Day Care

[Dee **]

Hi Everyone

My mum has been on Aricept for the last 3 yrs - but its effect seems to have stopped during the last 3 months, so I feel we are now entering yet another scary stage!!

Due to mum's deteriorating condition (she has taken to receiving "messages" from all and sundry and spends hours in conversation with these unknown callers!!) and to provide some much needed respite for my dad (aged 81) we have now involved Social Services who have suggested Day Care once or twice a week.

My mum is adamant she is not going, and can't understand why it may be needed. (She believes that she still does all the household chores etc when in effect she is unable to complete any task.) The introductory visit is next Wednesday and I will be taking her - how do I coax her to attend?
Do I "fib" about where we are really going ?? Which I feel really bad about - but don't think I will be able to cope with a major scene prior to taking her. Will she get used to going on a weekly basis?

Any help/advice would be appreciated - also has anyone used day care successfully?

 

[Blue_Gremlin]

Hi Dee

We have got my grandmother-in-law into day care just recently and she really likes it. She wasn't too keen at first but luckily there was a lady from the village that she knows going to the same place on the same day.

All she can tell me about it afterwards is how nice the lunch was but I am happy that at least that one small thing is putting a smile on her face and effectively encouraging her to go back every week.

I don't know how they managed to get her there the first time because the social worker took her (my husband and I had to work as she goes on thursdays) so sorry for being no help there.

As with most things you can only take it one day at a time and hope for the best. I have become a great believer in hope just recently!!

I wish the best of luck

Blue_Gremlin

 

[mumof3]

Hi Dee

My MIL has just started to attend a Day Centre. This is not something that she ever would have considered pre-dementia. She is not a sociable mixer. To our huge relief she loves it and gets quite animated talking about it although like Blue_Gremlin's GMIL only the meal seems worthy of mention! She loves the fact it is free too so I play on this saying well you have always paid your NI contributions, it's time to get some of them back now.

THe first time she was anxious so we just kept reassuring her that she had "nothing to lose, it was a day out and there would be lots of people there etc. Some would be nice and chatty others might not be and just to give it a try, you don't need to go again if it's not for you etc" We were amazed and relieved that she seems to enjoy it as one of my MIL's main gripes is that she is lonely, never sees anyone etc (2 minutes after we leave, she would be on the phone saying it to someone!) It keeps her occupied for 2 days and gives her week a bit more structure too which is great.

I think there was a recent thread about using "initiative" to get a reluctant parent to try a day centre. I will do a search to see if I can find it for you.

In the meantime good luck.

 

[mumof3]

Me again Dee

There is this one http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/TalkingPoint/Discuss/showthread.php?t=2444&highlight=centre and also this one http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/TalkingPoint/Discuss/showthread.php?t=3449&highlight=centre
Do a search for day centres and I'm sure there is lots more useful advice for you. Best of luck for next week.

 

[Amy]

Hiya Dee,
If you are both going sounds like a nice day out to me, and you will both meet new people - that's the line I would spin. Maybe you will have to accompany mum till she gets used to it a bit.
Helen

 

[Lulu]

Hello Dee

I told my Mum we had found another social group to attend, where she would get a nice meal. She should try it out, but there was no pressure and she did not have to return if she hated it -as long as she gave it 6 weeks to make me happy! I secretly believed that she wouldn't enjoy it one bit, and fully expected her to refuse to go.

She loves it! I never know what goes on there, but like others, only hear about what she has had to eat there! And this she remembers because it is written down in a little notebook for her!

It has been so obviously the right thing for her, and for me it means that there are two days every week when I know that she is being suitably occupied.

I do hope you find this helpful. It was such a big thing to send her there, and I remember worrying myself sick about it -but how glad I did. I wish you well.

 

[Dee **]

Dear all

Many thanks for all the help and advice. As I expected everyone is different and have different experiences of Day care, some good some bad - I will just have to take Mum and see what happens. I tend to think now that my priority is my dad - and I so want to give him a break from the mental and physical stress of it all.

I'll let you know how it goes next week - thanks again for your advice

 

[mojofilter]

My mother didn't want to attend day care either, we started to tell her hat she was just going on a "day out" and away she went. She's loves it now and would go everyday if they'd let her.