Dad's friend is going into a home and he relies on her

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by bagrat, Jan 15, 2007.

  1. bagrat

    bagrat Registered User

    Nov 22, 2006
    13
    Father -in -law lives alone 65 miles away and refuses all help. We take shopping once a week and he is very picky with what he will eat ( mainly sweet stuff as others have mentioned). He is smoking more and more but is meticulous about emptying ash tray after each cig so unaware that a 2 a day habit is now 20 a day. Tonight I heard that his long standing lady friend from the flat below where he spends part of each day is going into a home for good (she also has dementia). Last time she was admitted he became even more erratic and confused. He phones her relatives and us incessantly asking where she is. We would be delighted if they could be placed together but he insists he is fine where he is. It wouldn't be so bad if he just phoned us but her rels have enough on without his constant calls. It's just one loss after another for him - we have removed his car as he isn't fit to drive. Sometimes he seems to understand a bit and then we're back to the beginning again - I wish I could understand how he is processing info ( or not!)
     
  2. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    oh bagrat ....... all those losses for him ..... sounds so upsetting.

    I've no answers, just a few thoughts:

    are you in contact with his lady friend's relatives? might be good for the two sets of relatives to talk. it could be that they don't mind him calling them that much. sure your FIL seems to have got a lot from visiting her ...... but then there's no reason from what you say to assume it's not mutual. [Just as an aside ... when my dad still lived alone in his house, he used to go round to the neighbours quite a bit, and they gave him a lot of support. I was really worried about it because they have a young lad who has autism and I thought they had their work cut out with him ..... But they reckoned that their lives were that disrupted by their son and they were awake all night with him, it made little difference if they were sorting dad out as well. Can't assume it's the same in your situation, but it's worth considering possiblity that her relatives might not be so bothered by it as you fear]

    sounds as though it might be important for both FIL and his friend to be able to keep in contact. I wonder if he might be able to visit her, and maybe that drift into having a short stay with her ...... and ............ Idealistic and hopeful I know .... but ..........
     
  3. bagrat

    bagrat Registered User

    Nov 22, 2006
    13
    Thanks for your support . We are in touch with the two neices from downstairs lady and they are really good with FIL , but the vibes tonight were that "it's doing their head in" - all the calls. Yes in my ideal world we would take him to visit and he'd say " Please let me stay here!!!" His friends rels have offered to take him as well but last time she was in respite he wouldn't go and see her. Still he's not as well now so we will try.
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,884
    Kent
    Your poor FIL Bagrat, Hopefully he will miss his friend so much he will eventually be persuaded to visit her. As Aine said, he might like it so much he may decide he would like to stay. Miracles can happen. I wish you luck. Sylvia
     

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