Hi,
As some of you will be aware along with dads 4 x daily carers my sister and I also assist in caring for dad who lives alone.
Sister and I have a bad relationship to the point we have ceased contact.
I do dads shopping using his POA card which sister eventually suggested I do as dad had started to get awkward about paying me back for shopping I had done on his behalf.
At one point during the last 3.5 years dads shop had been done either by sister adding his shop to her online one ( sister has most of her shopping delivered as does not drive ) myself doing shop or sometimes myself taking dad out which eventually became difficult as dad is now doubly incontinent and unfortunately had some poo accidents whilst out ( dads catheter is permanent ).
Sister eventually decided she no longer wanted to do dad shopping and told me she was not online shopping anymore and that I was to do all his shopping she won't even pick up a single item for him. Sister lives a short walk from dad so was able to take some shopping round to his home.
To be honest I believe this is a Fib/Lie as she has shopped online for a few years now however I have gone along with her request and its not been a problem especially as I no longer have to try and get dad to part with his money from his wallet.
I keep the receipts as dad would either misplace them or throw away and believe this is the correct thing to do regarding using the POA.
I used to send photos of the receipts via Whats- App but sister cut me off from messaging her that way last summer and in fact had said prior to our falling out that it was unnecessary to send photos of his shopping receipts.
Gradually contact via other sources has been dropped so no emailing initially at her request and eventually agreed by myself given hers were nasty, condescending and abusive, no calling unless via dads house phone ( but she wouldn't go to his phone if I needed to speak with her ) no texting which became automatic as I had to stop her calling my mobile as she was being verbally abusive to me. Sister and I haven't had any contact for a few weeks now.
So out of the blue last night I received an email sister is querying a £1 spend in said shop ( Pound shop ) and a spend of £14.76 spent in supermarket.
To be honest I am a tad amused its not like it was a large amount is it? also I am a bit irritated however my Partner is very angry he says its a indication of lack of trust on her part.
I had taken the shop round to dad yesterday afternoon so it was actually three days after initially purchasing as I intended to get dad a fresh cream trifle which I did. Dads trifle was purchased the day before taking so as to be as fresh as possible but as dad had some puddings and custard pots already there for his puddings nothing else was urgently needed. I had decided I would take the shop in one trip despite the fact I had already been to see him in-between shop and actually taking it.
Sister will see the shopping there when she goes in this morning.
No doubt dad will have called her after my visit yesterday he rings her every time I visit after I have left but he obviously only reported that I had left him milk and trifle and didn't bother to look in cupboard etc, most of the time dad shows little interest in his shop anyway.
I have the receipts the BIG spend of £1 ? was for washing gel for his dogs bedding and the rest was for dads needs his favorite cakes, milk, washing pods etc etc.
To be honest I have on occasion taken advantage when things are on offer and slightly stock piled such as his little individual boxed cakes ( V whirls ) as currently less than half price so offer is good he eats all the time and they have a good sell by date.
I tend to only take round as needed as dad would complain if he saw say 4-5 boxes in his cupboard.
So question is shall I bring this up with her or ignore her request for me to email her when her initial query should have been resolved when she went to his this morning and seen what I have taken.
I am reluctant to re-start any communication as each time we have done so she then starts to get abusive in her messaging and I don't want all that again.
Sister is able to view dads bank statement online as the other Attorney she offered to be the one to be able to online bank as only one Attorney was allowed to have that access and I don't have any issue with that. Sister stated she regularly checks his statement.
Dad still receives a paper statement which was re-instated as bank had stopped sending one but he isn't that keen to show anyone so I don't ask to see it.
I can obviously keep a eye on dads overall balance/expenditure by inserting the POA card in Bank Machine but to be honest I trust sister so have only checked once for overall balance after my Partner insisted I should just check dads balance.
Dads overall spend does not change much as his shop is reasonably consistent as are his Direct Debits and W F Meals order which I also deal with as in ordering the meals as they automatically come off the card he has registered with them.
I almost feel like cutting up my POA card and leaving it to her I'm not happy to have if she is indicating a lack of trust towards me but I know she does enough for dad as it is cooking his breakfast walking dog etc.
Its frustrating for me that she has suddenly decided to contact me over a small spend which I can justify and show receipts for if needed.
As some of you will be aware along with dads 4 x daily carers my sister and I also assist in caring for dad who lives alone.
Sister and I have a bad relationship to the point we have ceased contact.
I do dads shopping using his POA card which sister eventually suggested I do as dad had started to get awkward about paying me back for shopping I had done on his behalf.
At one point during the last 3.5 years dads shop had been done either by sister adding his shop to her online one ( sister has most of her shopping delivered as does not drive ) myself doing shop or sometimes myself taking dad out which eventually became difficult as dad is now doubly incontinent and unfortunately had some poo accidents whilst out ( dads catheter is permanent ).
Sister eventually decided she no longer wanted to do dad shopping and told me she was not online shopping anymore and that I was to do all his shopping she won't even pick up a single item for him. Sister lives a short walk from dad so was able to take some shopping round to his home.
To be honest I believe this is a Fib/Lie as she has shopped online for a few years now however I have gone along with her request and its not been a problem especially as I no longer have to try and get dad to part with his money from his wallet.
I keep the receipts as dad would either misplace them or throw away and believe this is the correct thing to do regarding using the POA.
I used to send photos of the receipts via Whats- App but sister cut me off from messaging her that way last summer and in fact had said prior to our falling out that it was unnecessary to send photos of his shopping receipts.
Gradually contact via other sources has been dropped so no emailing initially at her request and eventually agreed by myself given hers were nasty, condescending and abusive, no calling unless via dads house phone ( but she wouldn't go to his phone if I needed to speak with her ) no texting which became automatic as I had to stop her calling my mobile as she was being verbally abusive to me. Sister and I haven't had any contact for a few weeks now.
So out of the blue last night I received an email sister is querying a £1 spend in said shop ( Pound shop ) and a spend of £14.76 spent in supermarket.
To be honest I am a tad amused its not like it was a large amount is it? also I am a bit irritated however my Partner is very angry he says its a indication of lack of trust on her part.
I had taken the shop round to dad yesterday afternoon so it was actually three days after initially purchasing as I intended to get dad a fresh cream trifle which I did. Dads trifle was purchased the day before taking so as to be as fresh as possible but as dad had some puddings and custard pots already there for his puddings nothing else was urgently needed. I had decided I would take the shop in one trip despite the fact I had already been to see him in-between shop and actually taking it.
Sister will see the shopping there when she goes in this morning.
No doubt dad will have called her after my visit yesterday he rings her every time I visit after I have left but he obviously only reported that I had left him milk and trifle and didn't bother to look in cupboard etc, most of the time dad shows little interest in his shop anyway.
I have the receipts the BIG spend of £1 ? was for washing gel for his dogs bedding and the rest was for dads needs his favorite cakes, milk, washing pods etc etc.
To be honest I have on occasion taken advantage when things are on offer and slightly stock piled such as his little individual boxed cakes ( V whirls ) as currently less than half price so offer is good he eats all the time and they have a good sell by date.
I tend to only take round as needed as dad would complain if he saw say 4-5 boxes in his cupboard.
So question is shall I bring this up with her or ignore her request for me to email her when her initial query should have been resolved when she went to his this morning and seen what I have taken.
I am reluctant to re-start any communication as each time we have done so she then starts to get abusive in her messaging and I don't want all that again.
Sister is able to view dads bank statement online as the other Attorney she offered to be the one to be able to online bank as only one Attorney was allowed to have that access and I don't have any issue with that. Sister stated she regularly checks his statement.
Dad still receives a paper statement which was re-instated as bank had stopped sending one but he isn't that keen to show anyone so I don't ask to see it.
I can obviously keep a eye on dads overall balance/expenditure by inserting the POA card in Bank Machine but to be honest I trust sister so have only checked once for overall balance after my Partner insisted I should just check dads balance.
Dads overall spend does not change much as his shop is reasonably consistent as are his Direct Debits and W F Meals order which I also deal with as in ordering the meals as they automatically come off the card he has registered with them.
I almost feel like cutting up my POA card and leaving it to her I'm not happy to have if she is indicating a lack of trust towards me but I know she does enough for dad as it is cooking his breakfast walking dog etc.
Its frustrating for me that she has suddenly decided to contact me over a small spend which I can justify and show receipts for if needed.
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