1. claire43

    claire43 Registered User

    Jul 11, 2013
    153
    South Wales
    My Dad passed away on 27 Dec and his funeral is tomorrow afternoon. I am dreading it. I am such an emotional wreck at the moment but I really really want to stay strong throughout it and not cry in public. I want to be there for my mother and my daughter who worshipped her gramp. Any tips on holding back the tears until I get home.
     
  2. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    7,567
    Yorkshire
    Hi claire43
    no tips I'm afraid - I think the day will take you as it will - I didn't cry at my mum's funeral, I don't know why not, somehow I felt the ceremony was a celebration of her life and although I was sad, I was proud of her too - maybe I was still numb - maybe we go into a protective zone
    you will be as you need to be - just don't be afraid to weep, any tears will be testimony to your love for your dad and will be understood by your mum and daughter - maybe, just maybe the three of you need to weep together, if not then maybe later
    I hope all goes well for your family
     
  3. sleepless

    sleepless Registered User

    Feb 19, 2010
    3,232
    Female
    The Sweet North
    Claire, I'm afraid I can't offer any advice on holding back the tears, as I have never managed to do this at the funerals of really close relatives. But I have seen many people manage it, somehow. You may be surprised by your reaction tomorrow.
    I do hope the funeral is all you wish it to be, and you and your family can say goodbye to your dad in the way that feels right for you at the time. I am pretty sure you won't fall apart, Claire. There is something about the progression through the service that helps, and the presence of family and friends around you will support you I am sure.
    I hope you are asleep now, and the morning will find you calmer and ready for the day. xx
     
  4. Ameliasmama

    Ameliasmama Registered User

    Oct 24, 2015
    44
    Oh Claire, I'll be thinking of you today xxxx


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  5. Shazedge

    Shazedge Registered User

    Nov 11, 2015
    27
    Thinking of you Claire and sending you love and strength to get through the day.
    My dad died on the 20th Dec and his funeral is not until the 15th. I'm trying really hard to prepare myself as, like you, I don't want to be an emotional wreck. I'm reading dads eulogy and want to be composed for that.
    The only think I can say to you is to try and not put too much pressure on yourself a and go with what feels right.
    Will be thinking of you and sending love xxxx
     
  6. Chemmy

    Chemmy Registered User

    Nov 7, 2011
    7,593
    Yorkshire
    #6 Chemmy, Jan 5, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2016
    Strangely, I was dry-eyed at the funerals of both my parents - an element iof shock kicking in there, I expect as well as the rather 'odd' delivery by the both celebrants from her church - but I have sobbed quietly at the funerals of relative strangers. Music choices seem to be what set me off.

    Head held high, smile on face....and waterproof mascara, just in case ;)

    I hope it all goes well. You will feel better when it's over. My mum died three years ago on Christmas Eve and the period in limbo over the holidays was far harder to endure than the funeral itself. I think I was all cried out by that stage.

    What will be, will be. No regrets, either way.
     
  7. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    58,967
    Female
    Dundee
    Wishing you strength.
     
  8. Chemmy

    Chemmy Registered User

    Nov 7, 2011
    7,593
    Yorkshire
    PS. A practical tip that I've used before; if you discreetly dig your thumbnail into the fleshy mound at the base of the thumb on the opposite hand, it hurts and can be enough of a distraction to stop you starting to cry.
     
  9. disi

    disi Registered User

    Oh Claire, I will be thinking of you today and sending you strength.
     
  10. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    Sending you loving thoughts for today Claire, and for the difficult time ahead. May you find the strength to get through the day, and there's nothing wrong with crying. God makes tears to wash away sorrow.

    I'm sure your Dad will be proud of you, and will look down on all his loved ones. May his dear sweet soul Rest In Peace xxxx
     
  11. Deputypink

    Deputypink Registered User

    Aug 4, 2013
    44
    I was just going to ask the forum for advice for the same thing as my dad has his service on Thursday . When did funerals get so complicated !
    I hope your Das day was special and you held it together .!
     
  12. CollegeGirl

    CollegeGirl Registered User

    Jan 19, 2011
    9,535
    North East England
    #12 CollegeGirl, Jan 5, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2016
    Thinking of you for tomorrow. I'd say don't try too hard to hold back the tears if they do come, because that's putting extra pressure on yourself at an immensely difficult time, and trying too hard to be strong for others may mean you don't get to grieve for yourself.

    It doesn't mean you can't support your mother and your daughter - you can all cry together if it comes to it. That's what happened at my MiL's funeral back in May, and we all helped each other on the day through our collective tears.

    But if the tears don't come after all, then that's okay too. I just think you should accept whatever comes.

    xx

    Edit - I'm not too sure, with the time of your post, whether the funeral was today, Tuesday, or if it's tomorrow, Wednesday. If it was today, I hope everything was okay and that you all coped. xx
     
  13. claire43

    claire43 Registered User

    Jul 11, 2013
    153
    South Wales
    I got through it without crying!! I was so worried cos I have been crying at the strangest times at home. I think it helped that one of my nutty relations who is profoundly deaf and schizophrenic suddenly burst into song at the first hymn. It was the worst singing I have ever heard and a few of us lost our composure for a couple of mins :eek:

    Thank you to everyone of you who has taken the time to try and help me through this God awful time. I suppose now the reality of it all will slowly but surely catch up with us. As for my dad I am grateful that he is no longer living such a tortured life.

    Goodnight and God Bless Dad xxx
     
  14. claire43

    claire43 Registered User

    Jul 11, 2013
    153
    South Wales
    I'm sure you'll make your dad proud reading his eulogy. Its such a long time before his funeral, it just prolongs the agony. Thinking of you lots of love xx
     
  15. Chemmy

    Chemmy Registered User

    Nov 7, 2011
    7,593
    Yorkshire
    I had a distraction at the start of Mum's too, which I agree in a funny way helps. I'd chosen Adele singing Abide with me, but the undertaker used a different version, the one she sang at the Olympics. If you listen to it, it starts with what I can only describe as an industrial heartbeat. I was completely gobsmacked. It couldn't have been more inappropriate in a crematorium and I'm sure that stopped any tears from me.:rolleyes:

    I'm glad you got through it. Tears may still come at odd moments but that bit at least is over.
     
  16. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    7,567
    Yorkshire
    Claire43 - I'm glad you are content with how the service went - take each day at a time and be gentle with yourself - blanket yourself in warm memories

    Deputypink - I wish you strength and composure for Thursday and hope all goes as you want it to

    Shazedge - I too read my mum's eulogy, and found it gave me a focus for the day - speaking of her quite humble life actually made me very proud of her, the mainstay of her life was her love for family, and cards and words from those who attended were testimony to how highly she was thought of - so there was much joy in the ceremony, which I hadn't expected - I hope it gives you such comfort on the 15th
     
  17. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    I gave my husband's Eulogy - a year ago tomorrow. To this day, I don't know how I did it - but I did. The best tip I can give is to look round whilst you are speaking, but don't "look" at anybody in particular. When I spoke about what a great Dad John was, I just glanced in the general direction of where my children were sitting.

    At the end, I got a standing ovation, even the organist came round to clap, and I only lost it during the last few words, but that was expected, as the last words are so poignant, and nobody minded. Every single person in the congregation is willing you on, and will only have admiration for what you are doing.

    Whatever you do, you'll have done your best and your Dad/Mum/Spouse will be so proud of you. Hoping everything goes smoothly. xxx
     
  18. Deputypink

    Deputypink Registered User

    Aug 4, 2013
    44

    Thank you so much - the strength came from somewhere and the funeral went well . Lots of the younger generation came to support the family and We had a good lunch afterwards . Dad would have loved it - all the youngsters he used to wind up when we were younger all singing hymns in tribute to him ! Jx
     
  19. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    So glad for you xxx
     
  20. claire43

    claire43 Registered User

    Jul 11, 2013
    153
    South Wales
    I am so glad everything went well for you.
     

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