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Day 10 of no food or fluids ..

Confused12

Registered User
Aug 9, 2012
42
Mum (72) has been in bed since December, taking in little food or fluids,10 days ago she stopped swallowing and its mouthcare only. She constantly sleeps day and night, she has had mottled skin for two days. I am exhausted as I have been here everyday and I genuinly can't see any ending in sight even though it will come. I love my mother with all my heart but the carers and myself are bewildered at how she continues to carry on x
 

love.dad.but..

Registered User
Jan 16, 2014
4,509
Kent
I know from recent experience with Dad...just when you think the end is very near, breathing change, coldness and stiffness in limbs...things settle again. Many times in the last couple of days I thought this is it but then his knees warmed up!The mixed emotions we have at this time of not wanting our loved one to go but wishing they were at peace from the terrible illness. Dad went 6 days without fluids and like you myself and everyone at his Nursing home wondered how on earth he was keeping going. I was told however a previous resident lasted 20 days after no fluids which seems remarkable.
 

Confused12

Registered User
Aug 9, 2012
42
Dear Shedrech and Love Dad But thanks for replying, im just feeling lost and totally unable to make a decision when normally I sonthave an issue. She had mottling that faded, then it's back, two days now, she's been freezing now warmish, she is permantly asleep. The nurses watch her breathing etc on a regular basis, it's just a permant deep sleep only interupted by mouthcare and turning. I am astounded by her strength and determination but I'm conflicted because she hasn't had anything for 10 days and surely she should be at peace, as an only child I am doing my best for her, spending long periods of time with her but I feel constantly jet lagged ie dog tired. It's the old please stop fighting but please don't leave me x
 

Babymare01

Registered User
Apr 22, 2015
309
Hello there. I have no words of advice but just wanted to say you are not just"doing your best"! You are being a loving caring child to your mum. Please look after yourself

Hugs xx
 

cragmaid

Registered User
Oct 18, 2010
7,941
North East England
I can give you advice, I can tell you that the time will come, but ultimately I cannot stop it hurting. So I send you love and comfort. Your Mum is cared for with kindness and this is what you need to do for yourself too. Give Mum permission to leave with your love and blessing and give yourself permission to grieve your loss. You are doing the hardest job a daughter can do for her mother.... and you are doing it well.x.x.
 

kaytee23

Registered User
Sep 23, 2013
6
Hello, I totally understand how you feel. My 86 year old mother has been in hospital for the past month with a chest infection and has hardly been eating or drinking for months now and now only weighs 5 stone. The doctor has put her on end of life care from today and she's semi-concious and not taking in any fluids or eating at all and hasn't done for days. Her skin is completely mottled and today she was wrapped in a bear hugger as her temperature was so low and her Vo2 level is very low yet she is still fighting on and throwing the bedclothes off her! It's so unfair she has to suffer like this. I've been at the hospital for hours every day and it's just so emotional. Keep being strong. Their peace will come soon.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,135
Yorkshire
hello kaytee23
welcome to TP
sorry to read of your mother's condition - I hope it's of some comfort to the both of you that you can be with her
it's kind of you to offer support to Confused12 when so much is going on for you and yours - I hope coming to TP can help and support you also
I wish you and your mother peace
 

Sharonk43

Registered User
May 24, 2015
29
I know just how you feel

My dad passed away two weeks ago but before that he had stopped eating and drinking and hadn't taken anything for 14days. Just comfort your mum and makesure she knows she can let go. We actually found that after spending day and night with dad he waited until my brothers had left and an hour later he slipped away. Some people don't like to go with family around them but a carer or someone not so close x x
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,667
South coast
(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))) to all in this situation waiting during the last long vigil.

My mum passed away yesterday, we had been told 2 days before that the end was imminent - no-one, not the doctor, the carers (all very experienced) nor the district nurses could believe that she was still with us. Yes, there was the skin mottling, the cheyne stokes breathing and the limbs were icy cold and white. I am told that this is what happens, but there is this terrible feeling of "dear God - how much longer?" Believe me, the end will come. Make sure you have said everything that needs to be said, let her know how much she is loved and that she doesnt need to "hang on". My mum waited until I had just gone out of the room and the carers said that they had seen this many times before.
 

Confused12

Registered User
Aug 9, 2012
42
Hi everyone, Thankyou so much for all your messages, sending love back in your directions. I think it's the feelig of being an adult but being totally lost and incapable of making simple decisions !!

Now on Day 13, mottling has now been present for four to five days, she still sleeps peacefully so I am thankful of that. Carers at the nursing him are saying goodbye then coming back three or four days later to work and are astounded that she is still here.

Thankyou all for the words and advice, ive said she can go, I'll be ok etc and I love you hundreds of times a day. I see her face changing and know it can't be long, can it?!? , V x
 

Timeout

Registered User
Feb 10, 2012
204
Please accept my condolences on your losses SharonK43 and Canary. Confused12, my thoughts are with you - hope your loved one remains peaceful and gently slips away when the time is right for her xx.
 

Soobee

Registered User
Aug 22, 2009
2,734
South
Just popping to say that I'm sitting with you in spirit and I remember how difficult this is. xx
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,590
Ireland
This time in the "twilight zone" with a loved one can be very hard, just watching and waiting. Knowing that the end will come, and wanting it to for their sake, and yet, deep inside us, we don't want them to leave us. Thinking of you. xx
 

kaytee23

Registered User
Sep 23, 2013
6
Thank you for the welcome shedrech. TP has been the most invaluable source of comfort and support over the last few years. I'd never posted before Wednesday, but I'd always found a thread or comment that had helped me or given me strength at a time when I really needed answers or affirmation. This forum really is invaluable.

Confused12 I really felt your pain. At a time when I was going through exactly the same emotions. But as many have said here, the end of your mum's suffering and your torment will come eventually, when she is really ready to leave

My darling mum finally gave up her fight at 7am this morning in after a month in hospital. I felt the same way as you... Wondering how on earth she's surviving when she's 86, 5 ½ stone and hasn't eaten or drunk properly since November!! She was admitted into hospital with a chest infection and severe dehydration (as she was sleeping much she was hardly awake to drink or eat) and she'd hardly eaten or drunk anything while in hospital and was placed in palliative 'dying patient' care, as they now call it, on Wednesday. She'd been sleeping almost constantly for the last week. We saw her last night and she still could give me a bit of a smile and grabbed mine and my dad's hand when we told her what an amazing mother and wife she'd been. She even had tears falling and her dementia was very advanced so I'm still amazed she still knew who we were. I'm heartbroken she's finally gone yet so relieved at the same time..A feeling I imagine many, many other families and loved ones of deceased dementia sufferers also feel.

Confused12, from what you've said, you're mum is very, very close to the end and you've told her how much you love her and that's the most important. Hang in there. Your release will come very soon xx
 

kaytee23

Registered User
Sep 23, 2013
6
P.S. Although she had mottling of skin, she was very warm right up until the end and even when we went to see her after she had died, her fingers were still warm so I guess there are indicators of imminent death but everyone is different...
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,135
Yorkshire
sad news kaytee23
a poignant last visit for you all; a memory to cherish for you and your dad

I am glad TP has been such a support to you
and that you have been able to join this thread to support Confused12

thinking of you both tonight
 

Confused12

Registered User
Aug 9, 2012
42
Hi Everyone, sorry for the delay in replying have been so exhausted. She's now on Day 14, mottling has faded. He breathing has changed several times, I just don't know who she is doing it. Hopefully her peace will come soon x
 

Confused12

Registered User
Aug 9, 2012
42
Thankyou so much for being such great support to me. Kaytee I am so sorry for your loss, sending love xx