1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. only daughter

    only daughter Registered User

    Jun 16, 2014
    30
    Surrey
    Please help I'm drinking far too much to blot out what's happening. My Mum is living with us my Dad is in their house on his own with carers 4 times a day she doesn't want to go home understandably as Dad is so demanding Yemi the CM is so far not that helpful I am trying my best but it just doesn't seem to be good enough. Thank heaven for spell check. Drinking as I'm writing this. Mum doesn't know how I am feeling as it would make her feel bad and would insist on going home but I know she would not be able to cope with things. Where will it all end. Dad is in is own world at times and other times just demanding we go and do things for him which is what Mum was doing. They are both in their early nineties with failing health.

    I am sorry but drink has fueled this rant.
     
  2. only daughter

    only daughter Registered User

    Jun 16, 2014
    30
    Surrey
    I am so sorry for the post
     
  3. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,566
    Female
    South coast
    Welcome the TP - the place where you can rant all you like ;)
    Its awful feeling like that, but you are not the only one. Im sitting here with a glass of wine myself. I do know that it is not the best way to cope, though. Your dads care is obviously not working. The next stage is a care home. Would he be self funding? If not then I think you need to get back to SS and kick up a fuss. Tell it like it is, explain that you and your mum are no longer able to care for your dad and use the phrases "vulnerable adult" and "duty of care"
     
  4. chick1962

    chick1962 Registered User

    Apr 3, 2014
    11,280
    Female
    near Folkestone
    Just read this only daughter and my heart goes out to you . Dementia is such a horrid disease and tests us all! Perhaps you could speak with your GP about how you are feeling or get an admiral nurse to talk through your worries? There's help and support out there for you as it is on here . Sending big hugs to you


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  5. Tears Falling

    Tears Falling Registered User

    Jul 8, 2013
    637
    Only daughter you are going to need to get an appointment with your gp. You need to show them this post and your others relating to the situation with your dad. You can't go on this way.

    You are a wonderful person, putting your mum and dad first but you have to prioritise you right now. I am unsure whether your mum has health issues but I think I read yesterday that a niece had said she would have your mum to stay for a bit. You need to call her and accept the help. Arrange for your mum to go asap. You will still have contact with her and your dad during this time. See your GP and be honest about how you are feeling.

    Hugs xx
     
  6. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,595
    Female
    Dundee
    Hi Only Daughter. I'm sorry to read about your situation. I can understand how upset you must be.

    I wondered if you would consider calling to talk to someone tonight. The Samaritans has an emotional listening service and it might help you to talk to someone in the flesh as it were.

    This is the contact number- 08457 90 90 90

    http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us
     
  7. CollegeGirl

    CollegeGirl Registered User

    Jan 19, 2011
    9,534
    North East England
    Hello only daughter - I have no advice really apart from reiterating everything that the others have said, but just wanted to say that there is absolutely no need to apologise about your post.

    You need help and support, as we all do, and there is nothing to apologise for.

    Thinking of you and hoping that things get better for you all very soon xx
     
  8. susy

    susy Registered User

    Jul 29, 2013
    806
    North East
    Just wanted to add to the support for you. Absolutely no need to apologise, in fact I am sorry I didn't see your post earlier and reply. You needed a kind word there and then. I just hope you have read some of the previous posts and feel more supported than you did and that you are going to be ok. I agree you would benefit from seeing the GP and expressing how you are feeling. What's the worst that could happen? Much love and warm hugs xxx
     
  9. only daughter

    only daughter Registered User

    Jun 16, 2014
    30
    Surrey
    Hi just wanted to say thank you to everyone for your support I am calmer now and must try not to turn to drink to blot out what's going on. Hopefully when we meet with Yemi (CM) tomorrow things will be worked out. Fingers crossed :)
     
  10. jonie

    jonie Registered User

    Feb 9, 2015
    6
    my heart goes out to you. Its so hard to deal with the heart ache.If i was you i would get in touch with social services for the elderly and tell them you need help. You cannot deal with this on your own. Is it your Dad that as dementia.My Dad is at stage 6 it is awful. Go to your doctor and they should be able to give you all the contact numbers you need. take care.
     

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