Dads behaviour escalating

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Worriedsick44, May 28, 2019.

  1. Worriedsick44

    Worriedsick44 Registered User

    May 28, 2019
    10
    My Dad was diagnosed with vascular dementia 3 years ago following a CVA he’d had 2 years prior.
    Dad always been highly intelligent lecturing forces, mainly self educated over past couple of years he has become obsessed with conspiracy theories particularly the pharmaceuticals holding back the cure for cancer. I’m an nhs med sister myself and have assured him in current state of affairs nhs wouldn’t allow it from financial never mind ethical point, but this has escalated into him now believing he himself has cure and that this is what he was put here for to deliver this message he spends his days making PowerPoint from you tube clips we left him too it at first thinking this was his way of occupying his mind even if it made no sense and although we were bored with listening to same rehearsed pitch he was causing no harm.
    This has now escalated he has attempted to contact Consultants, Police , MPs, saying he has cure to cancer and all addictions when he gets nothing back he boils over with temper verbally abusing my poor mum, then he started contacting people with cancer proclaiming same to extent my mum worried about telling him if some one in family ill, each time he gets no response he gets madder and madder and more and more abusive to my mum accusing her of some how intercepting or interfering with his message.
    This past week we myself and hubby have been away on holiday with them to help shoulder the load as he is still able to look after himself although personal hygiene has needed to be prompted sometimes lately my Dad attempted to sell his idea we’ll call it for now, to hotel owner via manager giving him one of his memory sticks of info he now regularly posts out to who knows who and spent holiday badgering them and when getting no where screaming at my mum till she was in tears told us more important than there marriage delivering this message that he was worried big pharmaceutical companies would have his throat slit for the information he knows that Jesus was crucified for knowing less making us see just how bad my mum was really being treated accusing her of stopping it because she doesn’t have an open enough mind she told him she was leaving him when we return home he says he’d kill himself within 2 weeks too be honest I’m worried he’ll hit her he gets so mad and has been very handy with his fists previous but with me until I left home at 17 but to my knowledge not with her.
    This eve my mobile rang it was him asking if my mum here stating had another row she’d gone in car had dogs I said maybe she’s gone to cool down then immediately rang her she was sobbing saying can’t go back talked her into coming to mine, she was very distressed same argument as everyday his bloody message and her stopping him at every turn he just kept screaming abuse at her saying hope your sister has cancer then you’ll all have to come to me for help I raised concern as this is escalating fast paranoia aggression ideas of grandeur almost worry of him lashing out she was sobbing shaking said she frightened herself as whilst he was screaming she was cutting up meat for evening meal and felt she had to make herself put knife down as she wanted to stab him to shut him up I feel he needs urgent assessment my mum has never been violent in her life and was petrified she’d felt like that. Biggest problem there is no way he’d agree to go voluntarily as he says he hasn’t got dementia psychiatrists wrong and I am in desperate need of guidance I cannot let this situation continue for fear if one or both getting hurt I have 2 sisters who both just avoid seeing him and think I’m over reacting looking at extreme measures as I think we’re heading toward section we did go to gp couple of months back told them all of this she saw him said she would re refer to psychiatrists also feed back to my mum outcome heard nothing dont know what to do but can’t stand by and watch this please please help
     
  2. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,222
    Female
    South coast
    You need to contact his GP/community psychiatric team URGENTLY.
    If your mum goes back she must call the police immediately if she is in danger. Tell her to keep a charged mobile on her all the time and if his aggression flares up she should go somewhere safe that can be locked - maybe the bathroom. The police know how to deal with something like this. He may be sectioned, but this can be a positive thing as he will then get the help he needs.
     
  3. Ohso

    Ohso Registered User

    Jan 4, 2018
    148
    What a terrible time you are all having, including your dad, l think someone needs to interveen and get the help so clearly needed. Personally because of the time of night l would call the police and explain everything, they will then make a decision based on everyones safety..he might then start to get help for the anxiety and paranoia.
    The world may seem like a very scary place to him right now and forcing help upon him might be the best thing you can do, your mum can stay safe with you but left alone his fears may escalate..
     
  4. Worriedsick44

    Worriedsick44 Registered User

    May 28, 2019
    10
    Tried GP and he has no CPN advised her to go to her friends for few days I’m only 5 min away if he needs anything but this only puts it off for few days he will just continue from where he’s left off she won’t have him sectioned because my idiot younger sister thinks it’s extreme as a nurse I know it’s hard but also that if he needs something to correct or dampen this behaviour it’s positive Mum also worry’s he’ll hate her even more for it doesn’t seem to be much support
     
  5. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,222
    Female
    South coast
    He needs medication for this psychosis, but if he wont go voluntarily then he would have to be sectioned.

    I am very concerned for your mums safety.
     
  6. Worriedsick44

    Worriedsick44 Registered User

    May 28, 2019
    10
    Me too I will try to obtain help maybe they would go assess him while she’s away if they don’t agree with him he will show his true colours sad a stranger online more concerned than my younger sister Thankyou for advice
     
  7. Worriedsick44

    Worriedsick44 Registered User

    May 28, 2019
    10
    Mum got appointment this morning with GP I’m going with her will keep you posted
     
  8. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,167
    Merseyside
    That’s good. Stay strong & be firm.
     
  9. Jintyf

    Jintyf Registered User

    Jun 14, 2013
    47
    My mother was sectioned last December and it really was the best thing. Her anxiety, aggression and delusions are now under control with medication. It took 2.5 months to get the dosages right but I am forever grateful to the great staff at the local Community Hospital.

    Good luck in getting help for yoru Dad and although it will be difficult for yoru Mum and the rest of the family it will be best all-round. Safety of your Mum is vital.

    Sending a hug. x
     
  10. Worriedsick44

    Worriedsick44 Registered User

    May 28, 2019
    10
    Thankyou x
     
  11. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,222
    Female
    South coast
    Good to hear that your mum has got an appointment with the GP and that you are going with her.
    This is not the time to be reticent about his behaviour; it is not a betrayal of trust - the GP needs to hear it all. Please make sure that the GP knows exactly what is going on.
     
  12. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    2,901
    Nottinghamshire
    I'm pleased you've got a GP appointment. Your parents' situation sounds extremely worrying. I agree with @canary the GP needs to know everything. Maybe you could print off your original post and take it with you?

    My dad was sectioned last year (although the circumstances were different to yours) and it got him the help he needed.

    I hope you quickly get the help your parents so desperately need.
     
  13. Worriedsick44

    Worriedsick44 Registered User

    May 28, 2019
    10
    Have been to GP who was very nonchalant about his behaviour which made me cross finally referring him to elderly mental health team as urgent I have requested she contact me when she has done this as i will ring them myself once this is done. He has been at my mum constantly since 530 this morning this can’t continue GP didn’t even show an ounce of compassion to my mum didn’t even ask how she felt, disgusting no real support no help
     
  14. Jaded'n'faded

    Jaded'n'faded Registered User

    Jan 23, 2019
    423
    Female
    High Peak
    I want to slap your GP :mad:
    Her lack of concern/care are unfortunately typical of some doctors who just don't get it.

    My opinion: First, get your mother safe, preferably away from your father. Next, call 111 or 999, get an ambulance or paramedics or the police out to your dad and get him sectioned.

    You need to ignore your mum's loyalties and your sister's unhelpful opinion and get your dad the help he so clearly needs.

    The bottom line here: 1) the situation will not resolve itself. 2) If things escalate it could end in tragedy. This is a potentially dangerous situation and your poor dad is out of control - he needs serious medical attention.
     
  15. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    536
    Male
    North West
    Yes some GP's are brilliant and others I'm not sure why they are GP's


    I agree with others -If no luck with getting your dad seen today I would definately get him to A&E either by ambulance or car, at least there he can be assessed and a psychiatric referal made. I uregently needed a psyche review for mum several weeks ago, they gave me an appointment four weeks later.
     
  16. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    2,901
    Nottinghamshire
    I absolutely agree with everything said here. I've known a situation very similar to this and it did end in tragedy and police involvement and in the end the poor guy was sectioned anyway but it was too late for his wife. I hate to add to your worries but please please make sure your mum is safely away from your dad and get your dad sectioned ASAP so he can get the treatment he needs.
     
  17. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,222
    Female
    South coast
    I agree - keep your mum away from your dad - she is obviously not able to take on board how much danger she is in.
    Im sorry the GP was so useless. Please contact someone about this - preferably the psychiatric team if you can get them to come out urgently, but if not either dial111, or, if it all kicks off, the police.
     
  18. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    2,901
    Nottinghamshire
    Please keep us informed @Worriedsick
    We're all very concerned about the situation.
     
  19. Worriedsick44

    Worriedsick44 Registered User

    May 28, 2019
    10
    I will if GP doesn’t contact me by lunchtime I will ring mental health myself Thank you all for your kind words and support X
     
  20. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,336
    Kent
    It`s hard to believe there are still some GP`s who do not understand how serious this situation is.

    Do what you have to do @Worriedsick44. If you can, contact emergency social services.

    While you are waiting try

    Action on Elder Abuse

    Their services include a national helpline providing information, support and advice to victims and those who are concerned about or have witnessed abuse,

    Helpline: 0808 808 8141 (Mon-Fri, 9am-5pm)
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.