Dads behaviour escalating

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Worriedsick44, May 28, 2019.

  1. Worriedsick44

    Worriedsick44 Registered User

    May 28, 2019
    10
    GP rang me back says she’s spoken with MH team and faxed over all details and that she has asked CPN to contact me just hope it’s today!
     
  2. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    2,895
    Nottinghamshire
    So do I! Is your mum safe for now?
     
  3. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,189
    Female
    South coast
    Dont leave it till tomorrow. Phone them yourself.
     
  4. Worriedsick44

    Worriedsick44 Registered User

    May 28, 2019
    10
    My mum safe at my aunts no call from team my hubby recorded my dad today in full throttle with his message and how my mum and his marriage is over as she won’t fund his idea in credit card he even tells him the hurtful things he says to her managed to obtain memory stick copy of the ones he’s posted I’m going to see CPN in they’re office at hospital I work in as I can’t wait for them any longer my poor Mum is in pieces told her I don’t want her there or being any part if he’s sectioned I will be instead will keep you posted
     
  5. Lyd

    Lyd Registered User

    May 27, 2019
    28
    hi, i think you have had some really good advice here. just a couple of additional thoughts:
    1. being sectioned is not going to be anyones favourate senario in an idea world but your dad does sound like he needs psychiatric support and if he cant access it voluntarily then being sectioned is a helpful way to do it.
    2. mental health professionals suggesting your mum goes away for a few days might not seem as odd as it sounds. it will keep her safe while giving them a bit more time to assess and make sure the right decisions are made and if he needs specific interventions that they are planned. planned is always going to be easier for everyone. crisis is always more stressful and tricky.
    3. you've had really good advice about your mum keeping safe if she goes home. if she was my mum i would try and convince her not too but if she was my mum she would probably ignore me!!!!
    4. i wouldnt take him to A&E in a crisis. call the police they have powers to detain him for treatment if needed they would take him to a secure safe setting where he can get pyschiatric help. this is usually a seperate place to A&E.
    i hope it goes ok for you.
     
  6. Lyd

    Lyd Registered User

    May 27, 2019
    28
    so glad you have managed go get her to go to your aunts. this is a horrible situation for you all take care of yourself L
     
  7. Normaleila

    Normaleila Registered User

    Jun 4, 2016
    661
    Hi.
    I'm so sorry to read all this. You're doing a great job for both your parents. Grind your teeth and keep going! Your mum must not go home. I've experience of a violent partner and I know you don't get enough warning to make yourself safe. He once put his hand under my chin and held me almost on my toes, head back. His other hand was raised, holding a kitchen knife with an 8 inch blade. I would have guessed I'd panic and struggle - but I went limp just like hunted animals you see on tv. I watched him grind his teeth as he fought the urge to stab me. Then he let me go.
    I don't want to frighten you - I just want to say you're right to do everything to keep your mother safe.
     
  8. Worriedsick44

    Worriedsick44 Registered User

    May 28, 2019
    10
    Well made up for all of an hour as CPN contacted me to arrange visit in next 24 hours following MDT with Psych Consultant told her unfortunately I was at work but I would ring Mum to be there but if it came to him being sectioned I want to be contacted and I would leave work go straight there to be with him and send Mum away . I told her everything that I put in my initial post on here and my concern for both of them.
    She made her visit said it’s my mum who needs medication and help as perhaps she has never dealt with him having CVA I’m absolutely livid I have a recording of his rants and I will be demanding appointment to see her how dare she, if that’s the help your offered no wonder they end up being taken to AED and not the appropriate assessment area I can’t articulate how mad and upset I am
     
  9. MoodyC

    MoodyC Registered User

    Sep 22, 2018
    31
    Hello Worried, I’ve been thinking about you today and hoped we’d get an update from you, having read your predicament with everything. You must be so frustrated and seething with it all. Can’t understand why she came to that conclusion. Did she meet your father? Unlike others on TP, I’m not so knowledgeable but just wanted to send a hug and hope you get somewhere with it all tomorrow. Hoping your mother is still away from the house.
     
  10. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,189
    Female
    South coast
    Oh dear.........
    Im guessing that your dad was in host mode, as nice as pie, your mum didnt dare contradict anything he said and the CPN believed everything he said.

    Its a pity that you couldnt be there, but yes, get to see the CPN and play the recording to her

    Edit to say that i do hope your mum is not staying there - he could turn on a sixpence.
     
  11. nellbelles

    nellbelles Volunteer Host

    Nov 6, 2008
    8,372
    leicester
    Our CPN said my husband was fine, I played back the recordings I had made, she quickly backtracked.. stand your ground
     
  12. Lyd

    Lyd Registered User

    May 27, 2019
    28
    sounds like the CPN is making judgements based on assessment of what your dad and mum are saying. they've landed on: the situation is managable but your mum is struggling to manage. they probably need to understand the situation better definately play them the recording. i would talk with them about how they feel medication will help keep your mum safe from escalting agression (it wont). i think you said he was violent before he had dementia if i am right they need to know that and also clear examples of how behaviour has escalated in recent days and why your family is scared (passed behaviour is one of the best predictors of future behaviour). they still might not think he needs to be sectioned but if not they should be considering how to provide support in the home that addresses the behaviour. Or they should be able to provide a rational for their thinking that makes your family comfortable with the outcome (i.e. that it meets your needs).
    if there is annother emergency incident where your dad is agressive and threaterning your mum with violence call the police they have powers to detain under a section if needed or they might support you going to A&E if they think thats best. A&E is probably the wrong place for him if he is having a psychotic episode that includes violent and threaterning behaviour. Police can access the same support as A&E.
    This is a very factual responce, i too dont find this a very easy format to convay emotion but i hope you are getting a sese of that regardless.
    Hope it goes well will be holding you in mind today L
     
  13. Jaded'n'faded

    Jaded'n'faded Registered User

    Jan 23, 2019
    421
    Female
    High Peak
    Hello @Worriedsick44 Your frustration levels must be through the roof - I would be screaming/seething.

    Stick to the plan - YOU know how things really are. (I don't see how medicating your mother will protect her from your father!)

    Keep your mum safe and away from the situation. Next time your dad starts on a serious rant, just call the police. They can/will act.

    I really feel for you - stay strong and you will get things sorted.
     

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