Dad's anniversary

[Louby65]

I apologise now for sounding a bit pathetic . Just felting a bit low just now . It's my dad's anniversary today and for the first year I visited his grave on my own . I normally take my mum but I brought her at Christmas and she asked where we were . When I said it was dad's grave she looked blankly at me and dismissed it . So today , I just took her to her club and came myself . This disease is horrible enough but not being able to remember your husband and being able to support your daughter properly is just so sad. In a way I'm glad she doesn't remember much as the two of them were so devoted and loved each other very much . They were fabulous parents . I miss them both , even though it's only one who has died .

 

[LYN T]

I apologise now for sounding a bit pathetic . Just felting a bit low just now . It's my dad's anniversary today and for the first year I visited his grave on my own . I normally take my mum but I brought her at Christmas and she asked where we were . When I said it was dad's grave she looked blankly at me and dismissed it . So today , I just took her to her club and came myself . This disease is horrible enough but not being able to remember your husband and being able to support your daughter properly is just so sad. In a way I'm glad she doesn't remember much as the two of them were so devoted and loved each other very much . They were fabulous parents . I miss them both , even though it's only one who has died .

You don't sound pathetic at all. You sound sad and a bit lost but all of that is very understandable. One of the stages I found difficult was when my late Husband lost all empathy for my feelings; Pete had always been so sensitive and loving so it was difficult to deal with when that all ebbed away. I can only hope that you accept things as they have become (difficult I know) and remember the good times as they were.

You have my sympathy

Love,

Lyn T XX

 

[Shedrech]

Hi Louby65
I hope your visit did give you some comfort

I empathise, I really do
Mum died nearly 10 years ago; dad visited her grave regularly and it helped him so much; I often went with him; then dementia and slowly he visited less, forgot where it was; and went into a care home last year, rarely even mentioning mum ... now I visit once in a while on my own. All so very sad.

Aren't we fortunate, though, to have had parents so fond of each other and of us - memories to cherish

 

[Louby65]

Your so right Lynn T and shedrech, we should remember the good times as there was plenty of them . Thank you . Lou xx

 

[Amy in the US]

You don't sound the least bit pathetic, just low, as you say, and a bit sad, but perfectly understandable. Please don't be too hard on yourself.

While it was probably the right thing to do to go to your dad's grave site by yourself today, I am sure it felt strange not to take your mother.

If you feel like it, I wonder if there's a particular memory of your dad you might care to share here on TP with us, or with a friend or family member? I don't mean to pry, and of course you should feel free to ignore me. I know sometimes it's painful to reminisce but it can also be helpful as well.

Please be kind to yourself today. I'll be thinking of you.

 

[Louby65]

Thank you Amy . It is good to reminisce . I picked my mum up from her centre and took her out for a coffee. We have been looking through some old photos and she's now gone to bed. My dad was the kindest person . He was quiet but helped everyone in his quiet unassuming way . He never thought much of himself , he was happy just working away and spending time with his family . We never had much money but he used to put money away for Christmas presents and we always got whatever we had asked for. He loved buying us presents and if we did well at school etc . He would always come home with a present of some jewellery - nothing expensive but was always lovely . I still have all the things he bought me. He was as proud as punch when I qualified as a nurse . Sometimes when my mum was working , him and I would go out for a drink or dinner together . I remember my friends saying they would never do that with their dad but I loved it . I used to be able to discuss anything with him . When my mum had her stroke , we made a pact to always look after her , which I have stuck to . He came home from work 23 years ago tonight and collapsed in front of me. I tried so desperately to resuscitate him but couldn't . I used to feel angry that I was able to save the lives of strangers but couldn't save my own dad but now realise it wasn't to be. He was such a special person whom I loved very much but I know he would be proud of me sticking to my promise to look after my mum whom he adored . Recently when cleaning out some boxes in the loft I came across letters ( hundreds) that him and my mum sent to each other . They are absolutely wonderful and I know the two of them adored each other , that's why it's so sad that my mum can't remember him. I read the letters out to her and she smiles. Thank you again for being so kind . Best wishes . Lou x

 

[Amy in the US]

Oh, Lou, what a touching tribute to your father. Thank you for sharing that. You've made me tear up!

I can only imagine how devastated you were by your father's collapse. That is truly an awful experience for you to have to bear. I am glad to hear you have happy memories of time spent with your dad. The letters you found in the attic sound like a real treasure trove.

I am sure your dad would be proud of you.

 

[Louby65]

Thank you Amy , I hope so. Thank you for taking the time to 'talk ' to me today . Means a lot . Lou x

 

[Amy in the US]

Lou, please, no worries, and you are quite welcome. Sometimes you just need to talk, even to a virtual stranger on the Internet, as it were!

I imagine the house is quiet after your mum's gone to bed and maybe you have time to think. Maybe, too much time to think (sometimes it seems that way). I hope you get some sleep tonight and are able to continue to remember good things about your dad, not just the sad parts. Easier said than done, I am sure.

Best wishes to you,

amy

 

[Louby65]

Thank you Amy . X