dads not coping

[maude]

Hi all
My mum was diagnosed with dementia about 4 years ago. She is doing really well and has responded to aricept. She is able to look after herself in terms of dressing and washing etc. My dad who is 84 is her carer and we are all on hand to help them out. My brother visits daily as he lives very close and i see them once or twice a wk . they come here for dinner or just a break.However last wkend when i phoned to speak to mum she was so angry and hostile and said that no one cares about them except my brother and I tried to say to her that she had been to my house for din twice recently but she said i was talking about years ago!! so i didnt argue as i know she has no concept of time. My dad i think is suffering from depression just mildly and when i spoke to him he felt exactly the same.My concern is that they sit all day just thinking about who has not called or visited instead of my dad helping my mum to look at photos and remember all the wonderful family times we have had. I think that his frustration and anger are being pushed onto my mum and she is now thinking that no one loves her or cares. Part of me is cross with him but the other half has great empathy. I have been a carer for my son for 30 years and i know how hard it is.My sister isnt as hands on but she got the dressing down too. She refused to go in for a while as she feels it is emotional blackmail. But i just feel life is too short. Sometimes it feels like you are in a turmoil of emotions. Obviously my sons needs are my priority but i have alwasy tried to balance this with caring for my parents too. They are making it very hard for us and i dont want any resentment to build among the family through this. Any suggestions gratefully received.
Thanks for listening
x

 

[Onlyme]

My sister isnt as hands on but she got the dressing down too. She refused to go in for a while as she feels it is emotional blackmail. But i just feel life is too short. Sometimes it feels like you are in a turmoil of emotions.

I have a similar problem with a sibling and it just adds to the carers stress level and doesn't cure anything as the person with AD doesn't remember.

MIL doesn't understand time and will call 2 hours after you have seen her to say she hasn't seen anyone for days.

Can you get your Dad to go to the Dr?

 

[sussexsue]

Hi

Please dont get cross with your Dad - its so hard and tiring looking after someone all the time. Maybe he just doesnt have the energy (physical or emotional) to "entertain" your mum. Its tough on anyone in their 80s to look after someone with dementia.

I do know where you are coming from as my MIL is very intolerant of FIL who appears to be suffering from dementia (they are both nearly 90). I think as people get older they can get very set in their ways and struggle to adapt to the changing needs of their partners.

It sounds as though you are all a very caring family and each trying to help out in your own ways.

Have you looked into Day Care for your mum. It would give your dad a break and might provide some stimulation for your mum.

take care

Sue