1. maria29al

    maria29al Registered User

    Mar 15, 2006
    426
    Warwickshire
    Today is the one year anniversary of Dads funeral.

    I am working in Spain for the summer so decided to remember him by sitting quietly and alone by the pool, weak Cacique and Coke in hand (I have to work this evening!)with the sun shining down.

    I still miss him so much but know that he is here with me..wherever I go..urging me to be the best I can be.

    Although he is no longer visible to me, all his principles, morals and standards are still uppermost in my daily life..I have so much to thank him for.

    I still cry from time to time...today being one of those times...but I feel he is now well and happy.

    These anniversaries are tough times for us all but also a time to remember the love we shared with our family and friends that have now passed on. They are sad yet comfortingly reflective times. I think they are times that should not go unnoticed but should be marked in some private way.

    Love to you all,

    Hugs

    M
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  2. alex

    alex Registered User

    Apr 10, 2006
    1,665
    Hiya Maz

    Know what you mean honey..........and i'm with you in thought.

    Hope Spain is going well.............chin up honey, your Dad would be proud of you...........moving abroad is a scarey thing............ you've got guts honey and that will get you through, i'm sure your Dad will be looking down and saying "thats my girl" ;)

    Much love Alex x
     
  3. Tina

    Tina Registered User

    May 19, 2006
    420
    What a nice way to remember your dad, Maria...glad you're enjoying Spain at the same time too.

    Much truth in what you say....I feel the same a lot of the time...I can hear Nan and Gramps, Uncle Harry and Aunty Jean in certain situations and I know exactly what they'd be telling me. They've given and taught me so much, and I don't mean in a material sense, and I am where I am today because of them....yes, maybe I'd have got there by myself, too, but thank Goodness I didn't have to. So much to be grateful for, so many happy memories, and my life so much richer and special than if I had had to do without them.

    And yet, there is this great big bl**dy gaping hole...and it hurts. I know they're at peace, I wouldn't want them back in the way they were in hospital/NH, I wouldn't want them to suffer, and I know they're probably keeping a beady eye on me from somewhere, making sure I don't veer off the straight and narrow...which is comforting. But I feel so lost without them.

    Love, Tina xx
     
  4. Kayla

    Kayla Registered User

    May 14, 2006
    621
    Kent
    It's more than a month since my Mum died unexpectedly and although in a way it was a relief that she couldn't suffer any more, it was a terrible shock. Now I'm no longer mourning the little old lady in a wheel chair, who couldn't move her arms too much, because of her painful rheumatoid arthritis.
    I'm now remembering the Mum who was like my best friend, somebody I could talk to and ask for advice. I keep thinking of the Mum who used to share jokes with me and we used to have a laugh together. Sometimes, in the Nursing Home, I'd just catch a glimpse of that real Mum and then she'd slip away again. At least I had a Mum in the Nursing Home, but now I have nobody.
    I wish there was some one I could share memories with, but I'm an only child so I haven't. Everything I do reminds me of Mum, even going to the supermarket, as I used to take her before she was ill.
    I just feel so down and I'm finding it so hard to make a new start. I haven't done any creative writing at all since Mum died because I can't think of anything to write. It seems to get harder instead of easier as time goes by.
    I'm sure everyone must think that I'm just feeling sorry for myself and I should snap out of it, but I can't.
    There must be a way out, if only I could think what it is.
    Kayla
     
  5. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Kayla, I'm sure no-one thinks that -- at least, no-one on TP.

    A month is nothing, you have to give yourself time to come to terms with this. I don't think there is a way out, it's just something that has to be got through.

    It's good that you're now remembering your mum as she was before she became ill, but in a way that makes it harder, doesn't it? You've lost your best friend, and that hurts so much.

    I'm not surprised you can't write at the moment. I find I can't write if I'm totally happy, or totally sad.

    Someone once explained it to me that to be creative you need a bit of grit in your shoe. But if it's a huge rock you can't think of anything else. Very true, I think!

    Just be kind to yourself, it will get better. And post here whenever you need to. I look forward to your next poem!

    Love,
     

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