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Dare I begin to hope for a double Yay! ?

CollegeGirl

Registered User
Jan 19, 2011
9,525
0
North East England
Second of the weekly overnight respite, and again all seems to be well!

Mam went in okay yesterday morning, ate a full lunch and tea, was smiling, chatty and pleasant, apparently; today had a full cooked breakfast (never before known!) and also ate all her lunch, and was again settled with nice behaviour.

Dad is over the moon and naturally I'm delighted. He's picking her up again today after tea, at about 6 o'clock, so fingers crossed that all is well when he goes.

Oh the relief!
 

1954

Registered User
Jan 3, 2013
3,835
0
Sidcup
How wonderful for you and your Dad! Sometimes I think we feel guilty about certain actions (Day Care or Respite) but the person receiving it is happy with the arrangement. Very pleased for you all x
 

turbo

Registered User
Aug 1, 2007
3,852
0
Hello College Girl, It's starting to sound as if this is the perfect solution to respite for your dad and care for your mum.
No wonder you are relieved.


turbo
 

Anongirl

Registered User
Aug 8, 2012
2,668
0
Really good to hear! Maybe because its becoming part of her routine now? Whatever the reason its a huge relief.

My mum went to the Alz group meeting by herself today. She really got herself in a terrible state. I'm beginning to think the stress of her going out alone is just getting too much for her now. The anxiety of where she is going and why and how she is getting there and whether she has her keys, etc, etc, is horrendous. She was all for it the other day but today she went into melt down. In turn I feel guilty for arranging things and trying to keep her active. Perhaps I should just leave her alone.

I haven't spoke to her yet about whether she actually enjoyed it. I have that 'pleasure' in about half an hour!

I really hope things have started settling down for you and your dad though. Baby steps eh?! xxx
 

CollegeGirl

Registered User
Jan 19, 2011
9,525
0
North East England
Thank you everyone. No doubt dad will ring me later with an update on how she was when he collected her. I'm holding my breath and crossing my fingers that it goes as well as it did last week.

Aw, AG - that will be about now, then? I don't know what to suggest. Is there any way you can reduce your mum's anxiety, say by arranging a door-to-door lift or taxi to and from the centre? Attaching her keys to her bag/pocket so that she knows she won't lose them? Or would none of this make any difference to her anxiety levels? Having suffered from extreme anxiety myself, I know how difficult it is to address.

Do let me/us know how she is when you speak to her.

Big hugs xx
 

Anongirl

Registered User
Aug 8, 2012
2,668
0
Well after a nightmare day of worrying about her while she panics and nearly gives herself, in her own words, a heart attack. She had a great time! Totally different person on the phone now. All happy and upbeat. She said even the taxi driver was nice. I can now breathe :eek:

I do everything I can think if to stop her anxiety. I got an account with the taxi firm so she doesn't have to worry about paying him. Explained the reason why he had to drop her at the door. Told them exactly where to take her/pick her up. Her keys are on a lanyard around her neck (though she hates that!). Her anxiety is unstoppable. Unfortunately it's making mine just as bad!

I asked if she wants to go again in a couple of weeks. "I'm not sure..." Came the reply!

It's a little yay from me though :D

Hope all was well when your dad picked your mum up. Everything's crossed xxx
 

CollegeGirl

Registered User
Jan 19, 2011
9,525
0
North East England
Haven't heard yet, AG, will post when I do.

Little yay! for you. And a :rolleyes: for the answer given to your question about going again!

Sooooooo frustrating!!!!

Glad she had a good time, you will have to keep reminding her how good it was.

xx
 

JoMcFlurry

Registered User
Aug 8, 2013
38
0
Yorkshire UK
Hi College girl

What respite arrangements have you managed to get? Is your mum going into respite over night or each day? I am just interested for my mum and dad.

Glad the arrangements are working well for your parents :)
X
 

CollegeGirl

Registered User
Jan 19, 2011
9,525
0
North East England
Hi all, still not heard from dad - good or bad? No news is good news?


Hi College girl

What respite arrangements have you managed to get? Is your mum going into respite over night or each day? I am just interested for my mum and dad.

Glad the arrangements are working well for your parents :)
X

Hi Jo, after trying several different periods of respite with very mixed effects on both mam and dad, he has managed to get one night's respite for mam every single week.

So, he takes her to the nursing home on a Monday morning, and picks her up after tea the next day, Tuesday. Mam needs an EMI nursing home in order to deal with her challenging behaviour. And dad needs a short but regular period of respite because he does not cope well emotionally when she's away from him for more than a couple of days. (I'm not sure if this has influenced social services' decision to grant this pattern of respite, especially after the other attempts didn't work out so well.)

Hope this helps you in some way x
 

CollegeGirl

Registered User
Jan 19, 2011
9,525
0
North East England
Definitely a double Yay!

Mam was smashing when dad picked her up after tea yesterday! On top of breakfast and lunch, she'd also eaten all of her tea. And - get this - a musician visited the home yesterday, and mam was up singing and dancing!

Oh the relief ... Please let this be the answer, at least for now.

xx
 

FifiMo

Registered User
Feb 10, 2010
4,705
0
Wiltshire
I am so glad that things are working so well CG. It might be an unusual set up. The two days a week approach seem like what was needed. It will help others on here to know that this is something that is able to be arranged as I am sure it would suit others too.

Fiona
 

CollegeGirl

Registered User
Jan 19, 2011
9,525
0
North East England
Thanks Fiona. It's a bit puzzling to us, because when we were first offered respite we were told that there must be 28 days between each respite period. Then we were told that we were allowed one week in every six weeks, and it didn't matter how that was broken up within the six weeks.

I'm wondering if the general rule is the former but in cases where that just doesn't work then they are prepared to try alternatives.

I must say, our social worker is definitely very supportive of dad's wish to keep mam at home as long as possible, and although everything seems to take an age to sort out, she does her utmost to do things that support them both. She has even said that if this doesn't work out, they will have to get their heads together to think of something else to try.

For the moment, everything is looking good.
 

TaraP

Registered User
Jun 4, 2013
27
0
First repite coming up next week.

We are Isle of Wight based, and my mum is the main carer for Dad with Vas. Dem. (both 82). The assessor from the CH is coming tomorrow (the first respite week is booked in starting next Monday). We have been told we get a 56 days per year of respite. This can be taken as we please, but they recommend dad goes in for a week every 6 weeks or so. I think we will try a few days to start (even though we have to pay for the week). I think the reason SS suggest every 6 weeks, is that they have respite beds that are booked out weekly, and can diary paitents in advance?

Great reading all the comments re. the assessment - very similar to what we have had with Dad when people come to chat to us. Poor chap - he looks perfectly well. Such a pants disease....

Will keep you informed with assessment & our 'first week'.....not hopeful for a good outcome, but reading your posts makes me think anything is possible.

Thanks to all the people I don't know out there, who join in with the forums and help us all.