I've been wondering why I am coping so much better in recent months with Dad's disease and put it down to either denial, numbness or the fact that now that I see him every day its not as shocking. Today I had another thought, I think I might be feeling less distraught because...well you know how you feel like the most horrible thing about this disease is that its like your loved one doesn't just die once after a long drawn out disease but has died many many times over until it gets to the point that you feel like your heart can't take anymore?.....I feel like Dad has stopped dying so often and now its more like he's just slowly getting sicker. Again that could be because I am seeing him every day so just like you don't notice someone close to you getting thinner as much as you do if you haven't seen them for 6 months and the next time you see them they are 10kg lighter, I'm not seeing the gradual changes. But I think too that at the moment there ain't much left behaviour/personality wise that can go, its all tending to be far more physical. There is still the personality bit though as he is drifting further and further away from me and trying to communicate less and less...but its nowhere near as traumatic for me now as it was before. The other day I was discussing this with someone else and asking why dementia is so devestating and to explain it I said its like you haved your love one and then they die....then you grow to love the new person thats in the same body, and then they die, and this happens again and again. At the moment I feel like Dad is dying, but in the past he had died several times in the same time space. He's still dying but just the one Dad is dying for the past few months, instead of me having to have dealt with Dad after Dad dying...does this make any sense? Also i think now I am finally giving up on the hope that somehow we'll find a way to keep him here in our world, this is sad, but not as desperately painful as trying to hold onto each of the Dad's as they slipped away from me. Depressing post eh? Sorry, but it does help to get the thoughts out of my head and express them in words.