Dad

Kay111

Registered User
Sep 19, 2019
283
0
Well, if any of you have seen my Housing thread, it looks like we've found a place for mum and dad to move to! I'm so relieved and happy - they'll be a 15 minute walk from me which is amazing!! As of 3 weeks time I'll be reducing my work by half to help care for dad part time. I can't wait to lessen the burden on mum, but secretly I'm a bit daunted at the same time. Dad's doubly incontinent and verbally and physically aggressive and I know it's going to be a bit of a shock.

Does anyone have any general advice? Things you wish you'd known sooner about caring for a PWD?

Poor dad. He had a moment of lucidity yesterday and said to my mum "well, this is the end of our story, isn't it?". Dad's always had a stiff upper lip and doesn't come out with stuff like this usually and it really broke my heart to hear that he'd said that. I really want to help so that mum and dad can have really good quality time together, not just perpetually clouded by the battle and the frustration of it all. Wish me luck! (You might be seeing a whole lot more of me in future!).
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
Im so glad you have found somewhere :):):)

The only advice I have for looking after someone with dementia is that it is b****y hard work, so get in as much help as you can.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
Mum is not at all keen about "strangers" helping so I have that hurdle too.
Oh dear..............
In that case you are going to have to be very clear about what you can and (more importantly) what you cannot do. Your dads needs will increase over time and if your mum doesnt want anyone else to help then she will lean more and more on you - possibly until you break. So now is the time to be very clear about what your limits will be and do everything you can to persuade her to get in extra help.
 

Kay111

Registered User
Sep 19, 2019
283
0
@canary yes, I suspect you're right! I was thinking how I might try encourage her sometime down the line to have a week off. Completely off. Go on a short break or something. God knows she needs it. But then I'll need to get some help in then, and maybe that's one way of showing her that letting people in a little bit can be a positive thing.
 

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