1. Expert Q&A: Living well as a carer - Thurs 29 August, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of the person you care for will often come before your own. You may experience a range of difficult emotions and you may not have the time to do all the things you need to do. Caring can have a big impact on both your mental and physical health, as well as your overall wellbeing.

    Angelo, our Knowledge Officer (Wellbeing) is our expert on this topic. He will be here to answer your questions on Thursday 29 August between 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. Jean1234

    Jean1234 Registered User

    Mar 19, 2015
    Any advice TP friends on how to introduce OH to day care at a care home please? I will obviously be checking it out on my own first but I am not sure how to introduce the idea to him.
  2. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    Maybe you could go along together the first couple of times, and then invent some appointment so you need to go out for "a while" and will be back later?
  3. Midow

    Midow Registered User

    Jun 13, 2017
    Hi Jean. My OH started day centre one day a week just a few weeks ago and I tell him he has an appointment to see the nurse. He grumbles and looks for excuses not to go, says he's not well and why can't they come to see him in the house! I explain that they're too busy to visit everybody. His memory span is now less than two minutes so this is repeated over and over. I don't think he understands the concept of day centre so I remind him how he likes to see the nurses! I'm never entirely sure he will agree to go but as long as I can get him out of bed and dressed, so far so good. He's picked up and brought home, but always wants me to get in the ambulance with him!! I tell him I'm not allowed and I'll come in the car to meet him there, this is one good thing about his short memory:)
  4. Aisling

    Aisling Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    Find out as much as you can about day care and talk to manager about your husband's needs, interests etc. When you know that it may suit, make app to take him. First time I took my OH to day care a staff member met us at the door and welcomed him to the club. I didn't have discussions etc about it with him. It would be counter productive in our case.

    Aisling xxx
  5. Mannie

    Mannie Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    Bracknell area
    I called it the lunch club and say it is a good deal for a cooked lunch and saves me time cooking.

    I call the carers "assistants" or waitresses or organisers.

    Maybe you can have a quiet chat with the manager and tell them he can be a bit reluctant, can she spot any reason ie he cannot remember where the toilet is, he is worried about chatting to other people in case he forgets their name etc etc, they may be able to help introduce him into it. Maybe u can write a "this is me " page so they know his interests. And faciliate him to make friends. What is he/was he good at, help him to "shine" e.g. Let him take his photos of.....etc to talk about.

    You could elaborate reasons why it would help you, such as you have a doctors appointment, hairdresser which is busy and noisy etc etc

    Just some ideas .

    Try not to feel guilty because, if you get a break you will be in better shape to look after him when he is with you.
  6. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    hello Jean1234
    I went with dad first just to have a coffee - I didn't explain anything, just treated it as one of our usual jaunts out - the second time I took him, saying he could have lunch out today, and the staff welcomed him like an old friend and ushered him in; I hung around out of sight for a while then as he was OK, I left him - when I went to collect him the staff said he'd been fine and enjoyed his lunch (dad is a good eater) - so I used that each time as a 'carrot' telling him he enjoyed going as they gave him a good lunch - the centre also had transport available so I booked him in and he was picked up from home - he ended up looking out for the minibus, so despite some mutterings at times about 'that place', he was generally happy to go and never point blank refused

    I did make a point of never engaging with anything negative he said about the centre (usually to cover he'd had an accident) - I'd just um and ah and mention the good lunch and the lovely people so I didn't build any resistance

    best wishes

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