch time and then gets very restless and stands by the windows looking for me for up to 2 hours. I always explain I have shopping, dentist etc to attend and am unable to take him. His VD is at the stage when I am unable to leave him alone and he is too demanding to leave with friends or family. It is such hard work and a dreadful way to live. I wish you the best with your OH and hope he will get used to the daycare routine. X
  5. nitram

    nitram Registered User

    Apr 6, 2011
    North Manchester
    What did your OH do for a living?
    Can he do that at the day centre?

    At the centre my wife attended there was a man who did not want to attend, the staff found out that he had started off as a joiner and progressed to owning his own building firm. He was taken to the centre with a tape measure and notepad to measure up for a job.

    The ploy worked, he happily went each day to measure door frames etc and scribble rubbish in the notepad. When he wasn't measuring up he talked to staff and attendees about the good job he had done on various things in the centre.

    Depends on your OH's job and interests but some kind of organising/planning might work as long as the staff cooperate.
  6. chick1962

    chick1962 Registered User

    Apr 3, 2014
    near Folkestone
    My Oh went once but he found it upsetting as he still had capacity and I think it was far too early for him. It was suggested by the Mental Health. Four years on its still too early even though we are at a different stage . May I ask how old your husband is and when he was diagnosed?

    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
  7. patsy56

    patsy56 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    Fife Scotland
    Hi welcome to TP, what I have to say is actually from B's point of view and mothers. Mother didn't want to go, she hated it, it was full of old people (83 she is) and they smell (sorry so do you hun), and they make you do things (exercises fitness). She went about 4 times and then I think it was mutial, she has not been back.

    B has Parkinson's and they have asked if he would like to go to centres. He declined, he's felt he was still fit at home, and it made him sad and feel the full force of his conditions.

    Both are quite happy sitting in their own company. B reads, watches TV ,does puzzles. Mother just sits and watches TV and moans.

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