1. AJay

    AJay Registered User

    Aug 21, 2007
    123
    Leics
    Hi all yet again.

    I seem to have no end of time to spend on TP these days now that Dad is in the care home for the time being. Talk about being at a loose end, I feel totally lost!

    When Dad was in hospital recently and was diagnosed with reasonably advanced AD, one of the things the consultant told me was that he'd lose his ability to talk. I'm now in panic mode and spend all the time I visit Dad watching and listening for any of the things I've been told will affect him. I've noticed on my last few visits that he's started to slur his speech a little and of course have started to worry that this could be the start of his system shut down I've been warned about. Maybe he's simply tired, but I've not picked this up before when he's been exhausted.

    What have other people experienced? I've a million and one questions to ask on a million and one things but will take this a step at a time.

    AJay xx
     
  2. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Dear Ajay, please don't take this the wrong way, tis meant kindly.

    Why waste time watching and wondering if/when your dear dad may lose his speech.
    It may or may not happen, but what can you do about it anyway........nothing.

    Enjoy the time you have now, whilst you can still communicate with each other.
     
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,850
    Kent
    Hello AJay,
    I`m not sure how long your father has had AD and we know everyone is different.
    My husband was diagnosed in 2005 and I have been expecting him to either lose his language skills,
    or revert to his native language which could be either Hindi or Bengali.
    So far he is as fluent as ever and has done neither.
    When he has a `lapse`, his speech does slur a bit.
    I`m just trying to take it as it comes. I hope your father holds on to his language for a good while yet.
    Love xx
     
  4. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    7,788
    East Midlands
    #4 gigi, Feb 26, 2008
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2008
    Hello Ajay,

    I agree with Connie and Sylvia..this may happen..but no-one can predict..

    You've picked out one thing the consultant said and are focussing on that..

    If your dad has "reasonably advanced AD"..then best advice is to take it as you find it..enjoy his company..ensure he is cared for..and try not to worry about the future..

    Make the most of each moment together now..it's unlikely his speech will disappear overnight..sometimes the changes are so gradual you don't realise until you look back..

    And don't feel lost..that's why TP is here...:)

    Love Gigi x
     
  5. AJay

    AJay Registered User

    Aug 21, 2007
    123
    Leics
    Hi Connie

    Absolutely no offence taken. I've got so used to watching Dad for changes and having to deal with them alone that to me this is one more thing to watch out for. I'm not used to Dad being in the care of other people and can't get out of the habit I think!

    You're right, I must enjoy the time we've got left without worrying about the inevitable, and our once volatile relationship is vastly improved now I can spend quality time with him while he's in the care home. The little things like him waiting at the door of his room for me, seeing his face light up when I turn up with apple doughnuts, hot cross buns and chocolate eclairs and laughing at his chocolate covered smile are so worth it.

    Talking about food I suppose I'd better think about going to feed my long suffering partner and the cats.

    AJay xx
     
  6. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    7,788
    East Midlands
    Hello Ajay,

    I'm in Grannie G's slimming club so she mustn't know about this...;)

    All of the above are welcome here too...anytime....:D


    Love Gigi x
     
  7. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Dear Ajay, you have got the right idea.

    You make your visits to your dear dad sound so inviting, I shall have to get you to visit me too:):)

    Understand what you mean about:
    So hard, but do please try to enjoy the time you have. Worry about what you can change, and try to make the best of what's left.

    Take care now.
     
  8. AJay

    AJay Registered User

    Aug 21, 2007
    123
    Leics
    Hi Gigi

    Slimming club? I so need one. I blame Dad for my recent weight gain, because all these treats seem to come packed in two's he insists that I eat the one that's left! We also have a little game where I pinch some of his sweeties and he pretends to be appalled so of course more forbidden food.

    Oh oh, the partner has just got back and still no meal on the go!

    AJay xxx
     
  9. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    7,788
    East Midlands
    Hello Ajay,

    Don't we all!!!:D

    See thread in tea room..slimming club..weigh in on Sundays..see you there...(no mention of cakes)....;)

    Love Gigi xx
     
  10. elaineo2

    elaineo2 Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    945
    leigh lancashire
    Hi Ajay,am sut sat sitting here crying.i know like others how you are feeling,although my dad was early stage of A/Z,it seemed a rapid decline,his cognitive skills were up and down really,one day he knew what he wanted,the next day no idea of who,what where? the only advice i can give is to let the disease take its toll,BUT,keep life as normal as can be,after all this is their world.
    love elaine
     
  11. AJay

    AJay Registered User

    Aug 21, 2007
    123
    Leics
    Thank you all so much for your words, I'm going to stop worrying and start enjoying.

    Does this slimming club mean that I have to have a public weigh in though????? Erk.

    AJay xxx
     
  12. DeborahBlythe

    DeborahBlythe Registered User

    Dec 1, 2006
    9,222
    Hello Ajay, re the Slimming Club, you can be as public as you want to be, or not if you don't. It's more about how much you lose each week, if possible, and there's no need to state your weight, if you don't want to, just record what you lost each week, or if you stayed the same, as many do, or, if you're brave enough, what you gained.:)

    Re the speech thing, my mum has lost so much in the way of coherent speech. From being an extremely coherent English teacher, she now just CAN'T find the words some times, but that doesn't stop her expressing herself. She just uses other words, some of which make sense and some which sometimes don't.:) She speaks rubbish with more dignity than you could possibly imagine. Mostly I pretend I know what she is saying and converse as normally as I can so that she doesn't worry too much. Or I joke a bit when the words are too funny to gloss over. Then sometimes she will hit exactly the right words at the right moment, and I glow with pride for her. It's all a bit hit and miss but nowhere near as frightening as you might imagine.
    Best wishes Deborah
     
  13. Cloudwatcher

    Cloudwatcher Registered User

    Nov 2, 2007
    33
    West Sussex
    Speech and Language

    Hello Ajay,

    So glad that you are going to "stop worrying and start enjoying". This thread is a good example of how much TP can help us all.

    My Mum's speech is still pretty good but her language is not so. If she can't find the right word for something she replaces it with something else. For example when we were out on a drive, we passed a field of cows and she exclaimed "Oh look at all the piggies!"

    I worry alot about her losing her speech as most of my contact with her is by phone, not easy at the best of times! But like you I will take the advice on here and enjoy the phone calls we still have.

    Lee x
     
  14. Carolynlott

    Carolynlott Registered User

    Jan 1, 2007
    232
    Newcastle upon Tyne
    My Mum is losing her speech - aphasia I think it's called. In fact this was her first noticeable symptom, although there were probably others but I was too worried about my Dad's more advanced AD to notice and also I put her speech problems down to the stress of coping with my Dad. At first it was just the odd noun - usually the subject of the sentence. It's still like that but getting worse rapidly. All her sentences usually have a "what-do-you-call-it" in - we laugh and I call her Mrs What-do-you-call-it.
    I never know whether it is best to try to find the word for her or leave her to struggle to find it - she does get very frustrated and occasionally angry when her twin sister and I can't guess what it is she means. When she is very stressed she can barely get any words out. My Dad, on the other hand, doesn't have this problem at all really - I guess it's the different parts of the brain that are affected.
     
  15. Cloudwatcher

    Cloudwatcher Registered User

    Nov 2, 2007
    33
    West Sussex
    Hello Carolynlott,

    I understand what you are saying. My Mum doesn't always replace words and often struggles to find the correct ones. Sometimes we can get the drift of the conversation and guess, other times we have no idea. She does get frustrated and angry with herself.

    I often find the best solution is to change the subject altogether. If she can't remember names I often say "I know who you mean but I can't remember their name either" (Even though I have no idea who she is referring to)

    For me it has been one of the hardest things in this journey, as I can no longer have a "real" conversation with my Mum. :-(
     
  16. sue38

    sue38 Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    10,854
    Wigan, Lancs
    Loss of the odd noun was one of the first symptoms my Dad displayed, although we never realised this was the start of something more serious.

    We got into the habit of playing 'Blankety Blank' without even realising it. It was only when strangers fell about laughing at our Morecambe and Wise double act that we realised what we were doing.

    Whereas we used to try and guess what he was saying (with varying results) e.g.
    "He lives up there.."
    "The Lake District?"
    "Yes"
    Back of the net...lap of honour round the living room...

    Now things are not so easy. Sometimes I know what he is saying, mainly because he has told me so many times before; sometimes I agree and laugh along although I haven't the first idea...

    Then sometimes we have new and sensible conversations and I now know to treasure these times. :)
     
  17. Cloudwatcher

    Cloudwatcher Registered User

    Nov 2, 2007
    33
    West Sussex
    Dear Sue,

    Funny post Sue, made me laugh. I agree, when you get it right, it is sheer elation and the conversation can continue with a big grin on my face!

    Mum's vocabulary was also one of the first things that made us aware of a problem. As long as Mum continues to talk then I am happy to talk jibberish with her!

    Lee x
     
  18. Carolynlott

    Carolynlott Registered User

    Jan 1, 2007
    232
    Newcastle upon Tyne
    Thanks for that advice - I really must be more sympathetic. Because Mum is still coping on her own it is easy to become frustrated with her not finding words. Having a conversation with her is like walking through a maze with brick walls suddenly blocking your path at every turn. It doesn't help that she is quite deaf - half way through a telephone conversation she suddently remembers she has the phone to the "wrong" ear!. It is quite easy to make her laugh though and I really must concentrate on that. I must remind myself that these are the good times compared with what is to come - for her and for me. The sad thing is that she has begun to say that she is stupid and she will try very hard to stop being silly. Heart-breaking.
     
  19. AJay

    AJay Registered User

    Aug 21, 2007
    123
    Leics
    Crikey, this has made me realise that me and Dad were doing this for ages up until recently! I seemed to have a 6th sense about what he was trying to say and just finished it off with barely a break. People did fall about laughing.

    Just come back from visiting him, he's not so good today but I've been eyeing up a wheelchair in the home and am very tempted to bundle him up in it and take him for a run round the town centre tomorrow and into some shops, that'll make him laugh.

    AJay xxx
     
  20. Carolynlott

    Carolynlott Registered User

    Jan 1, 2007
    232
    Newcastle upon Tyne
    There is a "Two Ronnies" sketch from years ago where one Ronnie fills in all the words for the other. My Mum remembers that and we laugh and I call her Ronnie. She always howls when she mentions four of ..... something and I say "Four candles?". That was a great sketch too. I spoke to her tonight and have decided it is much better to find the words for her and make her laugh. Even if I am wrong she laughs, and it stops her feeling bad.
     

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