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David's struggle is nearly over


Registered User
Following repeated chest infections this year, David's swallow has deteriorated and food/fluids have been going into lungs causing more infection which resulted in him being taken from care home into hospital a week ago yesterday. They would not give intensive treatment due to quality of life again after so was put on end of life care. On Tuesday last week I asked for him to be taken back to his own room at the care home where they were anxious to give him the best care they could. Well they have looked after him so well (and me giving me all my meals and giving me the empty room next door to David to sleep so that I am on hand ant time night or day) but this morning his breathing is very weak and a pause between each breath and his hands are very cold. He has not been able to speak to me for over two days but after 53 years of marriage it is so hard to see him lingering I just keep telling him how much I love him and to let himself go listening to his favourite music, but I am sure he wants to stay......it is heartbreaking what a viscous disease.


Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
I'm so sorry tonread your post. It must be incredibly hard to watch David suffer in this way. Wishing him peace and wishing you strength. Take care. x


Registered User
Aug 30, 2012
Brixham Devon
Heartbreaking Lilian, just heartbreaking. I'm so sorry. You are doing all the right things for your dear Husband in giving him 'permission' to leave you. Why do some people hold on to life for so long? I've no idea. My OH fought every step of the way, others slip gently away. Whatever way it's hard to watch.

I'm glad the CH is looking after you both so well-it does help. Thinking of you at this terribly sad time.


Lyn T XX

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
This is where I was 16 months ago Lilian and your post brought it all back.

I hope Dave is painfree and comfortable. It`s as much as you can ask for.


Registered User
I knew this was the right place for support this morning, thank you for your kind replies. David is totally pain free and so relaxed it doesn't seem possible anything is wrong with him, the dementia is forgotten as he cannot communicate and just looks as though he is in a deep sleep.


Registered User
May 23, 2014
Thinking of you Lililan - such a sad, traumatic time - I did it for six days in January so feel I know something of what you are going through. Hopefully all will be peaceful for you and Dave. Loving thoughts WIFE


Registered User
Sep 20, 2011
Dear Lilian

Oh how it brought back my memories from 6 weeks ago. I am glad that Dave is peaceful with no struggles; I found this made things easier for me too.

I am thinking of you and wishing you strength. Jan x


Registered User
Oct 13, 2014
Thinking of you Lilian, my Mum is almost at the same stage and I feel so heartbroken for Dad visiting every day. They've been married for 54 years so I know what you are going through. Take care and stay strong for what lies ahead x

Sent from my iPad using Talking Point


Registered User
Oct 14, 2014
So sorry to hear your sad news. I wish you both peace, comfort and strength, in your remaining time together. Bless you both.