Day care in residential care home

[betsie]

After a very bad few days (mum phoning at 1am in a right state looking for missing children said she had been up and down the road looking for them. Next day convinced house not hers then taking too much lactulose and having a no.2 accident when we went out with the dog) we decided we needed to consider full time care.
The home I like is on lock down this week due to sick bug and has no spare rooms but said mum can do days (as many as we like). I am hoping this will get her used to the staff and residents and help when she does go in full time. Has anyone else experience of this and if it helps?

Was relieved when they said they had no rooms as mum was fine today, up and dressed and doing the ironing when I got there. She is so up and down but I don't want her to do something silly in the night and put herself in danger but don't want to put her into a care home when she is quite good still some days.

 

[Grable]

Are you, perhaps, at the stage when a carer is needed rather than a care home? At Mum's assessment, too, I was told that it's possible to get something to put on her door so that, if she opens it between certain hours, a voice will tell her to go back to bed - or it will phone somebody. Unfortunately, I don't have the details of such a gadget, but maybe somebody else on the forum will?

 

[fizzie]

I think going the day care route is a great idea and might be exactly what you all need. I found that mum going to a lunch club really allowed me to function and that is mostly how I managed to keep her at home for 4 years. It was still really hard work but the 'day care' was my (and hers) life saver. My advice would be go for it and see how it works out xx

 

[betsie]

She does have a carer every day and twice at weekends and I go in twice a day and my sisters visit too every week so her days from 8.30 am to 6pm are pretty full with only small time gaps. She also currently goes to a club on a Thursday.
Mum is fine when people are around but her bad times have increased since December. We have had her asking strangers into the house, being out in the street showing people her money and crying in the local shop because she thought I had been hurt.
I do not want her to go into a care home yet but I also don't want anything awful to happen to her when she is at home on her own and I can not stay with her at night as I have children who need me at home.

I wondered if going to the carehome for one or two days in the week would help her when she does need to go in full time. She would know the staff and other residents. The only problem will be if she goes in the day and doesn't like it.

 

[fizzie]

It sounds as though she really needs something more full time. I'd definitely try and see if you both like it. It is a very good opportunity to get to know the carers, look around see what the staffing is like and see if your mum is happy. If she isn't you wouldn't want her in that one anyway lol so it's worth a try and you might be pleasantly surprised x

 

[betsie]

Just had a call from mums neighbour at 11pm she was out in the street very confused. At the minute she only seems to go to the end of her drive and look up and down the road but I'm sure the next thing will be her wandering off.

 

[Amy in the US]

Betsie, I hope you are able to get something in place to keep your mum safe and give you peace of mind. It is difficult.

A care home is an option. Increasing her care package may be an option. In the meantime, have you considered private carers so she has 24 hour supervision, or perhaps a respite stay at a local care home, to give you a little breathing room to figure out what happens next?

Another option might be for you or one of your sisters to stay with her 24/7 for a week or so, to get a clearer picture of how she is coping.

If she is leaving the house late at night, allowing strangers in, and so forth, she sounds vulnerable and I am sure you worry.

My mother ended up in hospital (the US version of being sectioned, more or less) after being found early one morning in the cold, no coat, injured, wandering, hallucinating, and very disoriented. We were just lucky that she was found by a good Samaritan and that she didn't wander onto a major road or into the woods. This was what prompted her move to a care home as she was assessed and found to not be safe living alone. In retrospect, she was clearly not safe and not coping at home, but she covered very well and could seem very clear and lucid in most of her interactions, but the true situation was very grim.

Sorry for the digression. Anyway, I know this is very stressful and upsetting and hope you can get some help. Best wishes.