Dad's really bad this week....


Registered User
May 19, 2007
I haven't posted for a while because we were all muddling along as Dad (vascular dementia) has been 'okay' for a couple of months.
Mum is his main carer (at home) and we don't live far away so help as much as we possibly can, but this last week, well, I don't know how much longer Mum can cope.
Apart from Dad's 'normal' confusion and delusions he is now so depressed that he just won't do anything - we were due to take him out for a bit of a jaunt tomorrow but he says now that he won't go and to be honest he is talking complete nonsense and jibberish.
Poor Mum lost her temper with him at the weekend too.
He is so down that nothing we do will help and he is accusing Mum (when he recognises her) of doing things to 'hurt' him and he's becoming more suspicious about money and belongings.
He says he hates being at home, hates other people (mainly imaginary ones!) and yet he now refuses to do anything he used to enjoy.
At least twice a week we were taking him to the beach or for lunch somewhere or to watch the odd football match, but now he's just lost the will to live.
He's not going to get better is he?
All medical help has been superb and he has a care package in place. Earlier this year he spent a week on an assessment ward, but we took him home because at the time he was lucid enough to just want to escape and come home.
Mum's had to give him one of his prescribed anti-anxiety pills for the first time today and he has had the odd sleeping tablet this week because Mum is exhausted with his night time 'episodes' and is exhausted.
I keep blanking all this out and then when I think about it all end up in floods of tears.
This has got to be the cruellest illness; to watch my darling Dad just descend into hell.
Sorry, got to stop now, just had to let it out.

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Hello Peapod,

Just a thought. Apart from some possible deterioration in your father`s condition, has he slowed down physically?

My husband doesn`t want to go out now as he finds it just too cold. However well he dresses for the weather, he doesn`t seem able to move quickly enough to warm up through exercise.

Perhaps the fact that your father is getting less exercise than he did, is contributing to his poor sleeping pattern.

Another thought is the possibility he might need his medication re-assessing. When was this done last? And if he takes anti-depressants, perhaps he needs a higher dose.

It`s really difficult to manage changes in behaviour and the only way is to explore all avenues.

Take care xx


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Dear Peapod

I can't offer you any constructive help, I'm afraid, just huge sympathy. Vascular dementia throws up symptoms that are very difficult to live with.

You say your dad is very depressed; is he on anti-depressants? Perhaps he needs a higher dose now. It might be worth discussing it with his GP.

Please don't apologise for ranting, it's good that you can let it all out here. Please post whenever you want to. And I hope things get a bit easier for you and your mum.



Registered User
May 19, 2007
Thanks Grannie - his medication was assessed only a couple of weeks ago, though nothing was changed.
He only has the anti-anxiety pills and sleeping tablets because he has a slight heart condition, and he has been alright for a good while.
We try to keep him as active as possible during the day both physically and mentally - today though he wouldn't even talk endlessly about old movies - something he's always loved doing!
Even up to last Friday he was looking forward to an hour or so on a golf driving range tomorrow with my Husband, but that's out the window now.
He's even refusing to go to a wonderful day centre nearby.
He's giving up.
Thankyou too Skye for your kind words; he isn't on anti-depressents (he was last year for a while), but the side effects warned of possible hallucinations and he gets them terribly as it is (Lewy Bodies has been ruled out BTW)
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