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Dads deterioration. Needs to move.


Registered User
Jun 5, 2012
I've been lurking for a while but thought I would post just gir the
Benefit of your advice and support. My dad has been in a dementia supported living flat for 3 years but unfortunately they are now becoming unable to cope with his toileting and behaviours and have requested I look for a care home. My dad clearly knows he needs the toilet but unfortunately will go wherever be it in the lounge or another residents room and then resists any attempts at personal care which then sometimes involves rooting and smearing. I'm really sad as otherwise he is really well cared for but the scheme is not set up for this level of need. It's a very small unit which in most ways is ideal but the staffing ratio doesn't allow for the level of attention needed.

I have started looking round at alternatives but I'm scared of what I am seeing. Very large units and whilst there are more staff the ratios are not much better than where he is and they are saying they can't keep an eye on him constantly. I do think he will get lost in a large unit (not literally). To add to the problem the homes which I would prfer have no vacancies and the ones with vacancies have poor cqc reports or I don't get a good feel for. I do hope there is time to wait and I
Don't face an emergency decision. I need more time
To get this right. Thanks for listening x


Registered User
Dec 7, 2013
Buffalo, NY, USA
Finding the right unit for your Dad

Sorry you've not had any responses yet. I'm in the US, so can't be much help, but I'm bumping this to the top so others might see it.


Registered User
Oct 18, 2010
North East England
Has Dad had a needs assessment from the SS yet?If not then that should be your first port of call. Even as a self funder, Dad is entitled to support from the LA. They will be able to provide a list of suitable facilities which, even if you have to wait, will give you a chance to look around and put Dad's name on a waiting list. Also, have a word with Dad's GP and ask to speak with the Incontinence Clinic.
Good Luck


Registered User
Oct 16, 2013
Hi there,

My Dad moved into a care home about 6 months ago after it became unmanageable looking after him at his house. The home was great for the first 5 months but as his incontinence got worse, similar to your Dad and he began to get quite aggressive, resisting personal care etc, the home said they didn't think they were able to cope with him, even though they have a dementia unit - turns out they are only really able to manage people are less physically able and sleep most of the time. So, I would make sure that you ask the care homes you look into what they can and cannot deal with. Do they have a Mental Health Nurse in residence as this can be really helpful as they know how to deal with the more challenging behaviours. Old age homes that have dementia units (or at least the one my dad is in) do not seem able to manage such challenging behaviour so, do look around. I know it is easier said and done due to time constraints but it would be worth it in the long run.

Good luck and I hope you find somewhere suitable

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