Hello all, I'm not sure I'm posting for any specific advice, just a bit of an emotional splurge I think. Our background is our widowed 84yr old father lives alone and until June seemed to be managing okay. In June his short term memory ability suddenly disappeared. He saw the GP in June and we're in the sloooow process of getting his diagnosis. He won't see the post-scan consultant until just before Christmas, although from conversations with the dementia nurse and GP I'm 99% sure what the diagnosis will be. He has deteriorated rapidly since then. In the meantime my sister who lives 15 mins from him, and sees him most days after work, has been diagnosed with and started chemotherapy for breast cancer. I live 3-4 hours away and have fairly young children. He doesn't have outside carers other than a weekly cleaner. We have been raising this since August but he's prevaricated and deflected or became belligerent about paying so we took the decision to wait until our power of attorney was registered which happened recently. Carers are due to start w/c 2nd December and he'll just have to wear it. My sister has an appointment to view a local CH on Wednesday and he's previously agreed to go for a look. He's become very dependent on my sister. He can manage most practical things like dressing, shopping and cooking but needs to see her every day. Even if she's had a day of chemotherapy he would show up at her house at 9pm asking where she's been and making sarcastic comments. She's exhausting herself trying to accommodate him when she should be looking after herself. He's particularly depressed at the moment as he's lost his car. We had tried to stop him driving and I reported him to the DVLA last month as we decided we couldn't wait for the official diagnosis. He hit a parked car and was totally unconcerned. Last weekend he made an hour long trip to visit his adult grandsons and had a breakdown (we presume) on the way home. He couldn't remember what happened, where it happened, where the car was left or who brought him home other than it was a nice man. Obviously we were frantic about the danger he put other people in, and the danger he was in. I reported it to the police but 8 days later we still can't trace the car. As a side note I have now persuaded his GP to declare him unfit to drive to the DVLA. He is calling my sister several times a day distressed as he doesn't know where his car is. He either says he's going to kill himself or glibly says he'll just buy a new car. I'm dreading his reaction when he finally gets the letter revoking his licence. He has said he thinks he should go into a home but I'm worried that he doesn't mean it and is expecting us to tell him not to be silly of course he doesn't need to. I guess if I'm asking for any advice it would be: 1. How do people cope with the depression and agitation of the PWD and stop it infiltrating every aspect of your life. It's so distressing to have a parent keep talking about ending it all. I'm sorry if it sounds callous but he's talked about suicide at various times over the years to get a reaction. I'm really concerned about the effect on my sister and I jump whenever the phone rings. It seems like such a vicious circle. The more depressed he gets, the more he needs to express that to us and the less we can cope with being with him. I can spend hours on the phone to doctors, dementia nurses, police etc but when I have to call him I'm physically shaking. 2. I've read a lot on here about people realising that they couldn't cope and that their PWD needed to be in care. How have people managed that move, especially is there isn't yet a medical crisis and the person has capacity? Although he's not at crisis point in terms of physically managing, he is distressed and starting to need constant reassurance and constant company (although all attempts at groups have been rejected) and I feel my sister is approaching breaking point. Her operation is next month and I don't think carers once a day will alleviate his agitation. I'm afraid that moving in with either of us is not feasible. I have had him to stay for 3 weeks total over the last few months and it's been an enormous strain and regular life was suspended. We were not close before this began and the dementia has just enhanced the worst aspects of his personality and I'm not willing to impose him on my children and husband. My FIL also has advanced Alzheimers. Sorry for the length of the post. It really was a splurge. But it's so therapeutic to splurge to people who are experienced in these things. Most of my friends parents are still active involved grandparents - they have no idea what's coming.