Dad's neighbour is taking advantage of him

[littlelins]

It has come to light in recent weeks that my dad’s neighbour has been going into my dad’s house and taking food out of the freezer, using his dryer and making calls on his telephone. I have involved the police, but they say there is little they can do as dad is letting this man in and he will probably say my dad is giving him permission to do these things.

As my dad has carers visiting 4 x per day, a district nurse 2 x per week and a gardener 1 x fortnight, he has got used to letting pretty much whoever just walk into the house and assumes he must know people if they act like they know him, hence how this neighbour has wormed his way in.

The reason for this post is that the police this morning suggested that the only way forward is to move my dad to sheltered accommodation. Although the police can talk to this neighbour, they think that there will always be people around who’ll take advantage of my dad.

Unfortunately, I don’t think this sheltered accommodation is the answer and would really appreciate others thoughts and advice.

The main problem with moving dad is that he likes go out for walks round the neighbourhood and finds his way home largely only because he has lived in the same area for 22 years and recognises it. They will not be able to stop him going for a wander in sheltered accommodation and I foresee dad going on walks every day, getting lost and the police picking him up to take him back. Even worse, I think he would go back to his current house and try to break in convinced it was still his home!

Apart from letting strangers into his house, dad doesn’t have many problems that yet affect his ability to live fairly independently – he’s only 70 & his mobility is good, he eats well as long as the carer’s prompt him. The only other real problem is he doesn’t wash, shower, change clothes often enough, but that is not something sheltered housing will help with. I already know from a short spell in a nursing home last summer that he is not one to enjoy the sociable side of being around people – he’s lived alone for the best part of 30 years and likes to be left alone. He didn’t take kindly to being in a nursing home and spent all day everyday trying to break out. And sometimes succeeding!

Is there an answer? I wonder about getting CCTV, but I’ve received conflicting advice off the police. There is the school of thought that it’d prove nothing as my dad would be shown to be giving permission to people to take his stuff, but then I was told it would be a good idea..it will surely put people off taking advantage of him? I would dearly like my dad to stay at home as long as he can as he’s happiest there and am looking for ways to keep him there and keep him safe.

For the record, social services had no helpful suggestions. What a shock

 

[TinaT]

Its a bit drastic but I wonder if getting a few big strong nephews, sons etc., to come with you whilst you pay this man a visit to warn him to keep well away from your dad's house. I would also say that the police have been involved and that you are putting CCTV in the house.

I'm sure this will give him food for thought!

xxTinaT

 

[ella24]

I would suggest someone popping in on the neighbour and saying 'we've had to get the police involved because dad seems to be having some odd visitors and things are going missing' - without saying that you beleive it is the nieghbour. Sometimes a gentle threat that you know what is going on without saying it directly is enough to work.

It's awful that people seem to take advantage in this way.

Practical things
-- if your dad had meals on wheels daily (SS would /should sort) then he wouldnt have much food in the house - less to go 'missing'.
-- could you set the phone to limited numbers only (BT can sort this) or you can get a phone that limits to say 10 known numbers - only the speed-dial numbers work.
-- is it worth disabling the dryer?
-- a keypad door entry with limited people knowing the number would stop people coming in too

good luck

e

 

[Vonny]

Honestly Littlelins, the things some people stoop to beggars belief. Taking advantage of a vulnerable old man is disgusting and I wish the police could throw the book at him.

I like Ella's suggestion that you tell the neighbour in a roundabout way rather than coming out directly. Despicable though he is for sponging off your dad, it's always best to keep relations with next door amicable if possible. Depending on the cost, I would install cctv (and jolly well let the neighbour know). The footage may not be sufficient for the police to prosecute but it would give you proof if you decide to confront this man with "the big boys" in tow.

Good luck

Vonny xx

 

[Helen33]

I would suggest someone popping in on the neighbour and saying 'we've had to get the police involved because dad seems to be having some odd visitors and things are going missing' - without saying that you beleive it is the nieghbour. Sometimes a gentle threat that you know what is going on without saying it directly is enough to work.

I was thinking in the same lines as Ella but with the addition of asking for the neighbour to keep an eye out for anyone suspicious For many people this would work as a deterrent but there are always those kinds of people that are very thick skinned and brazen but it is worth starting with this approach because you never know until you try. If it works, fine. If it does, you can cross that bridge when you get to it.

Love

 

[Norrms]

I favour the Nephew approach said by Tina, only way to deal with these despicable morons, best wishes, Norrms and family xxxxxxxxx
P.S. want to borrow a couple of mine ??? LOL Only joking LOL

 

[zoet]

I like Tinas idea too. But I would have a chat to the neighbour first about why he thinks it would be ok to do those things to your dad. Then you can put him straight. Explain that your dad is very closely monitored by all those who look after him and that the neighbours actions would be considered abuse.

As for further incidents and wandering,not washing etc. Im sorry to say it does look as though you need to start thinking about different sorts of accomadation. The same happened to my dad last year and now he is here with me because he deteriorated very quickly. Talk to dads S/W about a best interests meeting. I hope things go ok. x

 

[Starshine]

Some people are so disgusting, Good luck with this, there doesn't seem to be any answers, I am same position with my Uncle, seem to be no way to protect them against these dodgy people, cold callers are rife and soon get to know who is vunerable. If you get any excellent ideas please pass them on, I am at my wits end too, no end of so called gardners charge him small fortunes for doing nothing!! even insurance companies cold call, and my Uncle purchased a washing machine around 1993/94 have just found out he is still paying the extra shop insurances on this, cos the renewal notices hadn't been actioned, OK how would a dementia sufferer, understand that then, nearly £2000.00 pounds he's paid, and they didn't want me to cancel it either. Ughhhhhhh PEOPLE!!!
Good Luck hope things get sorted for you.
Starshine x

 

[Lynne]

Its a bit drastic but I wonder if getting a few big strong nephews, sons etc., to come with you whilst you pay this man a visit to warn him to keep well away from your dad's house. I would also say that the police have been involved and that you are putting CCTV in the house.

I'm sure this will give him food for thought!

xxTinaT

That gets my vote! What a creep this man is!!
.

 

[littlelins]

Thanks

Thanks everyone for the support and suggestions!

An update:

Following on from original post, we decided that in the first instance we would get CCTV – inside and out – and my boyfriend fitted that last weekend. As luck would have it, the police visited dad’s neighbour whilst we were at my dad’s and finally managed to speak to this man. He confessed to taking some of my dad’s meals, but said my dad had said he could have them. He was told in no uncertain terms that he should not take anything off my dad and that he is not to set foot in my dad’s house again. It is early days, but food has stopped going missing now..

Unfortunately, I don't have any strapping relatives, though my 14 year old son is getting big, so that's a thought for the future! Anyway, thankfully the police stepped in, so I didn't have to send the not exactly strapping boyfriend round..

Thanks to the suggestion for barring calls, I have found a phone guard that will only allow 20 pre-programmed numbers to be dialled – this will be plenty for my dad as he only ever phones me! I haven't put this on the phone yet, but it looks pretty straightforward.

I cut the plug off the dryer as soon as I found out this man was using it!

So far as cold callers go, I have had a sign by the door for some time saying 'We do not buy goods or services at the door' - I have also had to add 'we do not give to charity' too, as they seemed to think they were exempt from this request! My dad does not have access to cash anymore anyway, so no one is going to be able to get cash off him, but I frequently have to cancel contracts he has agreed to - for a regular donation to the British Heart Foundation, for a promotional newspaper delivery (when he already receives the same papers every day!), I am SURE there is other stuff - every time I visit, I pensively go through his house looking for the tell tale signs he's signed up to something else!

And so, we will hopefully plod on for a while longer with dad happy at home..

 

[Vonny]

Hi Littlelins,

You must be feeling very relieved that the police have been round and that nothing else has gone missing. Unless the neighbour is a dyed-in-the-wool criminal, I can't imagine he will be imposing on your dad again with the threat of the police hanging over him.

Personally I think cctv is a great idea for any house, if nothing else so you can see who is coming and going.

It sounds as if you and your boyfriend have done a really good job.

Vonny xx

 

[Sam Iam]

Your Dads neighbour in lower than low.

Does you Dad not have a keysafe for Carer's this is supplied by S/W.

How do there people sleep at nights

I myself wonder if Mum is being "short changed! by the local shopkeeper I ahve no proof but I make sure she only has enough money for what she will need ie x 2 £5's

Hope you get something sorted for your peace of mind xx

 

[Sam Iam]

Your Dads neighbour in lower than low.

Does you Dad not have a keysafe for Carer's this is supplied by S/W.

How do there people sleep at nights

I myself wonder if Mum is being "short changed! by the local shopkeeper I have no proof but I make sure she only has enough money for what she will need ie x 2 £5's

Hope you get something sorted for your peace of mind xx

 

[jenniferpa]

Does you Dad not have a keysafe for Carer's this is supplied by S/W.

Unfortunately - not always: I had to pay for ours (and it was close to £25 )

 

[Grannie G]

I have just paid £50 for supplying and fitting a Key Safe.

 

[jenniferpa]

That seems about par for the course Sylvia - I purchased mine 4 or 5 years ago.