1. taylorcat

    taylorcat Registered User

    Jun 18, 2006
    171
    W.Scotland
    Here's me thinking Dad wanted to make a living will because of some of the patients he had seen when visiting Mum.

    He told me last night he's thinking of stopping his blood transfusions as they don't help much anymore and the next step would be chemo which he doesn't want. He just doesn't want to go on without Mum. I fully understand what he's saying. It would be different if either he or Mum were fit and healthy but there's not much chance of either of them getting any better.

    Just trying to get my head round this.
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,560
    Kent
    Oh dear Taylorcat, this is going to be extremely difficult for you.

    Is it likely this is an emotional reaction from your father, or do you think he`s serious?

    Does he have a sympathetic doctor? Perhaps you could make an appointment to see him.

    I wouldn`t sit in judgement of your father for thinking as he does, but you are going to need to be very strong, to be able to pick up the pieces.

    Take care

    Love xx
     
  3. taylorcat

    taylorcat Registered User

    Jun 18, 2006
    171
    W.Scotland
    Sylvia I think he's thought it through. Don't know if talking to his doctor would do any good. He's always been quite an active man and can't do much now because he's tired all the time, even after the blood transfusions, which he now has to go for weekly.

    As I said if my Mum was fit and healthy I think he would have a totally different outlook.

    I won't judge him at all I can fully understand why he's saying this and can't in all honesty say I wouldn't feel the same way were I in his position.
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,560
    Kent
    I would feel the same way too, Taylorcat, but feeling that way and actually putting it into practice are two very different things.

    I just hope you have the strength to support him in his choice.

    Love xx
     
  5. taylorcat

    taylorcat Registered User

    Jun 18, 2006
    171
    W.Scotland
    I hope so too. Thanks
     
  6. Mameeskye

    Mameeskye Registered User

    Aug 9, 2007
    1,669
    NZ
    Hi Taylorcat

    ((((hugs))))

    It is such a difficult thing isn't it. My Dad had cancer, and although my Mum was ok at that time after 4 years radiotherapy he had decided he had had enough as it made him feel ill for months after. He said that if he was going to die he may as well not be suffering the side effects of treatment which, although prolonging his life, left him with no energy to enjoy it.

    He passed away shortly after he told me this.

    In many ways, although the slide into dementia was hard on Mum, now when I see her in the same latter stages I am thankful for this disease which takes all insight from her. For us, who are left caring so much it is hard, but for my Mum she no longer knows, only needing to be warm and comfortable. In many ways this is easier for me.

    I know that this may sound strange but it was more difficult for me with my Dad as he was Dad right until the end. For Mum long gone it will be a blessing of another sort.

    I think that this is a very personal decision for each person. May you find the strength to help your father as you obviously care so very much for both your parents.

    Mameeskye
     
  7. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    I can't offer any advice , as I can only imagine the Grief you must be in for both of your parents , sending you my love and hugs .

    I also agree with what Mameeskye says



    Am just wondering would you father talk to someone from Cancer support, you could go with him before he make a decision in what he wants to do.
     
  8. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Taylorcat, I understand your pain. As you know, my mum made that decision when she was competely disabled by a stroke. It was hard to go along with it, particularly as there was no living will, but I felt that she was an intelligent woman who was used to making her own decisions, and I hadn't the right to override them.

    But I can't pretend it was easy!

    All you can do is go along with whatever your father wants, but be alert for any signs that he is changing his mind -- he may well do.

    I wish you all the love and strength to live with this situation.

    Love,
     

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